Juggling everything is so damn hard!!!

[impossible45]

How on earth are you meant to keep a tidy house, “life admin” up to date, hold down full-time jobs, have a nice wardrobe of clothes, look after your own wellbeing and be great parents all at once? I just can’t do it and our house and garden is a tip as a result (something has to give). It’s a shame as I’d like to have people over but never can. I just feel so exhausted by the end of the day, every day. It’s like a rat race and I feel I’m constantly spinning plates, neglecting my own self (I haven’t cut my hair, bought new clothes or been to the dentist in years - my mental health is also shot). I just don’t see how it’s possible to be calm and in control, on top of everything, spending quality time with family, cooking fresh and healthy meals and have a neat and tidy house. Any tips?!!

Ah now I don’t think it’s impossible at all but there are so many factors, not least your own health/energy levels and level of independence of dependants if you have them.
My dc are all older now and very independent. Older 2 drive and have their own cars although live at home and are helping out with their sibling while dh and I work. Youngest is a teen. I exercise 7 days a week in some capacity, sometimes some of the dc come with me and join in - eases the mum guilt that I’m going off doing stuff without them after a day at work and Gets them active and we spend time together.
Dh does all the cooking so that’s one less thing for me to do.
Also I do have a partner to share all the load with.
dentist appointments are still family appointments and we all go together every 6 months. Appt is booked at the end of the previous one and everyone adds it to their calendars.
we have a weekly cleaner, 6 weekly window cleaner, oven cleaner who comes twice a year, easy to maintain garden (which dh looks after), no indoor pets, food shop delivered, decorators booked for when we go on holiday to do a room or two every time so it’s all
constantly maintained and kept on top of.
just outsource as much as possible. Which all costs money.
We had considerably less money when the kids were smaller, more demands on our time and less money for outsourcing. Less time for ourselves. When they were smaller I definitely didn’t have things under control and I was a SAHM so theoretically had more time (but we were skint!) but now they’re older I feel like we are holding things together better. It’s not perfect obviously, the cleaner comes tomorrow and I’m racing around the house reminding everyone to sort their rooms out and put their washing away - she had come on the same day for the last 10+ years yet it still catches us all out!
So essentially don’t give yourself a hard time if you’re just getting through each day. There will be time in life where things should get easier. Keeping everyone fed and healthy and happy is the priority, Along with having time to rest and relax . Everything else can come later in time.
And share the load with your partner if you have one.

I literally don’t sit down before 9pm ever (except sitting down to work at my desk). Weekends are go go go all day with sports, clubs, parties and my toddler trashes the place faster than I can tidy it.

The house is a mess, the kids wish I didn’t work (although they’d really miss not having holidays and access to activities if I didn’t), my mental health is shot.

I work 4 days (1 day off with toddler), but as mentioned above that doesn’t allow me to get anything done as he leave a trail of destruction so we tend to go out 🤣.

I’m just hoping to hold it together until he starts school and stay working a 4 day week.

I reckon the only people holding it together are SAHM or those working part time with school age kids. There aren’t enough hours in the day for those of us with no child free day time to get things done.

Online grocery shopping helps a lot. Ditto Lowering standards. Having less stuff. Getting the kids on board with making beds and dusting etc as soon as they are able (mine are 6 & 7) and I can pay them 5p to dust a room 🤣 it’s still so hard though.

garden - if you can cut the grass and strim the edges (or pay someone if you can afford it) the rest of the overgrown mess looks a lot better.

im another one dreading back to school as all the clubs will be back on. We live rurally and it’s non stop till 7/8pm some days.

and i feel bad if I let them watch tv for a bit so I can tidy up / cook without breaking up squabbles !! But I have relaxed a tiny bit about screen time in the summer hols…

It’s so hard, especially in summer with DS off school.

Solidarity OP, right down to not wanting to go on holiday - who can face more sorting, moving and cleaning of bloody things. I work 30 hours and have a cleaner, but I have a husband who contributes about 5% and that’s a massive problem. Where the load is properly shared, it’s honestly not an issue. No tips just solidarity.

Impossible - I am thinking of stopping kids activities when back to school.

house a constant tip. No chill time.

I reckon the only people holding it together are SAHM or those working part time with school age kids.

I'm the latter & not managing it all here. There aren't enough hours in the day for everything.

My dc are all older now and very independent. Older 2 drive and have their own cars although live at home

Err, I definitely assume it will be easier then!

A big issue is getting dc to activities & not being able to leave the dc alone. As they get older that will change.

Agree OP. If anyone has cracked it, please tell me how!

Couldnt agree more, I work full time, studying for a degree (through work), training for a marathon and have two young kids. DH works full time. Same as you the house/garden is last on the list. I use playdates as a way to force cleaning as I just dont have the time/energy for it otherwise. I just got a promotion and the first thing I am getting a cleaner. Solidarity! You are not alone.

Start with 2 balls in one hand throwing them up and down then start to add the 3rd ball and it’s quite easily. Once you get good at 3 you can progress to 4 or more.

Where the load is properly shared, it’s honestly not an issue

DH is very hands on & does the majority of the cooking but the days he is in the office he often isn't home until 7pm. He also can't exercise, see friends as much as he would like.

Ummm I think the thread was more aimed at people with much younger kids. Gets much much easier by the time they are 18 and 19!

That makes it doable! I work ft now my kids are in high school so can manage. Impossible when they are younger. In fact it easier than having two adult as you have 4 adults to split the load with.

I work part time and I’m just about managing. I have Fridays off so manage some errands and cleaning then.
I really need to be more productive and focus on my health but even having free time doesn’t help. I cope by shutting myself off for a few hrs and scrolling through my phone.
There are too many demands on us.

Ok 🙂

It’s bloody hard. We’re one and done because I don’t see how on earth we’d cope with more than one child (no help if you’ve already got more kids sorry!). We have a cleaner and I work part time but am always with my toddler unless at work. DH does no childcare or housework and I have very little childfree time at all but I am hoping in a few years once I’m out of the toddler stage things will improve. If I had my time again I’d refuse to return to work without a full time nanny in place because I do everything for the house and our child, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. We’re all just doing our best OP.

All of my friends have full time professional jobs and all of us have children and have houses that are not tips. And mostly feed our children home cooked food.

We chose to only have one child and have prioritized flexible jobs over top of our industry pay to not feel like we were rushing around all the time.

BUT All of my friends also are paid well (top 5% income bracket and most in top 1-2%) and use that to help. Ie, we have an after school nanny so DC get to be home more, nanny helps with tidying, feeds kids real food rather than convenience food. We have a cleaner. If we get take away, it would be from a nice local restaurant not a chippy. Friend has an au pair, I’d pay extra to go to the closer gym so I could squeeze in exercise etc. We also all have husbands who do 50% of the work. If we can throw money at the problem to give more space for family time and taking care of mental health, we would.

I think on a lower income and less flexible full time jobs, something would definitely have to give and it would probably be looking after myself and possibly feeding the DC freezer meals etc sometimes.

Single parent here, thankfully I'm not that house proud but keeping the house immaculate is one of my bottom priorities. Daughter's health and wellbeing is my top priority, dog's second. Then work priorities. Then home (I'm actually on a narrowboat so much, much less cleaning. But other things like emptying toilets, engine maintenance, taking rubbish to the bin points, getting water I guess add to this). Life admin next down the list. My own health and wellbeing takes bottom of the pile unless it threatens to impact daughter and dog's health and wellbeing. Fun times! I'm hoping things get better at some point. But probably won't for another few years when DD can help out a bit (she does help now, but let's just say the help is technically more of a hindrance... not that I tell her that, she's in training 😂).

This, keep stuff at a low level. There are times when we have time to put things on Vinted but sometimes things just have to go

I think the people who manage this have a very particular mindset which might seem somewhat strange to the rest of us.

I have a friend with an immaculate house and having kids hasn't changed this. She is ruthless about not accumulating stuff. When we were young, we were both bridesmaids at another friend's wedding and she binned the worn bridesmaid's dress at the train station on the way back from the wedding. Job done, straight out of her mind, no sentimental faffing around or worrying about laundering it to donate to charity. She didn't want to keep it so out it went.

Her life is very "automated" - next appointments booked at the end of each appointment, weekly shopping list honed to a tee. I've helped her clean up after parties - food is bought in specifically for parties and she sends any leftovers home with the guests or bins it so it doesn't clog up the fridge. No getting out of routine.

I’m a single parent to an autistic child and I’m also disabled. what I’ve found that helps is teaching your kids the importance of cleaning up after themselves. My son is only 5 and whilst he still creates messes, he knows if he drops something on the floor - he’ll pick it up and put it back where it belongs.

also meal prepping is a big one - I batch cook things like spag bowl in the slow cooker and then freeze it (and the pasta separately) and all I have to do is defrost to cook and maybe quick cook some garlic bread. Literally is done within 10 minutes.

i find having a routine of things get things done quicker. Think on a Sunday cleaning the bathroom and changing bedding. Monday mopping the floor, Tuesday cleaning the kitchen. If you do small tasks - even if it’s one a day it’s better than it being overwhelming in one go

What a lovely way to explain it thank you this has made me feel better 😘

It’s not sustainable. I find it’s getting a little easier as the kids get older though.
it’s not a nice way to live, feeling overwhelmed and burnt out on a regular basis. I hate it.

Pleased to hear it @workingitout1234 -
the point of it really was that when you have small kids it’s fucking hard but there’s light at the end of the runner because they get big and some of the pressure is removed from us as the adults in charge.
If you can afford to buy in any kind of help when the dc are small then go ahead and do it. If you can’t then you either accept that you will run yourself ragged keeping on top
of everything or that some things will fall by the wayside. I went for the latter when I was battling 3dc and we all survived!

Older woman and I see so many younger women struggling . I was a SAHM and

had a very organised and efficient house . But I had tons of support from family . And after an accident got a cleaner who I had for the next 10 years !
You really can't do it all whilst working FT . Not if you want to spend quality time with your kids , have a bit of down time , be social with friends etc. And those kinds of things are so much more important for your mental health. Housework will always be there and is never ending so try not to stress about it . Working women with families are doing incredibly difficult tasks . And doing pretty well at it .Instead of feel guilty please cut yourself some slack . Solidarity with all who are feeling like you are OP .