Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

I think this relationship isn't reciprocal. It sounds like you do an awful lot for them and they don't do that much for you. I wouldn't charge them rent but I would tell them that they need to find another solution for their items and if they didn't get their act together I would give them a deadline. If they want to suggest paying a fee then that's fine but I wouldn't suggest it because I wouldn't want to profit off a family member. It feels wrong to me.

Im just stunned that they are comfortable with storing their caravan at your house because I think that's a huge ask and I would never ask a family member to do this for me long term. Are you on a massive farm with loads of land or something?

It's annoying enough when children leave all their childhood ephemera behind when they leave home, parents really shouldn't be doing it to their children.

They returned all that to me when they sold the family home because it was “clutter” I’m realising the irony as I type!

@Sunaquarius we have some land and a fair amount of hardstanding. But the hard standing is our driveway and blocks the house view. We have plenty of parking, but not “out the way” hoping that makes sense.

Please listen to your DH!

This is the perfect time to resolve this issue. Once they get all their stuff into your new place, you'll never get them out. Much easier to draw a line under it with the move.

I'd be letting them know that anything that 'turns up' on your new property will be skipped as well.

Tell them they need to arrange storage of their stuff as you will not have tge space as it will be rented out to paying clients.
They can afford a unit, let them get on with it.

The issue of blocking your view would be the absolute deal-breaker for me. I'd find that intolerable in itself. Sometimes you have to be prepared to let people be angry and pissed off even if it feels unfair - otherwise you will be putting up with this forever.

my Mum was quite spiteful by saying DH needs to remember what they do for him.

How horrible.

'Just to let you know, when we move-none of your stuff is coming with us-we are fed up with it blocking our view'.

Done.

I’ve suggested to DH we tell them they need to find an alternative until we find our feet.

For goodness sake woman, get a backbone! "until we find our feet" means you will then have all their crap back.

Your husband sounds like he is a saint putting up with your wimpiness this situation for so long

I don't understand why you don't just tell them to come and get their crap because you're not taking it to your new place.

Stop letting your parents take advantage of you. Their behaviour is awful.
I’d tell them to take their stuff and organise their own paid storage. And I’d stop the other favours you do for them too.

I'd ensure they remove their stuff within the next 14 days. So that you can at least enjoy the view you once had before you leave this home. And of course so that their junk doesn't put buyers off.

I wouldn't let them move it to your new place either, not when it'll affect the business or income.

This is your chance for a clean slate.

ETA and don't go giving them keys to your new home or outbuildings/garages. Make sure you tell them that any possessions they leave at your new property without prior agreement (never agree), will be immediately returned to them.

Your parents are using you! They have the space to store their caravan at theirs and they have money to pay for storage too.
I think you need to start being firm, regardless of whether the move happens or not. But if you do move, DO NOT say to your mum that they can’t store things at yours until you find your feet because that’s giving them an ‘in’ in future!
You don’t like the van and their belongings at yours and neither does your husband, so stand up to them!
I also think it’s really sad that your mum is using childcare as a bargaining tool. She should want to look after her grandchildren and if she doesn’t then she shouldn’t do it!

YANBU. Give plenty of notice and they can make other arrangements for their junk

Everything needs to go before you move. Tell them firmly that you will not be taking any of their stuff to your new house/business and are drawing a line under that.

No storage, end of. They are adults who can manage their own possessions in future

To be honest, your DH sounds like he has the patience of a saint. I'd have put a stop to that nonsense long ago.

Be careful. Your husband might get fed up in the end. I'd feel like they were taking the absolute piss. I would leave over this eventually. He's a better person than me to put up with this.

Have it moved somewhere else. Their issue how to pay for it.

this has probabaly already been said but i wouldn't offer them the option of paying rent on the storage, I'd just close it down with the move.

I agree with this. Your priority needs to be your husband and children, not your parents. I wouldn’t put up with this and your husband has been a lot more patient than I would have been.

Stop the storage for your parents.
Insist that they are always welcome at the new place but that their stuff is not.

Be realistic and see it only from your own point of view.

Is there really a space as big as a caravan which is available?
If there is, how much does caravan storage usually cost?
Charging a yearly rate up front is often the acceptable rate for leaving a caravan at a spot ready to stay in.
I would never agree to store more than the caravan. It can be easily towing away.

I think the best thing to maintain the relationship is to simply explain you don't have the ability to store their things anymore and please could they remove them within the next month or two.

You're allowed to say no at any point, even to your parents. If you fear their reaction or cannot accept this, it isn't your issue. Your house, your rules as many parents say! 😂

You are too intertwined financially with them. I would do neither. The house move is a clean break. Why on earth would you take someone else’s tat with you to a new house? I wouldn’t charge them rent and I wouldn’t store their stuff. Let them sort it.

You need to stop the childcare and the storage. Your mum is manipulating you and your DH has suffered because of it

Have some hard answers ready for her comments
’But you have plenty of money’
No we dont / you have more

‘What about the childcare?’
We have appreciated that, as have other siblings - not like you do ours just to get free storage is it?! (Tinkly laugh)

’but you will have space at the new place’
No, we need to rent that out so we can retire at 55 - you have made us realise that’s a great goal!

‘what about the space in front of the house?’
We bought this house for the views, really looking forward to them
What about the space at your house?

It’s going to cause friction as they have used you as a doormat for so long

Expect this, prepare yourself - but short term pain for long term gain

Good luck!

@TheSummerof25 Don't charge them!! It will give them more entitlement.

They can then argue that they can bring what they want as they are PAYING for it and you'll never be rid.

Just say no to storage and be done with it. Be prepared that this might permanently damage your relationship with them, but to be fair, they're responsible for that, not you.

They sound very tight (and yes, I've seen that they paid for your postgrad etc, but that was a long time ago and a lot seems to have happened since then).
As others have said, this is the perfect time to stop it. Just tell them – now, so they've got lots of notice – that when you move the stuff is not coming with you because you won't have the space or the desire to keep it for them.

If I were you I'd go with the approach that of course you won't be taking their belongings with you, that's never been a question, it was only at this house that you allowed it. You could also say you would never have allowed it if you'd known how long they were going to impose.

If you mum says about childcare, say it's ok, you've costed up paid care and it is more than offset by the amount you'll be able to charge clients at the new place. And add that you thought they wanted to spend time with the grandchildren, but if they don't, that's ok.

Bat everything back to them. You (and your DH, who seems to have had the patience of a saint) deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labours unfettered by other people's unwanted items.

OMG this is outrageous.
They can't hold your post-grad over you forever!
We paid for postgrads but it wasn't with any expectation that we'd have any sort of hold over our kids. It's just what parents (who can afford it) do.
I second everyone else, just say "Hey, can you come and get your stuff within the next 2 weeks as we aren't taking it with us".