OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

[mummymanic]

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

How could a mother of 3 kids and a 3 month old even enjoy a whole week away from them?! I’d be worried leaving a baby that young for even 2 nights- you clearly have a very devoted mother to pick up all your children for you!! I just assume you’re young with young kids and have a young or at least very physically fit mother who either doesn’t work or is happy having time off to support you. She must have your kids a lot for you all to be so comfortable with this arrangement and so confident that all the kids will be a-ok.
Either way you are incredibly fortunate to be in this position and you would do well to recognise this rather than criticising people who don’t get much beyond a bath to themselves. It’s not the people you sought advice from who need to check themselves, it’s you I’m afraid - you don’t know you (nor your 4 kids apparently lol) are born.

your baby is three months old - parenthood is not jail but it’s responsibility.

good lord woman.

neither of you should leave a three month old baby at home and wander off.

It's a week and she will have a tiny baby at the time.
Still, @mummymanic can't complain if that dad wants his 'me time' as well can she. I guess a bubble bath won't be enough for him either.

Then don't go. Honestly, I couldn't enjoy a holiday if I had left a three month old behind.

I'm normally very relaxed about parenting, but this isn't an evening or a day's babysitting, it's a full week, when the baby will be 3 months old, or, potentially, even younger. I wouldn't have contemplated anything like that till my babies were at least 9 months old.

I honestly don’t understand why some people bother having children.

Clearly the other children’s’ dads aren’t in the picture and their mother is too busy living her unshackled life.

and here she is having more.

contraception is a thing…

If I had to leave my 3 month old baby, I'd rather leave him/her with an experienced mother than a gormless husband who doesn't want to do it. I wouldn't have a minutes peace, though I wouldn't be leaving the baby just for a holiday at all.

"What is unreasonable about leaving the older kids with their grandmother for a few days?"

The OP's partner is having all of them now. His baby and 3 older kids who are the OP's.

That sounds nothing like OP.
What on earth are you talking about?

But he's not the babysitter, is he?

He would be parenting his own baby.

It seems difficult for some posters to understand that dad's are parents, not babysitters !!!!!!

That's so funny.
A dad looking after his own baby for a week!!
Whatever next??
🤣

I’m not sure it’s the Dad looking after the baby that people are thinking WTAF? I think it’s a mother voluntarily leaving a 3 month old baby that is hard wired to need its mother and get distressed without her. And yes I would also judge a dad going off on holiday and leaving his 3 month old for a week

Definitely does sound just like her. Selfish and self centred with three children to a previous partner and one to her current one. Making sure she orchestrates everything to suit her own agenda. Definitely loads of similarities!

I also think that about women like this, moving on having more DC to other men and not giving a toss about how it impacts their current DC!

Agree. Sounds just like the OP to be honest.

Well exactly the kids need time and support here not dumping with relatives:step dad

Interesting thread. I don't see the issue with a mother going on a pre existing holiday when the baby is 3 months old and has a perfectly capable second parent to look after it.

Lots of threads about dads going on stag dos after baby comes and the majority of posters say it's fine you should be able to cope with the kids alone for a few days etc so I don't see how this is different.

Personally I wouldn't have left my 3 month old baby, no, but if OP wants too then that is her choice.

I voluntarily left my eldest with DH for a week when he was around 3 months. Pleased to report that he absolutely wasn’t distressed, behaved completely normally and happily while I was away, and some years later we are still very close, no bonds broken by me ‘abandoning’ him with his father. Then again my DH was an equal parent who did everything 50:50 from day 1 including night feeds so either of us was perfectly capable of parenting solo for a short time if needed.

You're entirely missing the point. Of course a baby can be left with it's father. However the vast majority do not agree with leaving a very young baby who has a strong biological attachment to their mother for a full week. OP's husband is wrong to not want to parent his child as he is an equal parent. OP is also wrong to leave her child when they're so young. It's just not the best decision for the baby. Wait another 3 months and it would be a different situation again.

Clearly you can get a break.

Despite being a single parent of 3 young children, you managed to find the time to meet a man, date him, shag him, move him in and now expecting your 4 th child with him.

It might have been, at least in your children’s best interests if you didn’t get quite so much opportunity for a “break” @mummymanic

The jealousy pours out of your post.

Sex and holidays, OP?

Jealous? 🤭 I have teens, currently both out and I’m strolling back from the gym!

and leaving him with your three young children from a previous relationship? Ok.

Chances are you’ll have split by March anyway so get a back up op in place!

Well that doesn't compare with holidays and sex lol

Hope the poor kids are coping without you.