Juggling everything is so damn hard!!!

[impossible45]

How on earth are you meant to keep a tidy house, “life admin” up to date, hold down full-time jobs, have a nice wardrobe of clothes, look after your own wellbeing and be great parents all at once? I just can’t do it and our house and garden is a tip as a result (something has to give). It’s a shame as I’d like to have people over but never can. I just feel so exhausted by the end of the day, every day. It’s like a rat race and I feel I’m constantly spinning plates, neglecting my own self (I haven’t cut my hair, bought new clothes or been to the dentist in years - my mental health is also shot). I just don’t see how it’s possible to be calm and in control, on top of everything, spending quality time with family, cooking fresh and healthy meals and have a neat and tidy house. Any tips?!!

if you want to spend quality time with your kids , have a bit of down time , be social with friends etc. And those kinds of things are so much more important for your mental health.

I agree that socialising & down time tends to get to the bottom of the pile but it's really good for your mental health.

I seem to be able to cover a good chunk of the everyday stuff, but shit like planning holidays - that seems so advanced!!

Actually I would say my health and wellbeing is bottom of the priority list, then house and garden. I totally forgot about it, which says it all really!

You can't, something has got to give. It's impossible to work full time and to have children, we've been sold a lie. Career or family, pick one (unless you have an excellent DH or SAHDH)

Garden doesn't even make it on the list, we pay someone once a year, so briefly it looks good 😆

Yup...capitalism is a shit show and only works for 1%

Do you flop down after dinner/kids in bed and watch TV?

I stopped doing that and it was life changing, I suddenly had space in my life for everything I needed to do. TV/phone scrolling is SUCH a time sucker.

Are flexible working hours an option for either/both of you? Could one or both compress your hours to doing 5 days in 4 or even 5 days in 4.5 with the half day working from home?, if you could both do it and stagger your days that could free up two half or full days to get on top of things. Even one of you having half a day off a week could allow you to do some housework/gardening/admin

Can you afford a cleaner?

When dc were young, I did 4 days compressed into 3.5 and Dh did 5 days compressed in 4. Allowed time to spend with dc but also keep on top of house taking the pressure off the weekend.

I am very strict with what I will do socially. I don't like socializing and find it draining so I limit friend visits or going out with work colleagues to once every 3 months max.

I work 5-7am, 9-3, 8-11 every day to fit my work in around dc. I clean all Saturday morning.

I agree clutter is the culprit so I regularly sift through and remove things we don't use and am far more picky now about what things are bought for the home.

I walk about 1hr 40 every day on school runs but I dont do much other exercise so that's where I have had to drop the ball, literally!

It’s more or less impossible. Any time I try to get my act together in one area – let’s say rethinking my diet, exercising, skincare, wardrobe – I succeed and look great, but then something else goes to shit, like decluttering (the children keep growing!). So then the house is a tip and I switch gears and sort that but it’s back to square one with me, and then the next thing falls apart. Aaargh.

It doesn’t help that we’re in a fixer-upper so there’s additional endless DIY/organising trades; I write books as well as working, but also have to do the accounts and admin for that; perimenopausal but also have a toddler – the thought of getting up at 5.30am to exercise or fit stuff in makes me want to cry, but is impossible anyway as I’m usually up being hit in the head with a plastic toy; got made redundant, ended up in a shit job so also job-hunting. Sometimes I think about retraining on top – hahahahahahaha 😭😭😭

I took a half day yesterday and I got so much done! I think if I went part- time I could definitely keep up with everything better. Dh wants to try a cleaner but the house is clean, it's the clutter is the issue. I know I'd end up stressed trying to tidy before the cleaner comes.

And all the while we’re hurtling towards autumn. It feels like only yesterday it was Christmas!

I dropped some hours at work. I didn’t actually loose that much money but it’s so worth it.

On my day off I do all the washing, deep clean, all appointments. Just everything you normally neglect through the week. Then I top it up through the week here and there.

Obviously not an option for everyone but if you can do it!

I wonder if the poster’s friend with the rigid timetable for chores is on to something.

I have some lovely quite expensive clothes (from places like Hobbs) that I haven’t been able to fit into for about five years. I cling onto them in the hope that one day I’ll lose a stone and be able to wear them again. Would you just get rid?

I’m a single Mum to three kids aged between 3 and 8 and I work full time. The house is reasonable but that’s because we don’t own a lot of “stuff”. I don’t earn massive amounts of money, I do my best, some days look better than others.

It’s so hard. Realistically it is only much easier if you can pay for a cleaner or you can go part time or you can work from home for a few days a week.

OP what are your main issues and we can see if we can offer specific help?

some tips I have recently incorporated.

• a power hour in the morning - tidy beds, bring all rubbish downstairs (glasses, dirty washing, nappy bags, dirty bottles, etc), empty dishwasher, get out kids clothes for the next day, feed pets, feed me, get ready.
• put one load of washing on every day
• on the same day every week do a food delivery. Clear your fridge of old food on delivery day.
• do a half an hour house tidy I just run around putting the house back together But you could do TOMM.
• write a list of everywhere that needs decluttering and do small chunks ideally one a day.

It's impossible, I think everyone is struggling. My mum was a SAHM and says she doesn't know how I do it. When I look at the lovely life she had I do feel a bit resentful! But I like my job and found mat leave incredibly dull, I'm not a natural housewife so I carry on.

I work condensed hours so have one day off in term time, but that day is essential to keep on top of things. Two weeks into the holidays and the house is in chaos. We have a cleaner every other week just to do the bathroom and kitchen. No grandparent help, lots of paid for childcare which I feel guilty about. I'm knackered.

We manage ok, both full time in reasonable senior roles but do only have one DD9 at home (DSC x3 all now at uni or older). Things that make it feasible are probably just having one child but also having a DH who is a properly equal partner and we both get to WFH at least part of the week, we both pull our weight, eg DH does as much if not more of school drops off/pick ups, is very active around the home and we both have an even share of the mental load. We have a cleaner once a week for 2 hours too, I batch cook, online shop etc. I go to the gym, swimming, yoga, walks etc - I need to for my MH and well-being and do look after myself. House isn't a show-home but it's fine.

Some more tips:

• do the bins once a week not the day beforebin day. This is crucial. If you wait till bin day it’s easy to forget. Then on bin day you just need to drag the bins outside.
• dishwasher goes on every night before bed.
• we do a power half hour after tea - tidy up tea, dishwasher on, kids ready for bed, door locked etc

write a list of big goals (decluttering, decorating rooms, new clothes, booking a holiday, etc)
then write a list of all small jobs (returning something, making an appointment, book vets etc).
pick 3 big goals to work on each month.

each day do 3 small tasks from your list and do one thing to advance one of your big goals)

You can't...

Those who seem manage everything have additional help (cleaner, gardener) or work part time.

I think women have the worst deal these days because they are expected to work full time and still do everything at home/most of the childcare because similar expectations are not placed on men.

When it reality it is impossible for the average woman who does not have paid help or isn' t wealthy enough not to have to work.

I think we need to stop being our own worst enemies and expect men to do more and keep pushing for more flexibility in the work place.

Yup, it’s tough. I work 30 hours and DH works long hours - but at least both of us are mostly WFH which does take the edge off. Kids are preteen/teen so life has got a bit easier since they can take themselves to/from school/clubs don’t need childcare. And we have a cleaner which is a godsend - it makes us tidy round every week before she comes. But we have a house which needs renovating and it’s so hard to find time!

Oh definitely, zero time for that sort of nonsense.
Drawers and cupboards cleaned out twice a year, spring and autumn, with a charity bag on hand.
Other than that it was the black bin.

She's retired now but still exactly the same. The living room still gets done in the same morning of the week. And upstairs on the same day.

I wish I could be as ruthless with stuff. Because that is definitely the key.

I could have written this. My house/garden is such a mess. I feel like I need a week off by myself to just completely blitz/reset and try to keep on top of it going forward.
I work full time and an additional 16 hours a week part time too, so when I am home I want to spend the time with my children. Its so overwhelming.

But where are your children in this and who is taking them and picking them up from school/ nursery/after-school club, and when do you spend time with them/ do homework?

I also think that 'flexible working' has actually made full-time work harder, I can't remember when I last had a reliable hour for lunch or could just say I was finishing at 5pm each day.