Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

Every piece of advice you have been given you have an answer to.

You dont want help, you just want an army of MNers behind you saying "you go giirrll" and how awful your parents are.

Well crack on then, as I said in my first post - your H has the patience of a saint with you and your parents.

Hahahaha, that’s even funnier then!!! Obviously not for you guys though. It would make far more sense to leave it at your brother’s house surely?

Oh bore off. I’ve not ignored every piece of advice at all. In fact I’ve taken a lot of board from this thread if you have the patience to see where I started. There are reasons I can’t move the van, one of those is because I don’t want to but also don’t have the vehicle/licence to do so. My parents are obviously older than me and so don’t have the restrictions I do on my licence. I can arrange for its delivery opposite the house - but not to their house, which is what you suggested. It might be enlightening to know that your singular suggestion isn’t the only possible resolution.

Exactly! Which is why I suggested it. Like my son needs it on his driveway.

Locking your own gate isn’t an extreme thing to do.

It sounds like you’re not looking for a solution.

Ive said elsewhere but we have more than one gate, we have other people legitimately access the house/property so it would be a PITA. I think people are assuming our house is a standard house on an estate - it more unique in its location and surroundings so a bit more nuanced.

OP this is going to come to a showdown I think. They are going to continue to push boundaries and attempt to treat your new place like your old place until you are able to enforce your will with them. Attempting to placate them as much as possible (with impromptu dinner for example) and not to take 'extreme' measures I'm afraid is pointless. This will continue until you refuse to accept it anymore.
I would propose, if they do not move their stuff by your end of August deadline, put it in black bags / take out whatever insurance is required to drive the vehicle / pay whatever is necessary to ENFORCE YOUR WILL and get everything off your land by your deadline.
I'm willing you on and really hoping you can make the changes needed

@Firefly100 I’m making it clear it cannot come back once it leaves today. They have no intention of moving it and have had ample time to sort an alternative.

That's great to hear - I am really hoping you manage it - good luck

I see. Would it be possible to just lock the gates on the day the caravan is due back?

I hope they listen and do not return the caravan.

I'd charge the buggers a small fortune. Hopefully they will get the message

What will you do if they come back with the van? Just because you need to be prepared as I fully expect they will do that.

im sorry they’re doing this to you, and while it hurts at least you see the truth now of their behaviour. You can do this!

I'm sure you will say you don't have time, but I do think some counselling would be so useful for you in deciding what boundaries to draw and how to keep them.

You're in the middle of this, as we all are with our own families, and it is hard to see the wood for the trees. What would you advise a friend to do? My feeling is it would help you hugely to step outside this and imagine it as chess moves in a power game. In that context, personally I think changing the codes sounds worthwhile and holding some really strong boundaries round work, kids and dogs would be entirely reasonable. If you don't they "win" by returning the van and they "win" by disrupting your work, and your position is that much weaker going into the big battle for moving day. They will only take you seriously if you win some battles, hold some boundaries. Pick your battles, by all means, but you need to win some of them before moving day. And the wins gather momentum.

Don’t tell them where you’re moving to. Give them a date to take their stuff or you’re scrapping it.

Your parents, especially your mother, do seem like very unpleasant people to me. Everything has been on their terms, even them doing some childcare which your mum guilted you into, but she then holds it over you as though it created some debt that you need to pay.

Everything they do makes their life easier and your life harder. That isn't how most parents behave.

Their argument that because your six year old is going to be in the van for a day so you owe them additional time to park their van on your land is ludicrous. I can't believe that they have the brass neck to come up with that crap.

I think that you are still struggling with Fear, Obligation and Guilt, so completely defying them by changing the code so they can't drive the van back in would probably trigger some narcissistic rage in your mother, which is scary for you.

If you stick to your agreement but your parents come up with more excuses about why they can't take the van back, you need to take whatever action is necessary, even if it means ending your relationship with your parents.

He sounds like a saint to have tolerated his inconsiderate in-laws for so long, in MN parlance, he has a wife problem! Women are told to leave in-law problems to their OH, why shouldn't he? If the van and crap are not gone by 31st I would move the van with crap onto the road outside my house !and let the police deal with it!

After you move please invest in some counselling to get them as far out of your life as they need to be to protect your mental health and your marriage,

On top of their extensive, ongoing abuse and disruption towards you they are now rude to your DH and dismissive of your children. There is no way I’d be making them dinner.

It sounds like you need a loooooong break from seeing them to get some perspective on how deeply selfish and unpleasant they are. And how that won’t change.

You are one of the people they should love and support most in the world but instead they choose to actively disrupt your life and delight in the damage they cause. These are not people I would want around me and my family. 🌸

When they 'loaned' you the £35K then took rent from you for it, was the rent reported to the relevant tax authorities? Maybe ask them, might shake them a little.

I’m making it clear it cannot come back once it leaves today

Is there a risk that if you say that they will not move it? Maybe say it after they have moved the van?

It might be enlightening to know that your singular suggestion isn’t the only possible resolution.

Good - solve it yourself then and stop wasting people's time with this thread

You are still being completely reasonable about all of this and your parents have been and continue to take the absolute piss with their entitlement to do what they want, when they want, and to hell with how it affects other people.

You realise you are not compelled to engage?

No they have plans this weekend.

My time isn't being wasted. I don't flounce off if an OP doesn't profusely thank me for my contributions and immediately implement all my suggestions.

OP please please come back and update. I am rooting for you! I think moving it to the layby might have to happen, but hoping they have heard you - you have certainly been clear with them now.