OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

[mummymanic]

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

Not sure why everyone is attacking you over this trip. I am sure a formula-fed 3 months old could be left with the Dad. I would have waited to maybe 6-8 months mark and wouldn't have booked the trip so far in advance of the baby being born though.

This is mumsnet OP where you're not allowed to go on holiday or do anything for yourself until your kid is at least 25.

No-one would be batting an eyelid if it was your DH.

I just don't see the point in having another baby when you already have three kids and are desperate for a break. Just don't have so many... then you will have lots more time to do stuff just for you...which is totally fine by the way.

Okay Dee Dee Blanchard 🙄

How can you leave your 3 month old baby? Your commitment is to the newborn, not to some holiday. And yes, you need rest but that doesn't mean you are literally away from the baby. There are other ways to do so by taking help from family. Seems so cold.

Sorry but it is odd to go off for a week expecting others to look after your 4 kids!

Why do you even want to leave your children for a week, especially a virtually new born baby??

No.

I think you got the math wrong.
She's taking care of the baby for 12 weeks and he's taking care of the baby for 1 week.

I left my 3 month old with his dad for a long weekend. Filled the fridge with expressed milk....it was fine...to each their own. He seems OK so far but I guess time will tell (now a teenager).

Agreed. Everyone would be saying OP should help him pack 😁

Im so glad you've got a solution OP.

We also regular travel individually or as a couple without kids leaving them with GP.

I can't believe some of the replies.

I just don’t agree. If a man was chipping off on holiday and leaving his GF (not even wife) with a newborn and his three kids from another relationship they would be calling him all the names under the sun and they’d be calling the mother an absolute mug! Looking after three kids who aren’t yours, and a newborn while he’s on a jolly. No woman I know would put up with this.

Behave!

Millions of mothers have never done any kind of baby caring, yet they just get on with it...often on their own, because we allow men to be so useless.
"Oh poor grown man that is capable of flying an aeroplane/doing brain surgery/driving a car to his job and as human rights lawyer...can't possibly be expected to know how to change and feed a ever so complicated baby...."

On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d say your judgement lands at about a solid 4 on:

1. choosing an appropriate partner (more than once)
2. going on vacay at the appropriate times
3. relying on others for things you should be doing
4. overall life decisions affecting your children

You're behind with the updates .

I'm saying that maybe what is putting him off not that it's a valid reason....imo neither parent should want to leave their 3 month old for a week, no matter who it's with including the other parent.

My next door neighbour is like this. She's a seriously selfish individual. She has three children to a previous partner and her youngest to her current partner. Often having friends over making a noise until 2 or 3am not giving a f*ck about the noise they make...kids are kept up throughout the night so that they can have a long lie in peace next day. Kids are 13, 11, 9 and 4. Others get left to raise them all, she never takes the youngest out when her DP is out working. She's left to sleep til midday often whilst older DC are at their Dad's. They often have someone in their family watching the youngest Saturday into Sunday so they get a precious long lie...

I wouln't be leaving a three month old at all without a serious reason.

But I am also not that surprised that a soon to be first time dad who has little experience of babies might not find it obvious that sending a three month old to a grandparent for a week is not really in line with their developmental needs. Especially if the mum doesn't think anything of going away herself.

I travel a lot - for work and for fun - with and without my children.

Leaving a 3 month old for a week isn't good parenting.

I'm not sure if you are still reading the replies op or have jumped ship but surely from all these replies you can see that it's normal to leave such a young baby for something which is not absolutely essential.

How can a trip be more important than caring for such a young child? They grow up so quickly, you have years to travel without your children.

It takes a village does not mean leaving 3 months old baby and going to holidays.

4 is too high.

To be fair I was more shocked you had booked a holiday alone after having a baby and 4 kids at home.

If he doesn't learn by then, yes he bloody well is a waste of oxygen.