Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

Just to add, this isn’t going to be an isolated incident. Their selfishness will have been evident in other ways that you won’t have noticed as they conditioned you to accept it.

You honestly think your penny-pinching CF parents would freely give you a barn they paid for? I’d be willing to bet they’d charge you the full cost of building it in the first place.

As @Merryoldgoat said, the things you describe as being ‘great’ about your childhood are nothing more than normal parenting - literally what you’re supposed to do for your kids. The fact your parents are wealthy enough to have retired at a young age, and have then taken every opportunity to financially exploit their own children, speaks volumes about them as people.

Your DH has been a saint putting up with their BS for this long. You need to let the scales fall from your eyes, OP, and use this move to focus on what’s best for your own family. You’re not being selfish, you’re just doing what they’ve obviously done all their lives, so take a leaf out of their book - prioritise yourselves, protect your cashflow and organise your home and your life exactly as you want it.

I cannot believe you’ve allowed them to clutter your home and your land for years with truckloads of their old shit, and you’re now worried about appearing unreasonable because you don’t want to shift it all, rent-free, to your new place!

Of course you can reconsider. Also, your mum being reluctant and arsey about helping with your children when she looked after your siblings' kids without complaint would royally piss me off.

Your parents, particularly your mum, seem to resent your success so they feel entitled to make unreasonable demands. Are you more successful than your siblings? Has your mum always favoured your siblings? It sounds like a pretty toxic family dynamic and you should put your foot down and refuse to keep storing their stuff and pull right back from them if your mum becomes unpleasant towards your DH again.

This isn’t a sustainable arrangement, they are using your home like a spare lock up garage! Just tell them that the arrangement needs to end and they have to make alternative arrangements for their things. You need to put your DH ahead of your parents now. He is your family.

They are being ridiculously entitled in feeling they can dump all their stuff on you in exchange for spending time with their DGC.
You are being ridiculously weak by allowing them to exploit you and your poor DH, and for such a long time too!

Tell them that the move is a line in the sand and they need to remove all their stuff before completion date.
There will be short term fallout, of course, so the sooner you tell them the better.

So you had to pay rent and pay back the full 35k?

Did you live with someone at the time?

You need to look at insurance etc if you are going to be running a business. These items may cost you money to have on your land now because you are a business.

It sounds like they're hoarders to me.

They just have loads of stuff and see your land as a convenient place to store it. I'd be furious and I'd definitely tell them to move the caravan.

Tbh that’s exactly it - they do use it as a spare lock up, I’ll be working from home on a call and watching my Dad unload his latest purchase.

My sibling also told me, when he did the same, that I was being unreasonable. We have another sibling that doesn’t talk to any of us (really) and they suggested that behaviour I like this - ie me asking them to move their trailer which appeared one day, was perhaps part of the reason our other sibling doesn’t talk to us! They said it would be there a week. DH started to use it for storage and only then was it moved, because ironically my DH utilising it (he actually put their own stuff in it) irritated them.

No, I bought the house on my own. I did have a lodger because I was stretching myself financially.

You are lucky to have the husband you have for putting up with your nonsense. You allowed this along with your parents and you should be very lucky that he’s tolerated it

Lots of good advice on here. Well done OP for finding your backbone and standing up to them. No doubt it will be a shock so be prepared for lots of fury & emotional manipulation.
It's not often that posters are so unanimous about an issue - but everyone can clearly see how you've been manipulated into making your lives less easy for their benefit.

I'm another poster with adult children and I can confirm that our job is to support and make their lives easier as they navigate family life - not to use and abuse them. Good luck and remember that grey rock mentioned upthread - "this no longer works for us. It all needs to be gone by....."

I'm glad you've decided to tell your parents to move their stuff @TheSummerof25 - I feel a lot of FOG coming from your post. Have you looked at the stately homes thread? I would also look for alternative childcare going forward - then if your parents want to see your children it can be framed as having a lovely time rathe than something which is held over your head...

This. This. This!

So glad to hear you are making some changes OP. There will be fall out, but better a clean break than simmering resentment.

I'm with your DH on this - you absolutely can and should charge them rent for an agreed amount of space. If they don't like it then they can find somewhere else to store their stuff.

Don't accept any of their junk - it's not your problem and they are extremely selfish to think it is your issue - have they always seen you as an extension of their wishes ?

Your parents are CFers of the highest order! They have turned your home and grounds into a hoarder’s paradise to keep their own place free of clutter. Your DH is a saint for putting up with it for so long. Good that you’re talking to them today - if they start kicking off, hold firm and grey rock. Frankly your marriage and your sanity - and the view! - is more important than maintaining a close relationship with these freeloaders right now.

No. I would not take a single thing of theirs. No. Use the move to draw a line under all this nonsense. Then they can start treating you exactly the same as your siblings. They're massive CF, and manipulative with it.

Put your DH and DC first now.

The trouble with taking a couple of their things with you is that you'll constantly have to maintain that boundary, and every time you catch sight of those things you'll feel resentful. Don't do it. Bite the bullet.

Collect that rent

From the way they've behaved I wouldn't even store their crap for a fee. They are highly likely to take the piss again - late payments, bringing and dumping extra stuff, etc.

Agree

OP, you have a chance to make a fresh start with this new house and say no to ALL storage.

Tell them everything will be left behind and they need to collect it by x date, or it will go in a skip.

Once they get used to paying for storage, they will get over it!

I actually feel really angry and affronted on your behalf. They're so bloody rude and cheeky! Stop it completely- not storing 'some stuff', not charging rent just nothing!

Having read all of your posts OP I'd like to change my answer - time for them to move their caravan and all their junk.

To add salt to the wound, and further context, now I’m on a role, they’ve just bought a new house. They could have easily bought somewhere with storage for their van, but as it wasn’t a priority they haven’t. The presumption, I assume, is that they didn’t need to factor that in. Yet their first question when I announced the move was “will it have space for our van”