Juggling everything is so damn hard!!!

[impossible45]

How on earth are you meant to keep a tidy house, “life admin” up to date, hold down full-time jobs, have a nice wardrobe of clothes, look after your own wellbeing and be great parents all at once? I just can’t do it and our house and garden is a tip as a result (something has to give). It’s a shame as I’d like to have people over but never can. I just feel so exhausted by the end of the day, every day. It’s like a rat race and I feel I’m constantly spinning plates, neglecting my own self (I haven’t cut my hair, bought new clothes or been to the dentist in years - my mental health is also shot). I just don’t see how it’s possible to be calm and in control, on top of everything, spending quality time with family, cooking fresh and healthy meals and have a neat and tidy house. Any tips?!!

Something like this.
Then motivation goes a bit when middle age is here.
Personally, what I saw through my life (in several countries), widows, retired and single women were the most relaxed and had tidy houses/apartments.
Sorry, generalising.
😕

No body goes to their grave wishing they had vacuumed everyday.

My SIL used to iron pj's. My mum made her stop and everyone still slept well in crumpled pj's!

If anyone comments or complains, tell them where the cleaning stuff is and take the children to the park.

We are all a long time dead. Don't waste your time fretting about some dust.

No one is judging your house, only you.

What would you rather people judge you on? Not hoovering every day or not getting your children to ballet/football /coding club etc on time?

Me too. If the kids want friends over, we have to plan ahead so I can hide all the clutter. If I could go on Stacey Solomon's show without having to actually be seen on telly, I would jump at it.

Oh hun I’m sorry! It’s so so so tough. I was drowning. I couldn’t seem to achieve anything I needed at home, housework, personal admin, kids admin, exercise, relationship, eating, cooking. Not one area was I excelling. And it made me feel like crap constantly chasing my tail. Can either of you drop some days at work?

You can’t do it all. Prioritising your own health is often one of the things to go but actually it should be very high on your list (I didn’t do this myself and now I am out the other side I realise it was a serious mistake!)

Everyone scurryfunges before having people over 😂I have two friends where we have a quiet agreement we will always be at least 10 minutes late, so we can finish cleaning because we're usually living in chaos.

It depends.

If ALL the following apply, keep it:
a. Colour and pattern look great on you
b. Perfect fit apart from the excess weight, i.e. sleeve length just right, sits right on your shoulders (or will do if you slim), trousers just the right length, etc.
c. Quality fabric and very well made, no crappy sewing on display
d. A timeless style, totally classic, not at all "fashionable" - keep in mind that trouser widths, collar widths etc. change and if it was fashionable you may have to wait 20 years for it to be back in fashion, so get rid
e. Absolutely nothing "wrong" with it - no itchy seams, places where it rides up or slips down or gapes or pinches (ignoring your excess weight), nothing that annoys or irritates - it is just perfect and was so easy to wear and comfortable

If any of the above are a 'no', get rid.
If a definite yes, get it out of your daily wardrobe and into 'long-term storage somewhere else (beware of it getting damp in an attic though).

I don’t think it’s impossible but do think it’s very, very hard.

Things that have helped me keep on top of things with full time job and two infant age kids (one with complex needs):

1. Having a good partner who understands that contributing to the family involves doing housework and childcare and not accepting the opposite, especially if you both work FT
2. Subbing in and out a bit with said partner when either person’s work is busy/they are overwhelmed - so we don’t always do 50/50 at any given time but in the round we both think the other does more than we do!
3. Decluttering
4. Automating as much as possible, eg booking appointments way ahead
5. shared calendar and shared email address for kid and house stuff so ongoing admin doesn’t automatically fall on the person who initially set it up. I think this is key
6. being really clear sighted about what you value or gives you energy and prioritising that over scrolling or tv, or other stuff that doesn’t
7. acknowledging that no one has their shit together all the time and that they tidy before you arrive!

Women were told we could 'have it all' but no-one thought about whether we could actually DO it all!

There is always some part of my life hanging on by a thread whilst I focus on another part.

Our garden looks like a jungle. People always comment on the weeds etc but we just do not have the time or energy after all the more important things have been dealt with.
We have a friend - divorced so now lives alone and kids are adults who always jokes about the garden when he comes round. Love him to bits but he does not have 3 teenagers living at home and the chaos and cleaning that 5 people living in a house creates as opposed to one person as well as the life admin, expense (plants are expensive, especially when you can't keep them alive!). He does also volunteer with scouts as we do but I am also studying at the moment through work.

This is the first summer I have felt real mum guilt. When they were younger I worked evenings or part time so was able to do lots with the kids. Now they are older teens they don't want to do much, not really going out with mates, anything they do want to do costs a bomb for 5 of us and we are not going on holiday as having garage and drive done plus went on holiday in Feb so cant afford another one.

I will get absolutely flamed for this but it’s one reason my DH decided to redo our garden with fake grass. Saves a lot of time and money.

Women were told we could 'have it all' but no-one thought about whether we could actually DO it all!

I don't think there was the same pressure before. When I look back at my childhood, no one really had the equivalent to today's insta worthy home, parents weren't aiming for 6 packs & marathons, my parents did squash once a week but it was more a social thing & walking was their main exercise. There also wasn't the pressure to be around your dc all the time, I played with neighbours unsupervised.

It worked for us. DH had a very short commute and worked 11.5 hours shifts so 3 days a week - supposed to be a fourth day once a month but he took that as annual leave. The Masters was a joint agreement as it would up my earning potential by 20k a year.

I did do some chores like empty dishwasher, stick on a washing etc but he did really did do the vast majority of it. He was also out the house 3 days a week and ate at work so that was 3 days there was very little mess. He used to joke he “felt like a woman” as he appreciated how most of the graft usually fell to women.

Absolutely true. My children and I are able bodied and I’m really inconsistent about certain tidying expectations. Those I have insisted on from the beginning are adhered to hy the children without a thought. Those I’m inconsistent about generate a battle each time. Note to self to be more consistent!

I also work part time, only have one child but often feel like I’m failing on all fronts

I know of a single mum of 2 that did it she was only 18 had 2 kids and no help.
Her home was spotless.
Everything was done no piles of washing etc.
And found time to study.
I did admired her.
Shes now 38 her children are 22& 20 both moved out shes become a social worker as been one for years.
Her tip in life was to be a minimalist and not stress over things and be single.
She still the same today

Worse as well when the kids are sick. Which has been my life this week so far, up in the night with vomiting children, heaps of soiled washing, working a full time job, kids moaning and tired and ill. Holiday next weekend, can’t be fucking arsed, just feel burnt out and low

I usually get up at 5.30/6, walk dogs, hang washing out, breakfast, get kids dressed, nursery. If a full day in the office I try and go to the gym / run at lunch, if half day, then I pick the kids up, come home, play with them etc. Then it’s cook dinner and make lunch for next day, I bath kids while my OH tidies up, cleans the kitchen and hoovers / mops downstairs. Kids play for a bit with OH while I put away washing / clean a bathroom. Then books, bed, walk dogs again, pack bags and put into car. If a half office day I then log back in for a couple of hours.

Keeping on top of it during the week does then free up time on the weekend but really it’s:
a) small house with less clutter so it’s easy to clean
b) stacking chores (bathroom while kids are in bath, making lunches while I make dinner), exercise at lunchtime
c) putting things away rather than down so it doesn’t build up
d) a very flexible job
e) semi-regular breakdowns because having socialised kids, a clean and tidy house, exercising and eating on absolutely comes at the cost of my sanity.

Agree.

I was close to a breakdown working fulltime in a very demanding job, being a people pleaser and with a young child.
I had enough and quit, set up my own business working part time, it was a case of fuck what DH thought, he did nothing to help.
I now work 4-5 hours a day with a 10 year old and still can't manage to keep on top of my house and garden but I think that's more of a case of feeling like I can't deal with much on my plate after such a traumatising burn out.
Just give up trying to do it all would be my advice.

DH and I both work FT in full on roles in Finance, one DC aged 8. I have complex health issues, DC also has some health issues. Both in the office 3 days a week.

-DH pulls his weight!
-school does 7.30-6pm wraparound
-we have a cleaner and a gardener. I would outsource more but finding decent reliable people is hard
-we prioritise health, DC and family. Therefore our house is messier and more cluttered than ideal
-exercise has fallen off for both of us due to injuries but we have a peloton so don’t need childcare.
-lots of straightforward meals or slow cooker then freeze
-my parents won’t do regular childcare but fill in on random days/sick days etc. TBH I find it more useful than doing each Tuesday for example.
-both employers are reasonably flexible

I like working and financial security is important for me- including the generous pension and private medical insurance. How long I’ll keep this up I don’t know but I’m trying my best!

I work FT conpressed days with a day off alternate weeks which I spend with our toddler. I'm doing a degree apprenticeship in my final year with an upcoming placement and currently writing a dissertation. I'm very strict doing uni work x3 nights a week and gym x2 nights. DH cleans the house on a Saturday, I do all laundry, and we both keep on top of tidying up during the week. DH walks the dog AM and I do it in the evening. We make quick healthy meals and have leftovers for the next day. My mum is very good at bringing us a home cooked meal and has toddler x2 days a week. Everything goes to plan when toddler is well, when he's unwell or going through a spell of not sleeping it feels tough. If I stop and think about it it's tiring! Hang in there!

Family support and a toddler who sleeps is definitely key to sanity. I have neither… bedtime takes 4 hours in this house and HAS to be me 😭

I realised when my kids left home after 20 years working full time in a demanding job and bringing them up single-handedly that this feeling of exhaustion and juggling wasn’t a personal flaw or time management issues it was simply a time issue and not having enough .
Now I work approx 4 days a week some employed some self employed my little flat is tidy I eat well exercise do hobbies !! Never did any of this before .
So go kindly on yourself it’s not possible to do it all in the time given with kids x

The only time my home is clean and tidy is when someone is coming to visit 😂

Things I’ve found have helped (just a few things, exhausted most of the time)

as soon as my children finish an activity I wash and put their kit/uniform straight back in the bag or on a hanger ready for next week

bags packed the night before

always have change in the front of their school bag in case I forget a day I was supposed to send in money

have learnt off others to pay for any trip, activity invoice as soon as I get it, not when I remember

buy ahead, so have gloves bought ready for when it’s freezing at school (and have a few spares), but sledges before it snows etc

non-uniform days I get them to plan the weekend before. Maybe it’s my children but there’s always a drama about outfits so I like to sort it early!