Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

My DH is quite capable of dealing with an awkward exchange for a few minutes. He’s not an idiot.

I know, chaosmaker - I wasn't suggesting otherwise, simply drawing a comparison with another situation where addressing an issue was avoided at all costs

Typo

@TheSummerof25 you have achieved one victory. You have united most if not all who have replied into declaring support for Team DH. A rare achievement. His patience, support and understanding has been remarkable.

Continue establishing your boundaries and good luck going forward.

Haha that’s true. He is a good’un.

Going forward, you should deal with the awkwardness with your parents. It's not fair to suggest that he writes that message. They're your parents.

Whether he's an idiot or not? Probably not. But he does seem to put up with a hell of a lot from in laws that many people wouldn't.

I would leave your husband out the rating, negotiating or whatever. He is being very patient but he can tell the three of you to f off with the petty storage stuff. I would.

We do have discussions as a husband and wife. I don’t feel the need to stop speaking with him about contentious issues. The replies are getting a bit silly now.

I agree that stopping work to address the petty problems of your parents storage solutions would have been ludicrous and given far more importance to them and their selfishness than would have been appropriate - especially as they rocked up uninvited during the working day!
If you do send an email though, I’d urge you to send it signed jointly - united front and all that. Otherwise your parents will try to play you off against each other thinking there is leverage to be gained

I was thinking more of them refusing to move the things they don't have room for, causing the OP and her DH to have to dispose of them themselves, then CFs coming back at them. If there is a paper trail, the OP will be in a much better position to bat away any vexatious litigation. As we know, while there is no actual CF Statute, there are CFs who stride around the world acting as if there is. If their pockets are deep enough and their CF brazen enough, they get away with all sorts!

I think that's unfair. Did you miss OP explaining she was in the middle of a very large financial transaction at work?

People who work from home can't always just step away to take care of an intrusive family member or step away at all.

Their boundaries are way off.

I would tell them firmly and clearly that you will not speak with them during your working hours, or engage in any other communicating working hours.

Also that they are not to drop in unannounced and never to enter your property without invitation during working hours.

And that this goes for DH too.

GOOD that she heard.

Don’t row back.

From the dictionary.
Rant: to speak, write or shout in a loud, uncontrolled, or angry way, often saying confuse or silly thing.
Discuss: to talk about a subject with someone and tell each other your ideas and opinions.
We get it, I get it. Your parents are taking the micky of you and you want their stuff gone. Well done! I think most of the forum agree with you on doing that. Or if you rather to charge them temporarily meanwhile they take their stuff away. Whatever and here is when the negotiation part take place, only if you wish to.
I get it. They think you can stop working or any other tasks at their demand, because they think they are entitled to and you must.

I get your annoyance and frustration. And I'm happy for you to get firm on this because you don't want their stuff.
However, rating to your husband about it is not the solution.

You’re conflating two different posts which each had a different context.

@TheSummerof25 So am somewhat late to the thread….

It occurs to me that your parents have, for a long time, had a very transactional view their relationship with you.

Moreover, it only works for them when the balance is in their favour.

I have no idea why this is the case (as it appears not to be so with at least one other sibling?) but perhaps it’s merely as simple as you’ve allowed this over the years. Then is just become normalised behaviour that has continued to escalate as you’ve failed to push back.

I’m pleased you’ve now decided to establish some boundaries, but you will need to stick to them during what I expect will be a period of re-adjusting on your parents part.

They are very likely to push back and say you are being unreasonable because the alternative is for them to accept they have been taking the piss for years and years.

In truth they should be grateful for the money you have saved them over the years, but sadly I think they will be resentful about they money they will need to spend going forward (unless they accept they need to downsize their junk to fit the property they have).

I’m sorry to say they sound very selfish and self absorbed and have no concern for you beyond how useful you are to them in a financial capacity and the negative consequences to you are irrelevant to them.

I think your parents coming over to speak to you whilst you’re working and wanting your attention, hearing you at the end of your tether is good.
You had already told them you wanted it moved so they were obviously wanting to interrupt whilst you’re distracted and try to browbeat you into submission.
What your mum heard was your frustration at being interrupted whilst working and them wanting to talk about the removal of their items which you had already discussed with them.
When they it bring it up you can tell them when you are working you expect them to respect your work hours. That what they heard was your frustration at the attempted interruption from them wanting to continue to discuss their storage issues when the bottom line is you want it removed from your property.

I take it it’s been radio silence since the visit?

Stop using them for childcare and get them to move their junk, you can’t have it both ways.

Yes. I’m not due to see them until next week now, it’s them that drops into me not the other way around.

Why don't you give them a call later? Explain you were working this morning when they called round but DH said they wanted to speak to you.

Don't avoid them.

You need to keep up the conversation that their things are moving within your timescale.

Please don't ask your DH to do this. It's your parents to sort not his.

ok but she had time to rant at her husband about her parents so......

This. Let them make their own arrangements and keep you out of it.

I think it is good that they heard. Obviously it would have been better to say it to their faces, but it's not always easy to be blunt. If they are pissed off, tough. Hopefully they will reflect and see that they have been unreasonable. Do not back down. It sounds as though they have options, but it's more convenient for them to put you out.

Is it your first day on planet earth?

He came into the office I was working in, and I explained why I couldn’t speak to my parents. The whole exchange would have taken less than 10 seconds.

Other than totally ignore him I’m not sure how else i could have explained I was busy. The rant part was probably 5 seconds of the exchange.

Take the positives. They heard you, they now know how strongly you feel so you have less telling to do.
I would email along the lines of
’ sorry I couldn’t speak when you called round but I was working. You obviously heard enough to know that I am finding the situation with your possessions hugely stressful. DH and I are in agreement about this, all of your possessions must be gone by ……. We need the time between then and the move for other work so we cannot change this date. Happy to help in any way we can with moving things to your house. To make absolutely clear now, our new house will be our workplace, will be a commercial premises and we will not be able to store anything there’

For goodness sake you lot, give the OP a break!! She didn't rant at her husband in the way you would if you were angry at HIM, she simply voiced loudly how pissed off she was with her parents, who had turned up and wanted to see her when she was WORKING!!

Please just read the posts properly, and stop jumping to conclusions, the OP already has enough on her plate, without you lot being nasty too!