Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

End it when you move.

No, I would not charge my parents rent. Ever. For anything.

I do hope you stand firm, this is a ridiculous situation. You KNOW your husband hates the van there - as do you - so why do your parents feelings matter more than his??? He's had the patience of a saint. You're a grown woman with her own family, start putting them first. Good luck!

@RubyMentor they only moved the van for viewings, not everything

So they are hoarders but don’t want to live with their own junk! They are also behaving as though they have some sort of entitlement to store their stuff at yours because you have a bigger house, or have more money (in their view). Seems like a pattern has been set over the years and it needs to be resolved for future family harmony. You don’t say why exactly they can’t store some of their items, presumably they have a small property, but then they shouldn’t buy the large items that they can’t store.
Maybe it shouldn’t just be a financial solution i.e. them playing rent if you can help it, because they could claim they can’t afford it. You all need to have a sit down to discuss, so you can explain the impact it is having on your own family life and work. Gets all the cards out on the table and jointly come up with a plan to remove their stuff from your house. Importantly, your parents need to come up with the solutions within acceptable time scales. They may decide to rent storage, build a barn, sell items, move house.
You and your husband are ‘the team’ at your house and what you say goes. Your parents are family of course, but try to think of it as you would a work issue, i.e. there’s a growing problem and it needs to get sorted out within a deadline. Maybe a small ‘rent’ might focus their minds to get it sorted quickly. I think your parents should fully own this problem as it’s theirs, so don’t feel guilty about how they resolve it and don’t go back on the idea if there are a few upsets along the way. Be firm in your resolve, they have created this situation and it’s time they sorted it out for good.

I’ve suggested to DH we tell them they need to find an alternative until we find our feet.

I wouldn't phrase it this way for a second. It has to go. End of. Finding your feet is something they will happily force a timetable on.

You need to get them to move all their stuff, use the move as an excuse. Doesn't have to be a huge row, diplomatically say the space at the new house is going to be taken up by the furniture so unfortunately you won't have the space anymore. If you charge for space they will just add more and more but won't pay more and you'll be just as cluttered.

I'd knock the childcare on it's head, they don't want to, you sense that, it's used against you so find a way round. I wouldn't declare that's what's you're doing, make other plans and gradually bring them in. As much as we want our parents to love our kids and want to be involved it doesn't mean they will want to. They have done their time of drops off, dinner, looking after with us so if they don't want to do it again in one way fair enough.

On the whole I think you need put more boundaries in with your parents given their transactional view on their relationship with you. Gradually draw away, concentrate on your own family.

If the parents are asked to find a solution they will just say OPs house. They don’t sound like people you can negotiate with

I wouldn’t offer them to pay to store as they won’t and it will escalate and just be a little more. And you will never have your nice view

Let us know how they react OP. I have a feeling you're in for a bumpy ride with the FOG and you're likely to need a handhold

I didn’t vote because I don’t think YABU but I wouldn’t charge them rent either. That would make you as petty as they are. Just say no, you don’t have the space to store their stuff, you need it for your business. End of.

I would only charge rent if I wanted the money. If I didn't I'd clearly explain to them that they need to make alternative arrangements now because you won't accommodate their stuff after the move.

This is way too much of a liability to be honest! What if something gets damaged? - who puts the claim into the insurers?
Personally, I would tell the parents no, you aren’t prepared to store anything at the new place and tell them to make alternative arrangements. There are designated caravan storage sites around the country - let t(em use one of those and as for other items, use a storage unit like other people have to.

Yes, this 💯 percent 👆 You have the perfect opportunity to break this, don't tell them you'll have space at the new property. Say there is no space for their stuff. Give them a date to have to moved by. If they don't, then you arrange to have it towed to their property, they can sort out the rest of the arrangement. Nows a great time to break this. It's making you and your husband unhappy so don't continue this favour.

@MyDeftDuck it’s no liability for me if it gets knicked it’s their issue

Did you have a rent book? Did your dad contribute 25% / any repairs that needed doing / boiler maintenance / buildings insurance?

Was he on the deeds as a 25% owner which then got fully transferred to you?

Did he have landlord insurance? Did he declare the income to HMRC and include it in his self-assessment?

If the answer to all of these is no (which I suspect it is), then you weren't paying rent you were paying interest. £200 a month on £35,000 over 4 years is an APR of 7.3% which is incredibly high. If this was happening after 2008 when interest rates were rock bottom, its even worse in comparison.

Even if it was interest and not rent, your dad should have still been declaring it as income to HMRC (and you should have had a formal loan agreement)

You dad acted like a loan shark and you owe him nothing!

Tell them that they need to make alternative arrangements, here’s a deadline, after that you will be bringing everything to their front garden if it hasn’t gone (get a clearance company to do it for you and bill them). It sounds like they’re not the type to negotiate. It’s not their house, it’s not their space and you need it back.

They sound as though they're hoarders by proxy! And you're the one that has to put up with their hoarding.

How old are they approximately? In their 60s? That's an age when you start downsizing anyway, I should know.

I think it’s about time you took your husband’s feelings into consideration, he sounds like he’s been very accommodating but has now, quite rightly, had enough.

You don’t need to pay your parents back for your whole lifetime because they supported you with your education, that’s a normal part of being a parent, and some can offer more support than others. They sound like they could afford to pay to store their crap things, but they’d rather take advantage of your generosity. If you don’t put your foot down now, when will you?

Op you and your DH have put up with so much from your parents! They seem right CF’s to be honest. Who charges their child that sort of rent?! Time to pull the big girl pants up and you and hubby present a united front. He’s put up with your parents for your sake, but he’s your family and this is your home that’s being affected. Tell them you need all their stuff gone within 4 weeks. You need to start packing and decluttering for your move and you can’t do it with all their junk. And it’s spoiling your view. And stand firm in that. They can afford to pay storage fees or get rid of it.

As for the new place…. We have plans for the storage and won’t be able to accommodate your stuff. And repeat.
They've made it clear they don’t want to do childcare, so you can bat that argument away. And your hubby works very long hours for your family not to subsidise your tight parents.

I’m not surprised one of your siblings doesn’t speak them, I’m guessing they put boundaries down and your parents railed against them and became abusive. That’s the reason you have never dared, they are cunts and any favours they do for anyone has a high price tag.
Whether you put your foot down or not will not change them so let them do their worst! You know they don’t care about anyone’s feelings so their absence from your life is a bonus.

You just need to say to them you won’t be their personal junk yard in the new property, that they can collect it by a certain date else you and DH will be selling them on FB. Any arguments that start just remember it’s not your job to sort out the how and where’s of their items, you just become a broken record saying the same thing to the guilt and shame they throw at you, like ‘ sorry your items are an inconvenience to you but we will not be your personal storage facility’, you say it over and over with them, don’t explain anything more or try to placate them. Take your DH as back up with you and if sibling gets involved tell her too!

They are absolute piss-takers. You don't buy stuff you can't look after.

Draw a line under it. You are enabling their hoarding!

I would explain calmly and clearly to them that you can’t carry on with the arrangement as it will impact your business and cost you £x per month and you can’t afford to lose that. I wouldn’t say outright "you will have to pay us" - let them come to that conclusion themselves.

The alternative is you strongly encourage them to organise their own storage on your land (maybe you wouldn't need to charge them for the space?) and offer to help them get it sorted.

Don't do this! Your buyers could (understandably) refuse to complete if the caravan is still there.
In any case, it's really not fair to lumber your buyers with the problem.

You say yourself that storing your parents' stuff made your home an eyesore.

Their stuff is a hoard and they're using you to store it because they don't want it around theirs. They're inflicting a nasty hoard on you and your husband because you're afraid to tell them no.

How are you going to run a business out of your new place that's an eyesore because of their hoard?

How are you going to get along with your new neighbors if you bring your parents' hoard of crap into the neighborhood and your new home becomes an eyesore?

You're just going to have to bite the bullet here. Your parents sound disordered and it's time to stop putting up with their dumping their crap on you. Your husband sounds really sick of living with their hoard. He wants to share a nice home with you. Your parents don't want that for you.

Think about that. Your parents don't want you to have a nice home with your husband. If they can't get money out of you, they'll get their pound of flesh another way, by using you as their proxy hoarder.

They're going to go ballistic but you're going to have to keep your end goal in mind. You want a presentable, non hoarded home with your husband.

Your parents sound like mean cheeky fuckers, they do not deserve the generosity. I’d be asking them to clear the stuff and they can pay for storage elsewhere unless you want this income stream? I think asking them to pay might be more controversial but I’d remind them you paid rent on the money they lent you.

What will you do if the stuff isn't moved from your current house in time for your move?