Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

I would use moving as a reason to stop storing their stuff.
Rent etc is way more hassle then it's worth.

They won’t leave it when I move. It’s junk to me but has a value.

This may all kick off, but please stand firm.

OK I am expecting a major tantrum from them, read up about grey rock and stick with a one liner “DH & I have agreed no more storage for anyone once we move, It’s not up for discussion”.

When they drag the DC and childcare into it again “I’m sad you don’t want to spend time with our DC when you had the others far more but that’s your choice”.

Haven't RTFT, so I'm sue it's been said before - but your parents are taking the absolute piss!

Also if they're such piss-takers, they'll stop paying the rent.

I wouldn't charge them but would set a date for their removing their crap and storing it elsewhere.

They couldn't pay me enough to be putting up with this. Tell the arrangement is at an end and they have until the end of August to fine a new home for it.

Excellent advice through the thread and I agree with @RandomMess that you can gird your loins for a big tantrum and fall out but you will get through it. Don't let tears and guilt tripping get in the way.

If they threaten to go no contact, consider that it might be a good thing if after the tantrum they sulk and don't see you for a while, to give you some space tho refelct on this relationship. It comes across that you have a lot of feelings of obligation about what they did for you in chilhoood & young adulthood when all they were doing is what decent, caring paretnts should do, which is provide the best standard of life they can afford and support children in education. Your sense of obligation is misplaced and your siblings obviously don't feel it!

Grey rock, stand firm and do not back down. Put in an email what you wil do with their stuff if they don't collect it from your current house before the day of the move. Make it explicit that you will leave it behind and they'll have to deal with the new owners to go and get it. back Obviously new owners may well be pretty unhappy at stuff left behind, and either stick it outside for it to be nicked, or dump some of it.

If siblings get involved be very clear its nothing to do with them and to stay the f* out of it. Don't answer any messages from siblings about it and if necessary mute them for a while. Wouldn't be a bad idea to do the same for parents if it gets unpleasant. Get rid of all the parental childcare asap and just concentrate on your (very patient!) DH and the kids and your exciting new move, which must be feeling more stressful than exciting with all this uncessary shit with your parents going on.

Out of interest... why does your one sibling not speak to any of you?

Obviously, you don't have to say if you don't want to, but like another poster said, they probably put boundaries in place and you all trampled over it. You, possibly because you have been conditioned by your parents to, but I'm guessing here.

All of the above.
sounds like they are hoaders.
It really is a very serious mental disorder with a whole range of Denial

Good luck when you tell them.
Stay strong.
you are an adult now.
They can’t abuse you anymore or tell you what to do.
You are equal so you owe them nothing.

This is the perfect opportunity for a flat 'no.' TBH you've been unreasonable putting up with this for so long. They can pay for their own storage, or sell their junk.

I voted YANBU, @TheSummerof25 - if I were you, I would tell your parents, either they build their own barn, or they pay rent at the market rate for storage. If they don’t like those two options, they can find somewhere else to store their stuff, because you will not be housing it any more. Be firm, and don’t back down.

As in they didn't really give you the money but rather took it as them paying x% of the property with you and charging you rent on their share as a tenant?

Either way, it sounds like they took this as a business opportunity and benefited as such, so I would be surprised why they wouldn't understand why you shouldn't take that lesson from them in turn. One thing I am learning more is to hold people up to their own standards, and I would say this is a good situation to do so. You are moving for a business so they can either pay you for the space or find another arrangement.

Sorry your mother sounds awful - a manipulator at the very least. And your dad is just going along with it. You need to stop this now OP.

They joined a religion that doesn’t allow contact with non-believers. Nothing to do with anything we did

I would agree with those who think you should stop enabling their hoarding, in other words when you move you should refuse to accommodate any of their possessions in your new place.
They may well scream, shout and stamp their feet. You should stay calm and polite but hold the line and do not back down.

Sorry @TheSummerof25 . That must be really hard. I apologise for projecting

Wow, your family take the Micky! You and your DH have much more patience than I have. They'd have had their marching notice a long time ago.

You really do need to gird your collective loins and tell them to move their stuff by x date.

Do they actually use the caravan , or just like having it there in case they ever do want to use it. I would suggest that they use the caravan to store as many items as they can and find a storage unit for the rest!

Tell them they either remove their stuff to store or you will be hiring a man with a van to either take it to the dump or deliver it outside their house.

But if course he helped you, he chose to have a child that’s the deal. It’s not help is parenting. It’s not a quid pro quo. Appreciate you think it’s kind of normal but boundaries are your friend. Not taking the stuff parents shall I get a skip / have it scrapped or are you sorting it out?

I'm sorry, but your parents don't care about your wellbeing, only what you can do for them. Their investment in your education etc - which you have seen as proof of love - could equally be considered a selfish investment in their reputation. You need to stop pandering to their selfishness and back away. If they want to love you, they'll do so regardless of what you do for them.

What do you actually want, OP? Do you want to carry on storing their crap stuff and get paid for it? Or do you want to not store their crap stuff any more? Either way, you need to be firm and tell them. I'd use the move as a deadline and an opportunity to draw a line under what must be a fucking annoying 'arrangement'. They may kick off, but if they threaten to not talk to you or look after your kids ever again, all because you don't want their massive caravan on your drive (something that 99.9999% of the population would feel the same about), they they're being massive dicks and they're really not worth having in your lives anyway. It doesn't sound like they do contribute much anyway. Yes they lent you money, but they profitted off that. It was a business arrangement - and of course they realise that the same should go for storing all their crap with you, but they're pretending that's different. They know it's not though.

Stop being a doormat. I know it's hard when it's your parents, but they're not being good to you. They don't care about the inconvenience they cause you. Stop trying to please them as you're not getting anything back apart from more annoyance and hassle.

And an amazingly tolerant husband.

I would make sure that when you tell your parents that the stuff has to go or they pay for storage that you are a united front along with DH. You have BOTH decided that is how things will be in future. Don't let your Mum or Dad for that, treat or think of DH as the bad guy here - you really don't need them in the future to say that they know your DH doesn't approve. That would be unfair on your DH and leave the situation shaky as your parents may think you can be persuaded otherwise.

@TheSummerof25 you haven't addressed any of the posts commenting that you are putting your parents' wishes ahead of your husband's. He's been putting up with this for almost a decade! Stop enabling your parents.

Wow - the Google maps is definitely CF!

Let us know how telling them goes....