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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Juggling everything is so damn hard!!!

171 replies

impossible45 · 06/08/2025 21:25

How on earth are you meant to keep a tidy house, “life admin” up to date, hold down full-time jobs, have a nice wardrobe of clothes, look after your own wellbeing and be great parents all at once? I just can’t do it and our house and garden is a tip as a result (something has to give). It’s a shame as I’d like to have people over but never can. I just feel so exhausted by the end of the day, every day. It’s like a rat race and I feel I’m constantly spinning plates, neglecting my own self (I haven’t cut my hair, bought new clothes or been to the dentist in years - my mental health is also shot). I just don’t see how it’s possible to be calm and in control, on top of everything, spending quality time with family, cooking fresh and healthy meals and have a neat and tidy house. Any tips?!!

OP posts:
ThisCatCanHop · 07/08/2025 07:54

The poster who commented about not being able to tuck raising children and running a home around the edges of a full time job is absolutely right!

Tretweet · 07/08/2025 08:00

I recently almost reached burnout partly because all of this, with the addition of a very unwell Mum who I also help care for.

I have now quit work with no plan which is slightly terrifying, but has made summer holiday childcare sooooo much easier this year. Only now I’m out of the grinding routine do I realise how unrealistic it was - although will have to go back to it in some form as we will need more income.

Feel like it’s utterly ridiculous we’re all supposed to be ‘homemakers’ (in the sense of having lovely, tidy, well decorated homes, with home cooked meals every night), in addition to jobs and kids. I know people who are really quite busy just doing house, food and kids stuff let alone the paid work.

On the other hand I know people with massively rewarding jobs, and SAHM struggling for purpose - feels like we can’t win!

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 07/08/2025 08:03

The things that I have found helped:

  • Gardener to cut the grass and hedge
  • Early morning gym class @6.15am (obvs only possible if you have a partner at home to look after DC, or older DC).
  • I slightly reduced my hours, and compressed to 4 days.

DC are now teens. Lots of things are easier, but they need lifts a lot! I also now have elderly parents to look after!!

1AngelicFruitCake · 07/08/2025 08:06

I work full time and have a lot of responsibility
and mostly doing a good job, my children are doing well, have lots of play dates, do well at their activities and have lots of extra support with schoolwork, our house stays mostly ok and we have people round. Im failing with myself and how I look ☹️ it’s really hard.

Iocainepowder · 07/08/2025 08:14

I’m really glad to read that you all have messy houses as mine is a shit tip and everyone else’s houses I visit are immaculate!

BleuBeans · 07/08/2025 08:17

It’s bloody hard. Full time parenting, studying, being the primary parent, running the home and life admin. The Mum guilt is real

When I’m organised, I spend a day cooking and have a freezer of meals that last 3-4 weeks and make my life simpler however I don’t always manage to keep it up. I live a minimalist life in the home to try and keep on top of the clutter but tell myself one day my house will be lovely and clean but quiet and empty. For now, the bare minimum gets done so I can spend every minute I can with my DD. The garden also takes the wild look, I’m sure the wildlife appreciate it

SpanielsSunflowersSand · 07/08/2025 08:25

I honestly don’t think it’s possible. I have a bit of a routine to keep the house in order and I’ve spent a small fortune on storage.

We have a rule so essentially, you only touch the item once. For example, drink my coffee, the mug goes in the dishwasher. I come in and hang my coat straight on the coat hook. Shoes goes straight into the shoe cupboard, etc. Clutter and mess stress me out!

We have a list of chores for each day. It consists of daily tasks, one weekly task. So for example, Wednesday was the usual, make dinner, empty and reload the dishwasher, put a load of washing on, feed everyone, and then the weekly task was to put the bins out. This evenings will be to clean the bathroom. I find, if you keep on top of it, it’s easier. If you leave it all for a weekend, it’s too overwhelming!

Wonderwoman333 · 07/08/2025 08:31

It's impossible, can you reduce your working hours?
I have 3dcs and only work 2 days, I can't imagine working full time and staying sane!

March2027 · 07/08/2025 08:33

I agree it’s relentless and then you get to elder care. Somehow we are meant to work full time and then magically drop everything to deal with this

Iocainepowder · 07/08/2025 08:34

Also op i would stop trying to do everything at once and just do one thing at a time.

I could never have imagined how much having kids would have impacted my health.

First off your list, bugger the house, please visit your dentist. Please look after your health

Katemax82 · 07/08/2025 08:41

impossible45 · 06/08/2025 21:46

Thanks for the solidarity. I hate having a messy house, it makes me feel low mentally and like I’m not in control. But I just don’t have time for it on top of everything else!

I dont work but have 4 kids (2 autistic one a baby) so my house is a tip. My biggest gripe is mountains of clothes in baskets awaiting ironing. I've had to start cleaning my shower screen while showering so it doesn't get disgusting.

Pinkstuffs · 07/08/2025 08:45

It’s so difficult OP, DH and I work full time, we have a toddler and I’m pregnant. My only saving factor is I do wfh and I have to say that currently I’m coasting at work and just unable to put in all the hours. But I’m doing this knowing I’m on mat leave soon and I have a well-run team beneath me. Grandparents have toddler 1 evening overnight so I try to use this time to clean but atm end up just going to bed early as I’m so tired!

Iocainepowder · 07/08/2025 08:51

Yeah my saving grace is that i wfh and use my lunch breaks to do the washing etc, and we just don’t iron anything. But it means i don’t get an actual break at lunch.

Plus my youngest has a health issue which means we get no sleep and i did actually have a breakdown this year, so it’s not really a saving grace 😂

frozendaisy · 07/08/2025 08:55

Don hold your standards to what you see online.
Those huge immaculate houses where a female puts away one Tupperware in a huge drawer of Tupperware - they are airbnbs rented to create content.

When your kids get to teens and start dropping activities - honestly it’s grades that get you into college and uni with a bit of something to say, they don’t have t be doing loads of things - just one or two they enjoy (apart from swimming perhaps that’s a life skill)

Look at where the influences are coming from that put the demands on you to be perfect in all areas and question are they your demands or someone else’s?

As time goes on I am re convinced social media just keeps churning out new demands or problems to make you buy. Yes there are perfect gym women but they make money from you watching and buying gym memberships and clothing. Yes be healthy but take advice from real experts and medics.

Your body grew a child, your mind can work, the house can feed you let you sleep and keep you dry.

You are doing ok.

isolate34 · 07/08/2025 09:01

Happyhappyday · 06/08/2025 23:02

All of my friends have full time professional jobs and all of us have children and have houses that are not tips. And mostly feed our children home cooked food.

We chose to only have one child and have prioritized flexible jobs over top of our industry pay to not feel like we were rushing around all the time.

BUT All of my friends also are paid well (top 5% income bracket and most in top 1-2%) and use that to help. Ie, we have an after school nanny so DC get to be home more, nanny helps with tidying, feeds kids real food rather than convenience food. We have a cleaner. If we get take away, it would be from a nice local restaurant not a chippy. Friend has an au pair, I’d pay extra to go to the closer gym so I could squeeze in exercise etc. We also all have husbands who do 50% of the work. If we can throw money at the problem to give more space for family time and taking care of mental health, we would.

I think on a lower income and less flexible full time jobs, something would definitely have to give and it would probably be looking after myself and possibly feeding the DC freezer meals etc sometimes.

Show quote history

Oh gosh, god forbid a child have a freezer dinner on the odd occasion 😂😂

Youdontseehow · 07/08/2025 09:02

impossible45 · 07/08/2025 07:05

I have some lovely quite expensive clothes (from places like Hobbs) that I haven’t been able to fit into for about five years. I cling onto them in the hope that one day I’ll lose a stone and be able to wear them again. Would you just get rid?

where is your partner in all of this? Is he/she pulling their weight or is the lion’s share falling to you?

I had 2 DC under 5, worked full time with a 1hour commute there and back, completed a Masters degree and moved house twice within 18 months……but I had a husband who did 99% of the household chores, shopping and cooking. And took DC out when he was off to give me time to study.

So yeah, one person cannot do it all - you either need a true partner or pay for help.

waitingforpost · 07/08/2025 09:07

but I had a husband who did 99% of the household chores, shopping and cooking. And took DC out when he was off to give me time to study.

was he not exhausted though?

Ineedanewsofa · 07/08/2025 09:08

PassOnThat · 06/08/2025 23:11

I think the people who manage this have a very particular mindset which might seem somewhat strange to the rest of us.

I have a friend with an immaculate house and having kids hasn't changed this. She is ruthless about not accumulating stuff. When we were young, we were both bridesmaids at another friend's wedding and she binned the worn bridesmaid's dress at the train station on the way back from the wedding. Job done, straight out of her mind, no sentimental faffing around or worrying about laundering it to donate to charity. She didn't want to keep it so out it went.

Her life is very "automated" - next appointments booked at the end of each appointment, weekly shopping list honed to a tee. I've helped her clean up after parties - food is bought in specifically for parties and she sends any leftovers home with the guests or bins it so it doesn't clog up the fridge. No getting out of routine.

This is me! All appointments scheduled at the end of the previous one (even if months in advance) family calendar on the wall with everything written in it, food shop delivery at the same time each week, a schedule of meals for the week, no sentimental clutter (or clutter at all) exercise scheduled like any other appointment, rooms cleaned to a specific schedule, cars filled up on Sunday ready for the week, little debrief each evening over dinner to make sure we all know who is where and doing what the next day.
BUT we only have one child and thankfully no significant health issues to manage which would add a whole level of complexity I don’t think I’d cope with!

DaisyChain505 · 07/08/2025 09:10

Is the mental and physical load being shared equally with your partner?

Clarabell77 · 07/08/2025 09:10

I do it but it’s easier now that I mostly work from home. It was absolutely exhausting when I had to commute, and quite miserable. What helped at that time was having a cleaner, online food shopping, very easy dinners and asking husband to take responsibility for specific things so I didn’t need to think about them (e.g. laundry and garden).

Now I work from home I don’t have a cleaner, instead I do a bit of housework every day, aiming to have a fully clean and tidy house by a Friday evening so I’m not doing as much at weekends. I always try to make sure if someone popped in the areas they’d be seeing are presentable.

andthat · 07/08/2025 09:13

Needspaceforlego · 06/08/2025 21:59

My Mum did it.
House was always immaculate. The secret seems to be small house & zero clutter.

Kitchen was kept clean as she went along.
Living room was done one morning before work.
Upstairs inc bathroom one evening.
And bathroom got a quick clean at the weekend.

The zero clutter is key. If it was moved to be dusted one week, you'd get a a warning, if you didn't shift it, it would disappear the next.

Zero concerns for the planet or guilt trips about stuff going to landfill!

I think this is the only way I can manage a tidy house, whilst parenting and working full time.

Constant decluttering and cleaning as you go.

But yep, it’s relentless. I wish I was happy living in a messy house as it would be a lot easier!!

PaddlingSwan · 07/08/2025 09:16
  • Planning (dentists' appointments, car service, MOT etc. can all go on a calendar, admin/banking for an hour on Sunday evening, for example)
  • Limiting - after school clubs, hobbies etc. and ruthlessly pruning anything that is not undertaken or continued with enthusiasm - opinions and wishes do change.
  • Outsourcing - house cleaning, gardening
  • Understanding that there is no law that requires you to run around like a mosquito on speed 24/7 and it is actually quite OK, if not very desirable, to sit down for an hour or two and do absolutely nothing.
waitingforpost · 07/08/2025 09:21

Oh gosh, god forbid a child have a freezer dinner on the odd occasion

Fridays are my day off & they are busy. It's also freezer food dinner day!

Pinkstuffs · 07/08/2025 09:22

Youdontseehow · 07/08/2025 09:02

where is your partner in all of this? Is he/she pulling their weight or is the lion’s share falling to you?

I had 2 DC under 5, worked full time with a 1hour commute there and back, completed a Masters degree and moved house twice within 18 months……but I had a husband who did 99% of the household chores, shopping and cooking. And took DC out when he was off to give me time to study.

So yeah, one person cannot do it all - you either need a true partner or pay for help.

Edited
Show quote history

If my husband did this he would be more exhausted than me? As it stands we try to split 50:50, I do more chores but DH has a commute and I don’t.

If he decided to start studying leaving me to do 99% of the chores I would be quite resentful!

The problem isn’t always the partner but that there isn’t enough hours in the day…

Sharptonguedwoman · 07/08/2025 09:30

impossible45 · 06/08/2025 21:46

Thanks for the solidarity. I hate having a messy house, it makes me feel low mentally and like I’m not in control. But I just don’t have time for it on top of everything else!

If you look below the surface of peoples' lives, they often have help. During a lunchtime conversation at work (happened to be all women in this conversation) people said they had help with children, ironing, cleaning, gardening, DPs took all their shirts to cleaners to be washed and ironed, kind of thing. Very few people actually managed without any help at all. Don't believe everything you read or see. Admittedly, money helps as you can buy in what you simply don't have time to do.
Hang on in there OP.