Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

@TheSummerof25 Brainwave right here!!! tell the police that it belongs to SNP and they will collect it pronto!! it will be evidence!! really you need to only allow one of them to enter the gate so lock it till they get there. one person walks in and drives the car out. they are both cheeky shite the beds but I think your mother really wears the trousers!

@TheSummerof25 when is your brother taking it??? would he be likely to lend your parents his car or do your parents have 2 cars at their disposal??

Cheeky fuckers! Are they definitely back though, seeing as it’s a bank holiday in the UK today?
You can picture exactly what’s going to happen. They’re going to turn up in the van to pick the car up and voila, the van is back!!!

I’d block the car with your own vehicles. And don’t answer the phone when they call you saying they need you to move the car

how will they come for the car? In the camper van? Or can they walk to you?

They really are being utter twats now.

Yes they’re back!

Can you quickly go to theirs in your car to bring them back to collect their car?

You shouldn’t have to do this but if not, as you say, just one of them will drive back in the van, have to leave it at yours whilst they drive back in their car.

Call AA/RAC and report being locked out of your car. When it is open, put car in neutral and push it off your land - if you can get to a layby great, otherwise leave on side of the road.

At this point, this is no misunderstanding or cluelessness - as others have said, its a massive fuck you for you daring to set limits with them. You need to put your foot down hard or this will just escalate.

I think at this stage, nuclear is the only option.
Send a damn message anyway, saying that car will be now be forcibly unlocked, shunted onto rough ground, and left there, open to all comers, including tearaway scrotes/chickens etc.
Unlikely it’d be unread, and you’ve warned them. Shrugging your shoulders and tutting has got you nowhere.
I’m in agonies for your husband, contemplating your future in the new place, with the same old shit, and possibly worse, as his parents-in-law exact revenge for your seeking meekly to amend their general access to your lives.

If you let this mini-aggression of theirs slide, as seems to be the plan, in ten years’ time you will have built them an annexe on your new gaff and will be their de facto carers. A policy of zero tolerance is your only recourse now.

If only 1 appears to swap the vehicles, tell them to remove the car from your drive and put it on the street and take the camper back with them.

Following so I don't miss an update!😀

Update:-

They rocked up unannounced to collect their car.

Offered them a cup of a tea which they accepted, my Mum sat looking like she was chewing a wasp. Barely uttered a word to me. Usually I’d ask what’s wrong but I didn’t bother today. My Dad was ok although the conversation did move to our new house and my Dad was telling me how impractical and expensive it is going to be to move some of our larger items. I assured him we’d covered that.

My Mum has been busy telling DS6 he can visit her house, he asked when, she said “anytime” then quickly added “but not today and you’ll soon be back at school” I ask her not to do these false promises as it’s just frustrating for the kids.

She also went into my greenhouse whilst I was inside and started asking about a random garden fork she was convinced was hers - ultimate tit for tat. We were left alot of garden stuff by the previous owner (she was elderly and moved into a home) and I’m fairly confident it was ours and not hers but said take it if you’re especially fond of it 🤷🏼‍♀️ that was just her being a bit of a knob.

She also promised DS6 sweets from her holiday but of course those didn’t materialise either. I had already told DS6 they wouldn’t - he said she promised. I said she won’t don’t be disappointed. Funny anecdote - when she was using the van alot I would ask for her to bring me back a stick of rock and she told me she couldn’t do that everytime, it was getting too expensive. 🤣 The irony!

oh well. Sorted now! Thanks MN’ers.

That is maliciousness at an epic scale!! You are amazing to have handled that so gracefully 🙌

Your kids are being hurt by your mom promising things and not delivering. Eventually, they'll not care to spend time with her.

I think she's hurting your kids to get back at you not being the dutiful utility kid good enough for storage. Maliciousness is just the tight word for her.

I'm glad you finally have their things off your property. Be careful they don't try a last minute drop off of something to foul up your move.

I think she's hurting your kids to get back at you not being the dutiful utility kid good enough for storage. Maliciousness is just the tight word for her.

It will be partly that. But she has always liked to be seen to be doing the right thing and the doting grandparent but in reality it’s too much effort. If I had a pound for everytime the kids asked her to join in with something and and she said “in a minute I’m just drinking my tea” or “I’m just sat down” we would be buying the new place cash.

She cried once because I hadn’t asked her to look after DS6 for a day like she had my nephews when they were small and then when I allowed her to look after DS4 (and made clear this meant dropping a nursery day) she was really relieved when I eventually put him back into nursery on that day instead 🙄 which I did because I could tell it was all too much hassle but I was pretty pissed off the entire situation was all bought on by herself.

There’s something truly evil about toying with children’s emotions like that. I get you’re saying it’s not intended to be hurtful but that’s the outcome so same thing!

What a complete petty cow she is.

It sounds like death by a thousand cuts with her.

I bet you and your husband are glad to see the last of their stuff and here's hoping no more narc shenanigans for a while and an easy move.

Bet the van’s been sold by Christmas 🤣

So moving some of your larger items will be "impractical and expensive" but schlepping their stuff about the countryside is fine. OK 😁

Well done you for not entertaining your parents' importuning nonsense. At one time you might have agreed with your Dad and asked your Mum what was wrong, but not now. Remember to keep not giving an inch etc. They'll only understand that they won't get their own way when you stop giving it and it has to be permanent.

@Ambivilentbeing I get so frustrated - she’s been telling DS he can have a sleep over since April time. I keep saying just stop talking about it! Because I know she won’t.

Wouldn’t surprise me!

The nonsense re our stuff being difficult to move was just to put a Debbie downer on it - and also to justify to themselves that we have space.

Said to DH; I can’t believe that having been told equivocally that they’re upsetting us, especially DH who’s the house is too and to whom isn’t their child, they STILL don’t give a shit and are STILL making out like they’re the victim and being arsey. I would have apologised if I’d realised I’d been upsetting someone for years and that a favour to me was causing issues for someone else!

The nonsense re our stuff being difficult to move was just to put a Debbie downer on it - and also to justify to themselves that we have space.

Exactly. And the big difference between your stuff and theirs is that yours belongs on your property and theirs does not. Your Dad is triangulating himself every which way to justify using your home as a storage depot and isn't pleased you've put a stop to it. Even if you did have space, so what? You aren't running a storage facility.

So disrespectful to you to continue to ignore your very reasonable request to stop with the false promises and downright cruel to continue to inflict them on your kids.

how you restrain yourself to not explode in anger is a miracle!!