Would you charge your parents rent in these circumstances?

[TheSummerof25]

Long story short for the past 8 years my parents have stored (both inside and out) a number of large items/vehicles at our house. One in particular (a huge caravan) blocks our view and I WFH, without it, i have a lovely open aspect and can watch my chickens and the wildlife on my front from my office window. With it, all I can see is the bloody caravan. They know we don’t like it, we’ve reluctantly tolerated it because they’re our parents.

They do help with childcare, but tbh it’s got to the point where they moan so much and have other priorities we don’t bother asking, for example over the summer I’ve just sent them to clubs where they should have been with parents because their apathy was so apparent - it was four days of the summer I’d asked for.

We look after their pets when they go away, we pay a sitter for ours as we know “how busy” my retired parents are. Whereas we just slot it in.

When I bought a house early in my career, I with much lower pay, they lent me £35k for the deposit. I paid it back within 4 years (moved in with now DH and sold my house) but they charged me “rent” proportionally to the value of the house before it sold. DH always thought this was mean. Both parents retired at 55 and have had several inheritances which have mostly funded the stuff dumped at our house - my point they’re comfortable and have reliable income streams.

Now we’re moving, into a house with an income stream to support retirement plans and they have assumed they can continue to store all their junk, but not only that, want an upgrade of dry storage for all items. Storage is used by the business and so there is a loss associated with letting them have that for free. I said they could get planning and build their own barn, but they don’t want the expense. DH has looked and storage for all their items is easily in the region of £350 per month if not more. He said they can store it but they have to pay - like they charged me rent. This move is a huge investment from us and is with a long term view.

I’m reluctant to charge them, but equally don’t think waterproof items which are now stored outside should be prioritised for items we actually need to store for the business. It will create a gap for us. Parents think we could just make it work. Although haven’t enquired how.

YABU - you can’t charge your parents storage
YANBU - they’ve had 8 years free and can put their hands in their pocket.

Your parents sounds awful OP. I wouldn’t even charge them, I would just say no.

Don’t give them until completion date. They will string it out in the hope of wearing you down and giving in to them during the stress of moving.

Tell them a date that suits you, eg end of August. If the caravan and stuff is still at your place by then, put as much of their junk as is safe into the caravan then tow it to their place. Change your gate locks beforehand. Repeat with a hired man with a van.

You said you watched your dad just turning up and unloading new stuff. Now they get to know how it feels.

Everything that @AuldWeegie said!

i wouldn't be charging them rent because I would refuse point blank to store their crap any more.

"I'm sorry parents, we've stored your stuff for the last eight years, but we are moving for a change of lifestyle and need the space we have for those plans. Move is taking place in x time frame so you will need to make alternative arrangements by [two weeks before moving date]"

Wait so if your house cost £140k but you them sold it for £300k you had to pay back £75k back????

Damn, I just thought you meant that they charged interest on the £35k.

Forget charging rent, just don’t take any more of their stuff with you at all.

No, I only paid back the capital, but paid rent whilst I still owned the house - so that money didn’t knock anything off the capital I owed.

Don't tow it to their place. Tell them the date you're moving, and that you're leaving all their stuff behind. If they don't collect it, they can argue with the new owner.

They sound worse and more entitled with every post. You should have asked them why they didn't try and find a new property with sufficient storage space for all their 'stuff'. The sheer cheek of them expecting you to factor in storage space for their belongings when you were looking for a new property to buy is breathtaking. No wonder your DH is at the end of his tether. I presume that he really dislikes your parents at this point, particularly your mum.

I wouldn't charge them becuase I simply wouldn't allow them to store their stuff there.

You're moving. It's the perfect opportunity to put a stop to it.

Get our answered prepared then for being blamed for not warning them they needed to get a new house with storage for their crap.

Because they will 100% turn it back on you

Your husband has the patience of a saint. He must be so fed up with you both working to provide your family with a suitable home, only for it to become a dumping ground for your parents’ shit.

Your parents and sibling are taking the absolute piss.

Time for you to stop being the family doormat. Organise your own childcare so your mother can’t use this as a guilt trip - she sounds like a very poor carer anyway.

All of the stuff gets taken off your property within 2 weeks so you can prepare for the move.

None of the stuff comes to your new home- just tell your family that all of the land and storage will be needed for your business. Don’t even muddy the waters with allowing some stuff, or charging rent, because that would be the thin end of the wedge - just a flat no to all of it.

Don’t give them keys or access codes to anything.

Make it clear that any items brought to your property will be towed away as it interferes with your business.

You have to develop the same level of hard face that your parents have used against you . Stop appeasing these bullies.

By all means charge but be prepared for retaliation overt or indirect. Nowt as petty as folk (disinherited?). Is there a middle way? Give them options, explain pros/cons and then let them decide. Obviously any options would need to be ones you can accept but just keeps it more civil and not all or nothing.

How did you respond to that?

Do you have the keys to the van? I’d loading it up with as much of their crap as I could squeeze in and then would drive it over to their place and leave it in their driveway.

So what if there is a fallout - your parents treat you and your DH with contempt as it is.

Out of curiosity - why did your other sibling stop talking to the rest of the family?

I wouldn’t charge them rent but I would tell them you can’t store their caravan etc anymore.

They've been very business-minded and clinical with you so surely they'd understand it if you were with them. What's good for the goose etc.

That's really bad advice – OP and DH would be liable for any costs the new owner incurs for getting rid of stuff left behind. They really shouldn't drag an innocent third party into the situation.

This is bad what was the comparable rent v interest on 35K?

Have you told them no storage on your land?

You need to send a solicitors letter to make it official and make them pick up their van!

This is the start of you learning how to implement boundaries. They are only going to get more demanding and thus furthering fractions in your own marriage along the way.

You need to be steadfast in this matter.

The more you post about your parents further highlights their sense of entitlement and rudeness even more. How dare they!
Your husband is a saint for putting up with them for so long. He has also been very tolerant of your reluctance to challenge them and support him. Time to draw a line in the sand, no more storage of their items under any circumstances. Support your husband, put your own immediate family first for once.

Well if they moved it for viewings they can move it permanently. Did they move everything back after your viewings? If so that's a really strange thing to do.

Re the childcare; we didn’t ask - it was offered to try and mirror arrangements siblings have had. We still used nursery etc so it’s only in the holidays there’s an odd full day. It’s more hassle than it’s worth in many ways. When I tried to pull back a few years ago my Mum cried because she thought we didn’t want her help. She makes a big song and dance about helping and having the kids but then uses it as ammo

As you said yourself, moving further away will help with this too in that they won't be able to do even what's being offered now, so that's another problem solved

And no, of course you shouldn't pay removal costs for all their junk, so just tell them it won't be going with you and will have to be disposed of if they don't make arrangements to move it

They're users. They're using you. Please prioritise your husband and family. He has more than showed that he prioritises you. The more you post, the worse they sound. Break free for your own family's sake.

Your mother does sound very transactional.
As GPs we provide quite a lot of childcare. We do it because we love our grandchildren, we enjoy spending time with them and want to help our children out. If I said to one of my children ‘remember what I do for you’’, quite rightly,I don’t think I would see them for ages 😀
Just stop the childcare and looking after their stuff. See what you have left of your relationship.
We have keys to our children’s houses but only use them when our children have asked us to. I wouldn’t dream of letting myself in and leaving something.
A pp raised the insurance issue. This is probably quite important. It is hard to insure for belongings on someone else’s property.

This is giving mixed messages. Why tell them “until you find your feet” when you don’t want it. Just be straight with them.

This whole thing sounds like insanity. I would definitely bite the bullet and get their stuff out of my life for good. Do it now so it's over with, no conditions, no 'until'.

OP, can I ask what sort of caravan this is? Sorry, I know it's not relevant to the post, but just wondering what sort of caravan, other than a static, costs £80k, or are they just making up a price to try and impress you? If it was a motorhome, I could see it, but touring caravans, which I assume it is, do not cost that sort of money.

You've said that you're planning on talking to them today, be sure you're absolutely clear, that EVERYTHING has to go, because you're not paying to move their stuff, moving house is expensive enough, so if you do end up having to have it moved, make sure you have it moved to THEIR house, not yours.

Also, DO NOT tell them that you'll look at it at a future date, as you WILL be leaving a door open for them to start doing it all over again.

As a matter of interest, why do they continue to buy all this stuff, if they don't have room for it? Do you think they are actually a bit depressed, and are so unhappy, that spending money buying things, gives them a buzz, but storing it at yours, is out of sight, and out of mind, so they don't feel the guilt that we would, if we were constantly buying for the buzz, and not actually using the stuff. It's actually a very common problem with people who have mental health problems to go shopping for the buzz, but by the time they get home they realise that they don't actually want or need what they've bought, so either end up taking it back, or keeping it, unused at home, until the house is stuffed to the gunnels.