Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

Just interested, so are your parents believers then? As they care for their kids?

Call it the end and move on. It's better for them to be paying storage fees to someone else. Prioritise your own needs and your household's. This isn't one of those things people can't help like needing care. You have your DH's support so this is a good time to brace yourself and put an end to it.

“No, that doesn’t work for me”

I think it's the other sibling that gets childcare. It sounds like there are 3 of them.

I’m gobsmacked. When you tell them they need to remove the stuff, tell them that if it is not gone by X date (say 2 weeks before you are due to move) you will be calling in a house clearance company to take it all away and sell it on your behalf, with you keeping the proceeds in lieu of rent.

Oh yes, that makes sense

Don't charge them rent and tell them you can no longer store the stuff because chances are they won't pay storage fees and you'll be stuck with their stuff.

If you were to charge them even the tiniest bit, they would be demanding everything under the sun 'because they're paying for it' and you would find it even harder. I really wouldn't go down that road.

You've been a doormat for a long time now, making yourself unhappy through choice, and have inflicted that on your family too. The answer is just to say no to your entitled, pushy parents.

But instead you will probably continue to twist yourself into a pretzel and endlessly analyse the situation rather than just fixing it.

Blimey, snippy much?

Op you can go ahead and charge rent, its only the same method you've been taught by said parents so charge away.

@AnonymousBleep
I don’t want their stuff to be honest. It’s just hassle, we invariably end up moving it around and they always add to it etc, give an inch take a mile. Tbh it sometimes irritates me they rock up and spend ages pratting about with them. Bring their dogs (one is a pain the arse). I do like seeing them often - but these visits just serve a purpose for them and it can feel like an intrusion, the kids will want their attention but they don’t want to give it as they’re pre-occupied. My dad’s ok when he comes alone, he just quietly works in the garage. My mum is in and out the house - dogs in and out, trashing dirt.

@Alacartemenu I dont feel I need to address those comments. I’ve taken the posts on board.

I’ve told them anyway it all needs to be gone by the end of the month. I said I don’t want the van back on hard standing as I’ve enjoyed my view but over the summer and don’t want to compromise. They tried to push back and say when I move but I said it needs to be organised now, not later.

Also said all their furniture needs to go, as we’re moving and I’m not paying removals for stuff I’m storing. I said it ALL needs to go.

They were a bit blindsided and my Mum had a smirk that told me she was plotting her revenge. I’m sure I won’t yet know the full extent of the repercussions.

As I’ve posted and thought about it all more critically I’m actually annoyed that despite complaining re our view etc, they’ve bought a property that can’t accommodate this stuff and are still inconvenienced by having to move it. I’m not sure what they envisaged - presumably driving from our current to new house on moving day and parking it straight up.

It's your space, not theirs.

Look you're going to have a falling out, but they need to move their things. I wouldn't tolerate my own caravan blocking my view if I had one!

This with bells on. Give them notice today. Stand firm.

Different sibling. They don’t see any of their cousins.

Well done for setting them straight, @TheSummerof25! I suspect your mum smirked because she thinks you won't follow through with your month-end deadline – so, what are you going to do if the stuff isn't moved by then? You need a clear plan of consequences and to make them aware of it now. She needs to know you are deadly serious.

You feel like you’re mums plotting some revenge for this? This is so sad, it’s not what a parent should be like and I think you need to really listen to your dh now who obviously has seen the situation for the last few years.
i would no longer ask for any childcare at all, I’m not sure that the strings and manipulation is worth it.
I feel sad for you, this is not a normal family situation (or shouldn’t be).

Just read your posts, OP.

You need to set a rock-solid boundary on this, starting right now. Tell them you need every thing of theirs gone by X date or it be collected by council large rubbish item team. Do not move with this stuff. It's absolute liberty. Time to reclaim your space and it sounds like you'd all benefit from seeing a lot less of them generally. Be strong!

I agree with this, you need to lay out the consequences otherwise she is defo just thinking you’ll never do it and she will just leave her stuff to railroad you in the day you move to take their stuff. She is planning for the status quo to continue.

You need to realise your parents are not on your side, they really don’t care about you, even your dad. He has done this to you too, don’t let him play the innocent.

DH will have no hesitation parking the van opposite the house - there’s a lay-by.

If the van appears at your new property tow it back and park it on the road outside their driveway filled with the rest of their stuff.

I just know. Everytime I’ve mentioned it moving before she’s said “c’mon Summer what about all we do for you” so I know she’ll have some sort of pay off.

Before you even move to the new property buy a padlock and chain for the gate so they can’t get the caravan in as soon as you arrive.

But what do they do for you?

other than minimal childcare which you are going to stop anyway, do they actually help you at all?

I suspect her revenge is waiting for you to ask to babysit and then saying no. Then what will she do when you don’t ask!!

alternatively she plans to make a mess when she takes the stuff

But you’ve pretty much got that covered, you’ve already considered the childcare sorted, you’re financially independent, what else can she possibly throw at you whilst still maintaining a good look to her friends.