Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

I agree. What are you going to do OP if they just park it like they normally do? You need to have a plan in place.

making it clear to them hasn’t worked before so is likely not to now so what is the plan?

You're scared of conflict of them, and scared to do anything that might start that conflict. They know that, so will continue to take the piss

I think that's been pretty obvious from the start, @VimesandhisCardboardBoots, and having once been in this position myself I do understand

Somehow it has to be overcome though, because the alternative is a lifetime of being walked over and sneered at, as the "D"M's smirks and "silence" when any of this is laid out demonstrates, and very possible damage to the marriage

So all we can do is hope that OP will find her mojo and that a much better future can be built

God they are a right nightmare. You can only hope that 40 mins is going to deter all the drop in's and daily disruption but in your shoes I would absolutely be trying to find a way to secure access and stop people just rocking up while you are working and juggling school holidays.

My honest belief is that they not only intend to leave the van with you until the last possible minute, they will force you into a position of covering the costs of removing all their hoarded crap too just to have vacant possession. I would absolutely be padlocking the gates when they leave and simply picking up DS at your brothers house. He can keep the van or stick it on their lawn. You can simply tell him that it was agreed with your parents :)

Well articulated. And worth reflecting, OP, on what actual impact her smirks and silences have on you. You can change your reaction to them. Step outside and be an observer. They might not be the big hitting weapons that they feel. Your parents' disapproval, their grumbling about being inconvenienced... maybe you and DH can weather that together and the world doesn't end.

Don't expect them to like it when you change things, but maybe consider whether you can sit with the disapproval and let it wash over you. Grey rock. Sticks and stones, all that, if you'll forgive a mixed metaphor.

Desperately hoping OP’s parents don’t bring back the bloody van today!

And you’re only covered by that insurance if you have the owners permission to use the vehicle so given they don’t want you to drive the van to theirs you wouldn’t be covered

OP I wouldn't put up with this for a minute and I have a very close and supportive relationship with my parents.

I wouldn't want my OWN possessions around the house like this - rarely used, in the way, and detracting from the beauty and pleasure of my home. The idea of someone ELSE storing their crap at me, and what's more indefinitely, is unthinkable. Why???? We all have to live with homes and stuff we have - we can't live with half our stuff in someone else's home.

This is nothing to do with whether your parents were/are nice to you or not. This is invasive and crosses a line - it's your home to do with as you choose, not theirs.

I would put my energy into working out why on earth this situation has come about and why you feel so unable to put a stop to it. Good luck!

I’ve sent a message to say

”I hope you have a good weekend.
Do not return the van to my house. It is not staying until DB uses it - I asked for it to be gone by the end of the month. Youve had time to find somewhere else.
DS isn’t staying in it, not that I agree that’s a relevant consideration re its storage.”

and now we wait.

I know my mum will be whittering that I’ve ruined her weekend but I’m so so cross! I feel really upset tbh. About a fortnight ago l set out exactly why the van is an issue (my post of 09/08/2025 19:29) and thought I’d made myself clear. But they’ve demonstrated they’re still happy to push my boundaries, knowing in no uncertain terms how much it pisses me and DH off…

I am already in a flap about the move and 100 other things, so it’s possible I’m projecting, but even more reason for them to just respect my view and help promote my peace!

Well done - if she replies saying you’ve ruined her weekend tell her she’s ruined your summer!!

Well done from me too! You’ve tried to be nice about it and very accommodating- but you are absolutely right to be really clear now what needs to happen. Good idea to have sent message as no scope for ‘we thought you said….’

You have been much more patient than most would have been and enough is enough now - you have more than enough on your plate as it is with school holidays, school changes and an impending house move!
The van needs to stay gone now.

How much other stuff is there that needs to go?

They’ve taken their furniture already - because it was convenient for them too. There’s a few bits outside that are less problematic.

What if they just disregard your text and bring it back?

Well done. You will feel rotten now of course but this is long overdue. Only by taking this stand can you hope to improve your relationship with them onto a more respectful footing longer term
Besides your mum deserves a ruined weekend quite honestly. She’s been ruining things for you and your DH for the last 8 bloody years!

That’s good! Fingers crossed they got the message!!

You are definitely not projecting AT ALL. Everyone here completely agrees your parents are absolute piss takers. So take heart from all the support here!

So in answer to my question???

What are you going to do, if they DO bring it back?

You really do need to be prepared for this OP, they are bound to cook up some reason why they can't keep it with them, and why it MUST be at yours, so you need to prepare yourself.

I get it I think, they treated the 35k deposit as though they had bought that share of the house and were renting that proportion to you, while you paid for the mortgage on the rest of it.

That seems weirdly complicated!

If this is their mindset though it would be reasonable to draw up a new agreement along similar lines to coincide with the move. However, I have my doubts they would pay.

The mood I’m in now perhaps take a sledge hammer to it 😂

They don't care about your peace.

They care about getting their way and making you bow to their will.

Big old chain and padlock. That's the statement you're going to have to make. They leave it outside the gates, it gets towed.

Whatever they leave, trash. That's the statement you have to make.

Did you tell them to remove the van in writing?

Padlock and chain on the gate on the day they are due to return is a great idea. I would do that. And not answer my phone.

Now THAT I would like to see! lol.

SERIOUSLY though, how do you see yourself coping with that situation? Have you ever actually shouted at your parents OP? I know you expressed your frustration rather forcefully to your DH when they overheard you that time, but have you EVER lost your temper with them and shouted at THEM?

If they show up unannounced then I think you need to say they can’t bring their dog in the house where it will be near your dog and children. Leave them outside and don’t mention food.

You are not projecting! Good for you for wording the message so clearly. They are incredibly selfish and thick skinned so may still try to bring it back. I would practice some calm responses and phrases you can have on repeat,
‘no, sorry if you don’t like it but the van isn’t coming back in’
‘I don’t want to argue with you but the van isn’t staying here’
‘we don’t want to fall out with you but the van isn’t etc’
‘please understand that we mean this, the van isn’t coming back and we are unable to store anything at the new house’
Practice standing tall and breathing deeply, you need to present as confident to feel confident and they need to start perceiving you as someone who deserves respect.
Sadly you may not succeed in keeping their possessions away without falling out with them, but this might need to happen to allow you to move on from the current pattern of behaviour.

Honestly OP, if you were posting about your husband's family being so toxic, and him tolerating it, as you have, I would be asking you is the marriage worth this constant grief?

Your parents are really ghastly people.
They couldn't care less about you, your husband, your family, and all the stress ye are under moving house.

I feel really sorry for your husband.
What a shower to be lumbered with.