Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

@Wadadli

Yes, absolutely. Fear of reprisals and a fall out, obligation to parents and guilt for sure!

When are you due to move?

it’s time to bite the bullet, good luck.

You need to grow a pair now OP and stay strong. When you move there will be no storage for them. None. If you let them store anything they will just keep taking the piss. Don’t say they will be charged for it as they just won’t pay you. Get a new code for your gates in the new house and don’t give them the code.

the worst that can happen is they’re annoyed. But they don’t sound like they’re ever particularly happy either so would it really matter?

I think you’ve prioritised your parents over your DH for quite a while now and it isn’t really fair. It’s time to stop letting them walk all over you both

Also agree with PPs that you should just stop the childcare. I agree it’s sad they see it as work. Make it clear they can spend time with you and your DC as much as they want but don’t take any more “favours”.

You say you have great parents but I’m struggling to see it tbh. Your mum is tit for tat- with her own daughter! And your dad is a chancer, he knows your husband doesn’t like it but he keeps doing it. They’ll be after you to provide care in their old age too, have you running around after them.

It won’t be easy but just tell them they need to find alternative arrangements. Don’t give them a key/code/access to your new storage. If stuff turns up on your land just let it get ruined by the weather etc. Put your husband first and stop pandering to your parents. He must resent you on some level for the behaviour.

Helping your children out with education and loaning a deposit when you can afford it is not them being fabulous parents. They charged you rent on it! We’d all do what we could to help our children out wouldn’t we?

Good luck with your fresh start and new boundaries, it all sounds very stressful. Your relationships will improve im sure, once all their belongings are under their responsibility. As they should be.

@Billybagpuss not for a while yet and it all might fall through but have decided to get the van moved if we stay too. ATM it’s on soft ground out the way but needs to go back onto hard standing for the winter at which point it blocks my view.

Hi mum and dad, with the move to new property on the xx date, going forward we won't be able to store your things on our property any more as we will need the space for building outbuildings and for storing things for our business. We know you're grateful for us being able to store them for 8 years but looking forward this won't be possible. We can drop some bits off to you on X date and you're free to come and collect by XY date, maybe we can go for lunch too?
Lots of love OP

If they push back or harp on about childcare then you just say 'Sorry, but it's just not feasible any more as we really need the space for the business. There's always an option of funding a barn in the future possibly if space allows but right now that's not economically viable for us. We love that you do childcare for us and we are really grateful but this is because of space for the business so I hope you can understand. We'd love to retire early in the future like you guys so we need to make the best decisions now to allow this! DC would still love to see you whenever you want. Xx'

I think you just need a blanket NO and this is a great excuse
You can't go on about storing some stuff or renting it to them as it just blurs the boundaries. And definitely don't talk about renting to businesses
Just say no, no space, you're expanding the business and need it for storage or other enterprises in the future so need it all clear

Get the van moved now regardless of whether you move or not.

You will either have the stress and resentment of it blocking your view and looking crap every day. Or you have one awkward conversation with your parents and they have the stress and eyesore of the caravan on their property.

Even one drop off and pick up a week doesn't equate financially or in any other way to the eyesore. I'm sorry to say I think your mum only wants to mind your children so she can hold it over you.

@LeeshaPaper Mum minds the kids so she can tell all her friends how good a grandparent she is. She’s always telling me how little they all do for their grandchildren 🙄

To be honest, I think you should just say it won’t be possible to have their stuff at yours. Full stop.

Yes I do think you need to shut down this argument that the childcare is a valid reason why you should keep their crap.

Tell them it has to be gone by the end of September which will coincide with the ground becoming softer etc. If they bring up the childcare simply say that you’re sorry they feel that spending time with their grandchildren is a trade off, you’ll have alternative arrangements made by the end of the week.

Who needs enemies with parents like this.

@TheSummerof25 I really feel for you as it sounds like you’re tying yourself in knots trying to keep your parents happy at the expense of your own (and your husband’s) wants. I’m also voting with the people who say not to store things at all in your new home. New house, fresh start! Not to be mean, but your parents sound like pisstakers. Hope it all works out for you.

As above, yes you are tying yourself in knots. Also as above, I feel so sorry for your DH. Your loyalty should be to him, not your CF parents.

Tell them this arrangement is over. Not when you move. But now. Let your mum get shitty, she'll either get over it or she won't.

Make a new start of not being a doormat - you owe yourself and your husband freedom from these PITAs. Good luck.

@TheSummerof25 I agree use the move as a clean slate.

You and DH will have a list of rules for customers e.g. pricing structure, opening times, what can and cannot be stored etc.

Draft the rules and ask your parents to review them as potential future customers. You don’t have to take on board their suggestions but it helps manage expectations.

I know it can seem weird but make things formal as it helps to set boundaries. Send a formal letter advising them they must clear everything (list the items) from your by xx date. Anything after that date will be removed and recycled/sent to the tip. Be clear it’s a requirement if the sale and there is a penalty if they are not removed.

Then send a separate letter formally advising them of your new business and enclosing the pricing structure and rules. Make it clear this is a business and they need to pay or find alternative solution. You could do 10% discount for family.

@TheSummerof25 Having read your thread, this is an opportunity for you to give them notice, if you feel uncomfortable, then explain your husband wants a fresh start and a clean palette. You have done your bit, give them notice.

You need to disentangle yourself and fast. No more storage full stop, hard line, no more deliveries.

Stop using them for childcare and if they weep and wail about it tell them how hurtful it is that they complain about it after they did it willingly for your siblings and if they aren’t interested in a relationship with your DC that’s up to them.

I think your parents are confused..it is us parents that should support our adult children in any way we can and not from duty but from love.

To do it would cost you financially.

But more than that there will be cost to your relationship with your husband.

It's not ok.

If you decide to put your foot down and put in boundaries - which I think you should - then I think part of that will be accepting that there WILL be reprisals, there WILL be a fall out, they WILL be pissed off and try to guilt trip you.

I think you just have to ignore the tantrum and put the boundaries in anyway. They no longer have power over you, unless you let them.

Google grey rock. No you can't store it here anymore. Mmm yes I know storage is expensive. No you still can't store it here, sorry. Yes I'm grateful for what you've done for me. No, sorry not storing it here. We have room? Yes but we've decided not to store things for anyone anymore. Yes we're grateful for the childcare, though if you'd prefer not to do it we'll book holiday clubs. No the things still need to be gone by x date. As we're not going to store things anymore. Etc

Your parents are greedy and entitled cheeky fuckers. Just absolutely refuse to house their items/vehicles or charge them rent like they did to you.

I can't believe that as well as you paying your parents back in full, they also charged you rent while the house was being sold. They sound like awful people.

I would just tell them it needs to be moved when you move or it’s being scrapped. Do you really want to be storing their junk forever?

I agree with those saying don't charge them rent - tell them to find somewhere else to store it. Really, you don't want to be encouraging this, at all. It puts a damper on how you can even envisage your own home, and if it's taking up business space it will dampen how you think about making the most of that. Don't forget - they are always asking more space, more amenity (your view), and now they want higher standards - just because you'll have it. Get them out of there and stop them thinking of you as a free way place to dump the stuff they don't want cluttering up their own space. It's annoying enough when children leave all their childhood ephemera behind when they leave home, parents really shouldn't be doing it to their children.

I like Keroppi's approach.

You are the weak link in all if this.
This new property us also your husbands. He doesn't want all your family's rubbish dumped there. They have had a fair crack of leaving stuff with you.
Now, you need to stand by your DH and say No. Just No. Their stuff is not moving with you.
It is time to cut the apron strings.