Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

What revenge can your mum do? You can put locks on your gate so they can’t access your garden and if you come home and they’ve left items on your drive in new home, you tell them to come and collect it as you have left it at the side of the road for anyone to take.
You must see they are just out for themselves, pushing you continuously to get their own way and don’t give a toss about how it impacts you. They have made you feel you owe them a debt because they brought you up but you have more than paid them back.
Imagine bringing up your DC and expecting to profit from them, expecting them to store hoards of items because you didn’t want your house cluttered! Imagine smirking at them because they had told you they won’t be putting up with it anymore, your poor DC feeling unsettled because they felt you were plotting revenge just because they had said no!

But you've already anticipated this with putting alternative childcare arrangements into place. She doesn't have anything to hold over you.

Yes but still would prefer not to have the conflict with my parents.

You're tiptoeing round them

Get your DH to tell them to get it shifted

They've got one month and then you'll get it scrapped.

They're banking on that

Yeah I get that, I’m sure it will settle in time, without you giving in and having a caravan on your drive.

You have the conflict with them anyway, it’s just been brought into the open.

I hope for your sake it doesn't develop into all-out war but it does sound from your previous posts that your mum won't let it go easily. Thank god you have such a brilliantly supportive DH who has your back. He's a keeper!

So previously your parents have been perfectly happy and you and your DH have been annoyed/irritated/angered etc with them

now they are going to be shitty with you for a few weeks/months while they learn to accept the new status quo. Is that actually worse?

it sounds like it will just be your mum who is difficult so perhaps just interact with your dad for a bit

@KTheGrey true.

@Bruisername yes. My parents both knew that my DH is really unhappy with storing things. They’ve just glossed over it.

Well done OP - that's a massive step to take and it must have taken courage to be direct with them.
IF they choose to "punish you", you'll need to find that courage again. It might be worth just writing down a few phrases to rinse and repeat if you're under pressure from them.

"I'm not being awkward (difficult / selfish / unkind etc). We've just decided that we can no longer keep your stuff on our property. It needs to be moved by ...."

"We and the children love you and want to keep seeing you. We just don't want your stuff in our house / property".

"What's changed? We just realise that having your stuff here no longer works for us" etc etc

You've taken the first difficult step. Good luck with the next ones.

Well done... now buckle in for the backlash, if you can ride it out, things will get better!

I'd prep for your Mum refusing to do child pick up/drop off last minute at the very least.

Standing up for yourself feels uncomfortable when you do it for the first time. It gets easier.

well you did well to confront them with it and don’t feel afraid to fall back on your DH if they get pushy. Sometimes it’s just easier for the non related one to draw the hard line

I'm curious to know if they ever use this stuff? It sounds so weird!!

At the new house don’t give them the codes or keys as they won’t respect it. My parents have my front door key and they always ask before using it - even though I know they are going round because they are doing me a favour!

So agree. Instead of a conflict 8 years ago saying no to storage it’s been constant conflict since because it’s also caused fights between OP and her DH.

Just keep reminding yourself that the conflict is caused by them. They’ve continually overstepped boundaries & clearly think that what’s yours is theirs. Keep calmly pushing back & insist on boundaries. Sadly they’ve proved to you that kindness & helpfulness will be stomped all over & they’ll just keep taking. They’ll sulk & push for a while, but once they realise you aren’t budging, then you can all settle into a new normal routine. You may have to grey rock for a while & only give them information they absolutely need. Don’t ask for babysitting ever. If you really think the DC are missing out:- “Would you like to have the children on X day or should I book them into holiday club”

And when DM delivers her revenge/top trump, just a bright & breezy “no problem”. To whatever it is.

"They were a bit blindsided and my Mum had a smirk that told me she was plotting her revenge."

The phrase "no good deed goes unpunished" springs to mind.

Whenever this comes up in future, keep reminding them that this was a colossal favour you did them for a long time. Challenge their framing of it as a negative thing you did. No, you did a helpful thing for a long time.

@Bruisername initially they used the van a lot. It’s been used once this year, because they’ve had other stuff on. The trailer they use a few times a year, the furniture is from their old house and I can’t see how it will ever fit in their new one, as it’s smaller and they are using furniture now too. The other bits sometimes.

Genuinely grateful for the responses - they’ve helped me to focus my mind.

You want to avoid conflict and they clearly know that. They are putting themselves first in all this. So put you and your DH first from now on. No need for any conflict - just execute your plan and focus on your move.

Sorry OP, you’re minimising their behaviour again.
They haven’t ’glossed over’ anything. They just don’t give a toss if you or your poor long suffering husband are put out or not so long as they get their own way

You're going to have to. They're not going to let this go without a fight.

They want their crap at your place. It's a form of control. They control that your house is their dump instead of your nice home that you share with your husband. They control you new income stream by blocking it with their hoard. They make sure that your marriage has some discord by you keeping their hoard and making your home an eyesore because they say so and you're afraid of them, so they control that you pick them over your husband. They control bringing their dog over. They have furniture in your house and now that you're moving, they want more dry storage, whatever the hell that is but I know it's nothing good because your parents don't want what is best for you.

@outerspacepotato dry storage just means not outside - so undercover.

I jest not - they tried to measure the barns on Google maps to see if their van would fit. They literally think they can have it if they want it!

Theyre not all bad people - but I agree this doesn’t reflect well on them.

As well as standing firm on getting absolutely everything of theirs off your property and out of your house and garage I really think you should change the access code to your property. The fact that they just turn up when they like to dump more crap on your property, interrupt you when you are working and allow their dogs to tread muck into your home, whilst ignoring their grandchildren is completely unacceptable.

Op, you really need to stand up to their total dominance over you, your home and your DH. Loving parents do not treat their children as chattels to be used as if they own you. Your relationship with them now is so unhealthy for you, all good for them of course.

You really need to put in boundaries to stop your parents and siblings coming onto your property and treating it as their own.