Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

I agree with you @Juststop2025
Your comment was very appt.
The op is very entrenched in the FOG.
She has made excuses and minimised their childish , selfish and abusive behaviour and will most likely be housing some , if not all of her hoarding parents stuff in her new property.
Her parents have trained her from childhood.
It will be very difficult to break free from this destructive pattern of behaviour.
This is a dance seen very often on Mumsnet.
Many issues on here could simply be avoided with a simple No, that doesn’t work for me…. But that would need self belief and confidence, that some people have never learnt growing up ( I was once like this).

You really do need to stop assuming you know how everyone else thinks and acts. You have no idea what OP will do or whether I am nice or not!

Yes, that's right, you really do need to stop assuming you know how everyone else thinks and acts. You have no idea what OP will do or whether I am nice or not!

Well done, that's a good step towards self awareness.

So when they nipped over DH came up to me (I was working in the home office) he told me to go out and speak to them. I declined as was in the middle of something at work which was urgent.

Anyway. I had a rant to DH, asked if they’re sulking and said I’m going to lose my temper (I was overwhelmed a bit, busy at work, kids dropped in on a teams call with a colleague - because parents rocked up, parents rock up demanding attention I just needed ten minutes to sort something). I had a rant and said I’m not speaking about the van, they need to move it, if they’re not happy that’s their issue - they’ve just bought a house they could have bought someone to accommodate their bloody stuff and that they’ve created this conflict by being entitled and selfish.

Tbh it’s true. But I now realise my Mum heard me! She’s obviously pretending not to have heard and they left soon after. I thought they were outside. They were definitely going to speak about delaying moving their stuff as they were quizzing DH about the move.

I was obviously harsh. I don’t want to upset them and it wasn’t delivered well. But they have been v selfish in knowing we both hate the van and leaving it there because it suits them.

Well maybe it’s a good thing your mum overheard you. Gets it out in the open. No backing down now. Just keep repeating the same, you need to move your stuff by the end of this month. It doesn’t matter when we are moving, we want the stuff gone by the end of the month. We will not be taking it with us or storing it in future.
They have been incredibly selfish to do this to you, especially as they are well aware your husband hates it. Stand together. The stuff goes.

"There is nothing like eavesdropping to show you that the world outside your head is different from the world inside your head."

She chose to stay and listen to a private conversation between husband and wife.

Well done op, it needed to be said and it’s highly unlikely you’d have been as blunt gave to face

Well done op, it needed to be said and it’s highly unlikely you’d have been as blunt gave to face

Yeah I know she’ll have been at the bottom of the stairs listening.

Oh god I’m cringing for you but at least it’s out in the open, kind of, the chances of you saying that directly to them I think was minimal but it’s something they 100% knew and something that absolutely needed saying.

Hope they are able to now move the stuff with dignity and say no more about it.

Yanbu. But I personally wouldn't be changing them rent. I'd be telling them they have 30 days to remove the items and caravan from my house or I'd be getting rid of them myself.

No cringing needed - it's a great outcome. The only unfortunate thing about this was that your DH was the human shield.

Has something been said that makes you sure she was listening? I think it’s great if she overheard you losing your temper over it though. Now she might actually appreciate how serious you are.

Yes - so I thought they were outside but they left from the kitchen and DH said they’d come in. They’d also made a cup of tea in the kitchen which was there when they left. DH said “go outside and speak to them; it’s awkward” but I think he knew they were heading in.

DH thinks they probably heard and them leaving abruptly confirmed it, as they wanted to speak with me.

That’s a good result. Now be prepared for her to go into full martyr mode. “After all we’ve done for you blah di blah etc etc”. Do not be reeled back into the FOG. Remember your feelings are totally valid, and have your grey rock answers at the ready. If it helps, you can do a mental visualisation of yourself as exactly that - a grey rock in the middle of the Atlantic being battered by waves and completely unaffected by them.

Don't cringe or worry, its what they needed to hear.

Be glad they heard you. They might’ve been thinking it was your DH driving it and thinking they could get round you as a soft touch - now they are very much aware it’s as much your decision as his. Don’t feel bad for a single second.

Hope the van and all the stuff gets moved.

I mean, this. And now follow through.

This sounds like a total nightmare. I Ray hope this goes smoothly for you Op but I’ve got a feeling it won’t.

Good! At least they know it's not all your DH that is driving this. Why the hell are they just turning up when they know you're working? They'd do my head in.

I hope when they quiz your DH that he tells them you are moving out a month earlier than you actually are. No doubt they will try to leave this to last minute, probably moving day, then just follow your moving van and take it straight to your new place, you know "just until we find somewhere" 🙄

They've well and truly pushed their luck on this one.

You had a rant at your H??? Why? He is the LAST one who deserves that.

Lordy me, he really does have the patience of a saint with you and your parents.

"Well done" on ranting at the wrong person? 🤔

This is true. Stop ranting at him and direct your anger and frustration where it belongs!