Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

I’d charge them for the stuff you store for them😈

Whats sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Reminds me of that thread when a couple moved into their house they found all the neighbours junk in the garage. Another neighbour was also squatting on their allotment that came with the house they hadn't told them about.

OP tell them if it's not all gone by X date you will sell what you can for scrap and tip the rest.

There are two things that stand out for me.

1. Your parents entitlement has been passed on to your sibling so that they started using your home as storage too. When you spoke to them they took some of the stuff away! That was the point you should have said ALL of it had to go.

1. Sorry but I think your DH has to grow a backbone and either stand up to you and them. It’s one thing to store a few small items in a spare bedroom but something else to have a caravan blocking your view and larger items restricting access to your garage. Why has he allowed this? Please don’t say it’s because he’s nice and he does it to please you as I would then start asking whether you are as controlling as your parents.

@jackstini it has occurred to me to suggest they park it at my siblings given they use childcare as an argument - my siblings haven’t had a pay off for it!

Im going to tell them today - realistically they have a month - 6 weeks so the sooner the better. DH is relieved! I was also thinking this is a big move for us and having to factor where we store their things (they also have a smaller trailer) is hassle.

They’ve actually been on Google maps to
try and ascertain if their van can get in our new barn which has royally annoyed me. Tbh that was a turning point for me.

its good that you’re telling them today but you must realise that it is NOT up to you to propose alternatives, right???

@donthaveaname we dont really have the space for it now without a compromise on our part at the new place. It would block my beautiful view which is the stuff of dreams for me (the view) and I know my mum doesn’t want to block her view, but that’s up to her.

If your mum doesn't want to block her view with her stuff she should sell it or bin it.

They also say “they did ask” like I’ve not got the choice to change my mind. I think it’s fair to say enough time has passed that I can reconsider.

Tell them that when you move, you won't have spacee. I wouldn't want their stuff in my home even if they were paying rent. As they get older they'll have less use for things like a caravan anyway. They could hire a site to leave it on but presumably they don't want to pay. Well, tough.

@TheSummerof25 aren’t you just muddying the waters by asking about charging rent? The issue is that you don’t want to store their stuff whether at your current home or if you move. You need a black and white solution, talk of charging rent you don’t need and building barns just turns it grey. You ask them to take their stuff by X, you are not able to store it any more (ideally tied in with your move). Change the access code on the gates. Yes, there will be fallout but if they don’t come around after an initial sulk/objection neither of them are actually good parents or grandparents. If it’s fundamentally transactional there isn’t much to lose, is there?

Honestly didn’t expect the strength of feeling. Expected more of a mix of they’re my parents and I should be accommodating.

Can never understand parents who inherit and don’t give some to their kids!!!

Don't let them beat you down with arguments. You don't have to have an answer for everything.

Even if you had infinite money and space ... you can still say, sorry no we are not storing your stuff any longer. We just don't want to.

I do think your mum is enjoying having this hold over you, and taking you down a peg or two by spoiling your view with a massive caravan etc.

I’ve also got a load of furniture in the house and other stuff in the garage which thinking about it, we really need gone otherwise we’ll be paying removal for their stuff too. So it makes sense to call it on everything.

Leave it all behind. You've the patience of a Saint.

do think your mum is enjoying having this hold over you, and taking you down a peg or two by spoiling your view with a massive caravan

I think in the least she is prepared to forego my comfort for hers.

I think you have to expect they will be massively pissed off and howl and wail and guilt trip. You have to expect it and then ignore it.

Grey rock and broken record techniques.

I wouldn’t charge rent, no. But I would say no I can’t store that for you, or this needs to go now because I need my drive back. It sounds like you need to set some boundaries and speak up for yourself.

What a pair of dog shits they sound.

Parents are supposed to help and support their kids - even when they are adult. I am the parent of adults btw. There’s something wrong with people who see their kids as an opportunity to store their shit for free.

The move is a great time for this shit to stop. I would simply tell them that this is your livelihood and if they want anything stored, then they have to pay the rate that you could have charged the facilities out at.

What is wrong with them? Why are they acquiring loads of shit they can’t store and expecting you to do it. They must have something wrong with their personalities.

If they charge you before why wouldn't you charge them now. They have the money is not like they need the storage and don't have the money.
I see it more like a transaction than a family favour. They shouldn't charge you for rent in your own home that is kind of weird.

They’ve trained you accept their batshit selfishness for a lifetime OP - time to listen to unbiased outsiders to get a real picture of what is going on here. Through no fault of your own you can’t be objective

They are using you and manipulating to their advantage if you push back with ‘but we helped you with xyz’ or whining and moaning simply to get their own way

I would store anything for my parent my parents and would never charge them rent. If I had your parents though charging them rent would be my plan B, plan A very much being don’t store their stuff. This whole relationship is clearly very one way. They’re taking advantage of you. The house move is the perfect opportunity to reassert your boundaries.

Don't even charge them; just tell them to find somewhere else to store their stuff!

You may get the howling and wailing and guilt tripping from your siblings too, on behalf of your parents (I think this gets referred to as "flying monkeys").

You have to expect and then ignore that too.

No-one will be expecting, or used to, you having boundaries, so it will be unconfortable for a while. But imagine the freedom after!

This is the ideal, and possibly the only, chance to get rid of it.
I wouldn’t go with charging them I would go with getting it away once and for all.
Your new home will also be your business, that will change things in a lot of ways which mean that having their stuff is inappropriate-

1. It makes the place look unkempt which isn’t good if you have clients coming to the premises.
2. It may make it less safe to comply with fire regulations which you will probably have to do.
3. It could very well not be compliant with your business insurance.
4. It might upset new neighbours.

This will inevitably not go down well so plan how you present it and manage it. You need to tell them, ideally together, that all their possessions must go before your moving date. Follow this up in writing. It would be unfair to your buyer to have it still there at moving day so they need a deadline enough before that to give you time to take any necessary action. If you allow it to continue and charge them it might make you feel a bit less used but will give them even more leeway to add and add to the amount. Ending it now will allow you a cleaner (literally) start in your new home. You might need to get advice on what the legal position is with goods that don’t belong to you but are on your property. After you withdraw permission and the deadline has passed they may count as abandoned. I totally understand that you don’t want to go down this route but knowing the position is always useful.