Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

Get it towed and deny any knowledge.

Car? What car?

Just like PP said it’s a big F Y from them.

What are you going to do about it?

Call them and ask them when they're getting the flat tires fixed because they can't just leave a disabled vehicle at your house. They'll have to have it towed to their house.

Your parents are arseholes OP and clearly don't care if they put strain on your marriage. I'd tell them it's being towed and then suck up that cost. I'd be making clear that anything else they've left at yours will be binned and that you're not willing to allow them to store anything at new property even if they were willing to pay - you know deep down they'd not pay you anything.

I got so excited to see you'd updated, and I wasn't disappointed 😂😂😂

Their audacity is out of sight. Your gloves need to come off now and do not think that you are ruining the relationship. Their choices are doing that and clearly they are not interested in preserving it.

I am livid for you!

To answer some questions; they do use their car. I’d be surprised if they cope for long without their car.

I suspect they’ll be around at some point today at which point I’ll speak with them. I was expecting them yesterday and was pleased as I’d have DH around for back up. He’s working today. I know if DH told them to leave they wouldn’t argue. DH is reluctant to fall out with them though and I understand why he’d prefer me to deal with it.

Even me and DH didn’t see that coming 🤣

It's just a game of oneupmanship to them. It's your life and your property. Honestly, they are terrible parents. Parents who genuinely love and care for their child would not play games like this.

If they continue then i'd definitely tell them I'll freecycle anything they leave there.

i also like the reporting an abandoned vehicle which it is if you haven't agreed to it.

I think you’d be wise to subtly shift the power back. Don’t wait for them to ‘probably come around at some point today’ to have a word

TELL them they are REQUIRED to remove the car. Text them that right now! Otherwise they are dictating the pace and controlling the game with you still acting all subservient and being blown around be their actions rather than in control.
That’s not a good message to send them and you’ve clearly rolled over throughout the last eight years and danced to their tune for far too long. Handling it like that is what they are banking on- don’t give them the satisfaction of continuing to act in ways that give them power.

It's just a game of oneupmanship to them.

Me and DH both said they’ll be chuckling to themselves at their plan to swap one for the other 🙄

@Dunnocantthinkofone i didn’t want to message again because they don’t respond. I wanted to speak to their face.

Which is what they are banking on

You need to send an either/or message with two clear alternatives

1. they pick up the car with a specific day/time deadline
2. what the consequences will be if they don’t (I’d get it towed personally)

They either respond or they don’t - it doesnt matter. You simply carry out your actions (as agreed with DH of course)

But the thing is they know they've lost. They're just being very petty and daft. They HATE it that you've won this. Like a child throwing their toys.

They'll come get the car. They may try to leave the van. It might be good to have a consequence to threaten them with should they try eg. you'll move it to the lay by. And then I wouldn't engage. Grey rock them. They want the fight, don't give it to them.

Do you chickens need a change of scenery for some enrichment?

A bit of a ramp (with a trail of grapes or raisins) up to the bonnet of a car? Maybe they would like the view from the top? Especially if you popped some further treats up there? Would be marvellous for the chickens. and a real shame about all the chicken poo on the car

My God they’re cheeky buggers, and very tit for tat.

It’s a lot of money but consider having a bit of therapy before they get older and want lots of support from you. I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t support them at all, but I can also see you running yourself into the ground trying to meet their expectations of you, just like you’ve been doing for the previous decade or two.

Haha they’d be straight up there! We have 20 too 🤣

Can you get it towed?

Yes, and against a background that OP has shared with them how incredibly stressed she is with the move and all the organisation and work that entails.

My parents are difficult. Even my counsellor suggested I see them as little as possible. But they are simply not cruel enough to do this while someone was going through one of the most stressful life events there is. It's akin to knocking on the door of a recently bereaved neighbour and insisting they mow their lawn... but with added mind games. You don't have time for this.

Are you sure they are going to need the car? Could they just drive around in the van for the foreseeable?

Oh my fucking God. They are horrendous for doing this to you. House moving is one of the most stressful things to do and they are actively choosing to make it worse for you - and attempting to place strain on your marriage, too.

I'd be tempted to take a picture of the car, number plate clearly visible, against a generic background (nothing that identifies your property) and leave an anonymous post on your parents' local FB page.

"Does anyone know who this car belongs to? It's been abandoned on our property. Checked the details online and not taxed or insured since 2022. The backseat is covered with bottles of Asda own brand beer and condom wrappers, if that helps. There are also some leaflets for swingers' nights and what look like some final warning letters for house repossession, but I can't make out the name on the front."

Presumably they are going to need the car at some point, whereas they don’t need the caravan. They’ll come back for it.

As you have said that blocking access points to your property is not suitable, and you are not willing or able to stand up to your parents, you might as well just accept the inevitable. They are going to dump whatever the hell they like on your land, and totally ignore your protests.

You can’t change your parents- you can only change your response to them.

If they are using your DS’s caravan stay to blackmail you into keeping the caravan, then you can cancel DS’s visit.

Look into legal avenues open to you. Presumably you have a solicitor due to the impending move- can you pay the solicitor write to your parents setting out your expectations about removal of their property before the move, and refusing permission to use the new property?

Hi OP, this is just a childish instance on ‘winning’. Personally I would not take the bait. I would just file it away for motivation for the future ’no tolerance’ policy for the new house. Keep to you end of August deadline for everything off your property and anything left after that date do whatever it takes to get it gone immediately. For their car that is probably towing / pushing it off your property into the nearest legal parking. If they come over to get it and you are working I would be firm, state you have to work and they need to go. Under NO circumstances accept a van for car exchange.

Apologies I'd morphed caravan into van van in my head. Driving round in a caravan for a week would be quite a tricky!

Do it! Do it! *

*probably best not cos I give notoriously bad advice.