Page 13 | OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

mummymanic · 2025-08-06T13:15:48+00:00

Hi all, im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed. this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents. trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

rainingsnoring · 06/08/2025 23:24

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 15:03

In the time it’s taken me to read all of these responses, me and OH have actually come to an agreement which works well for us both. And probably shock to you all, he has requested the time off work to have all 4 children home. Whether or not I decide to bring baby with me, will be arranged at a later date.

I appreciate all of your opinions honestly but it is very clear that you all live a very different life to me. We both travel with and without the children and I will continue to do so. I am travelling abroad with members of my family in June and will be travelling again in July with us all. Just as he has holidays planned a year+ in advance without us. Being a parent to 1 or 10 does not mean missing out on things that you enjoy doing.

I hope one day you can all get as much freedom as I can and enjoy your “me time” outside of a bubble bath.

I think my hormones must be raging for me to post in this thread and I’ve learned my lesson to never do it again after this. I’ll stick to the friendly ones ✌🏾

Not sure why you chose to have 4 children when 'me time' is such a priority for you. Most parents put their children's needs over their own wishes for a few years at least.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 06/08/2025 23:29

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 15:09

that’s really unfortunate that you can’t get a break after 12 years. can’t relate.

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@mummymanic perhaps this is why you are in another relationship?? too selfish

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 06/08/2025 23:32

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 06/08/2025 20:26

Why should she?

This thread is batshit. Of course OP is allowed to go on holiday and should be able to rely on the baby’s other parent to take care of it.

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It’s the age of the baby that’s the crux of the issue (op even said herself that a newborn should be with its parents).
I think most people would agree that with a much older baby or child then leaving it with the other parent is acceptable.

Hallywally · 06/08/2025 23:37

How old are your other kids? Has he ever actually looked after a baby before? No problem leaving the baby with its dad for a week but I’d be concerned about him juggling the needs of all four children if he hasn’t much experience of single handedly looking after multiple young kids before. I wouldn’t say this if they were all his own children but they’re not. Depends how long he’s been in their life/how much active hands on parenting he’s done with them.

RoseAlone · 07/08/2025 00:22

What on earth would posess you to leave your children to.go on a jolly never mind leave a tiny baby?! The poor kids don't stand a chance, you need to give yourself a shake, grow up and be a proper mother!

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 07/08/2025 00:26

IToldMyCatAboutYou · 06/08/2025 23:18

You seem incredibly selfish. I don't think you realise how privileged you are. There's many people who wouldn't have the option to swan off without a care, although the majority would never ever consider it. As PP have said if it was a man posting this the responses would be wildly different.

Not to mention the many infertile women who would give anything to be in your position, when your priority seems to be your own leisure. Quite frankly I think my first thought would be about my child in this situation, at 12 weeks old my own social life/self care would certainly come second to that. They're only little for so long and I could never forgive myself for this. You have your whole life for travelling.

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She shouldn’t have a holiday because some women can’t have kids?

RoseAlone · 07/08/2025 00:26

You seem to be deliberately missing the point.

YOU are being completely over the top unreasonable in leaving your baby and your other children. That comes miles before any rights or wrongs with your new baby's dad. It's a you problem, he's doing nothing wrong.

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 07/08/2025 00:28

rainingsnoring · 06/08/2025 23:24

Not sure why you chose to have 4 children when 'me time' is such a priority for you. Most parents put their children's needs over their own wishes for a few years at least.

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She’s going on holiday for a few days and leaving them in the care of a parent and grandparent. She’s not abandoning them every night for drug fuelled orgies.

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 07/08/2025 00:28

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 06/08/2025 23:32

It’s the age of the baby that’s the crux of the issue (op even said herself that a newborn should be with its parents).
I think most people would agree that with a much older baby or child then leaving it with the other parent is acceptable.

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It will be with a parent.

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 07/08/2025 00:29

RoseAlone · 07/08/2025 00:22

What on earth would posess you to leave your children to.go on a jolly never mind leave a tiny baby?! The poor kids don't stand a chance, you need to give yourself a shake, grow up and be a proper mother!

It’s a week’s holiday. You are being extremely dramatic.

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 07/08/2025 00:30

RoseAlone · 07/08/2025 00:26

You seem to be deliberately missing the point.

YOU are being completely over the top unreasonable in leaving your baby and your other children. That comes miles before any rights or wrongs with your new baby's dad. It's a you problem, he's doing nothing wrong.

Why is it a her problem? Why can’t he look after his own baby?

What is unreasonable about leaving the older kids with their grandmother for a few days?

RoseAlone · 07/08/2025 00:31

It's called being a loving and responsible parent, I've never wanted or needed freedom or "me time" since my lot were born, I treasure every second with them. It's obvious that you are neither loving or responsible. Pity help these little ones as they grow up.

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 07/08/2025 00:34

RoseAlone · 07/08/2025 00:31

It's called being a loving and responsible parent, I've never wanted or needed freedom or "me time" since my lot were born, I treasure every second with them. It's obvious that you are neither loving or responsible. Pity help these little ones as they grow up.

How is it unloving or irresponsible to go on holiday for a week whilst ensuring your kids are safe with their father and grandmother?

Lotsofsnacks · 07/08/2025 00:37

Course mums can take a break and have me time, but your new baby will be only 12 weeks old, that is soon after birth to be going on holiday without them.

LeopardPants · 07/08/2025 04:13

RoseAlone · 07/08/2025 00:31

It's called being a loving and responsible parent, I've never wanted or needed freedom or "me time" since my lot were born, I treasure every second with them. It's obvious that you are neither loving or responsible. Pity help these little ones as they grow up.

Congratulations - you win the competition for being the biggest martyr.

Pretty much every parent I know values having “me time”. It’s quite normal. It doesn’t mean you’re not loving or responsible! You have no idea what is going on with OP’s family.

babyproblems · 07/08/2025 04:21

I think going away for a week when you have a 3mo is …complex to say the least. I think him having four kids and the 3mo is also a lot for a week. For anyone tbh!!

Elephantonabroom · 07/08/2025 04:22

mummymanic · 06/08/2025 14:41

My issue is not that he won’t look after the 3 older children, it is the baby. Which is his. It was me who gave the option of them going to my Mum’s as that is the norm and she is happy to do it.

The problem I am having is that he won’t take care of his own child and thinks that it is okay to give them to his/my Mum also at only a few months old. His excuse was work, even though I am asking almost a year in advance.

take the baby and leave him alone?

seriously, did you not discuss these things before booking? You surely must know if you booked for the older DC or not? are you living with this man child? was the baby planned. This relationship is going nowhere. And why your mum? where is the dad of the older three?

I definitely would not leave a 3 months old for a few hours, let alone for a week. I am less shocked by him suggesting it and more by you seemingly to consider it and to ask MN if this this normal. It's your 4th DC, you really should have figured it out that it's batshit and told him so.

Juststop2025 · 07/08/2025 04:23

As the OP said, parenting is not jail, so her husband can refuse to look after his own child, just as she is :)

babyproblems · 07/08/2025 04:25

I read the op as that the pregnancy is the first child with this partner so I don’t think the partner is baby’s dad? In response to the pp saying baby will be with a parent? I still think at 3mo it’s very much mum in the picture.
I suppose 3mo is for some really still newborn and not for others. I personally couldn’t leave baby that long at only 3mo, but beyond 7/8mo I did leave ds for a few days over weekend at my parents if we had commitments.x

Juststop2025 · 07/08/2025 04:27

babyproblems · 07/08/2025 04:25

I read the op as that the pregnancy is the first child with this partner so I don’t think the partner is baby’s dad? In response to the pp saying baby will be with a parent? I still think at 3mo it’s very much mum in the picture.
I suppose 3mo is for some really still newborn and not for others. I personally couldn’t leave baby that long at only 3mo, but beyond 7/8mo I did leave ds for a few days over weekend at my parents if we had commitments.x

yeah, it's EXTREMELY unusual for any mother to choose to leave her baby unless she really really has to at just 3 months old. But don't tell OP that she'll just argue with that parenting is not a jail 😅

pourmeadrinkpls · 07/08/2025 04:31

Three months is so young, that's still in the fourth trimester. The baby should be with you, that would be neglectful leaving it for a week to go on holiday.

pourmeadrinkpls · 07/08/2025 04:32

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 07/08/2025 00:34

How is it unloving or irresponsible to go on holiday for a week whilst ensuring your kids are safe with their father and grandmother?

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Erm the baby is 3 months old 😳

Juststop2025 · 07/08/2025 04:35

pourmeadrinkpls · 07/08/2025 04:32

Erm the baby is 3 months old 😳

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Shhhh, parenting is not a jail! 😅😂 Just to be clear I completely agree with you. OP is incredibly self centred. Poor wee baby.

pourmeadrinkpls · 07/08/2025 04:42

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 06/08/2025 23:06

It will be with one of its primary caregivers.

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It should be with its mother, its a 3 month baby, perhaps learn a bit about nature, science, attachment theory etc. A week away from its mother is actually a big deal to a baby so young. A week when its only twelve weeks old. People treat their dogs better than this fffs.

pourmeadrinkpls · 07/08/2025 04:43

Juststop2025 · 07/08/2025 04:35

Shhhh, parenting is not a jail! 😅😂 Just to be clear I completely agree with you. OP is incredibly self centred. Poor wee baby.

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Ha ha, unfortunately it kinda is (even if the prison guard is cute) when they're young anyway. I can't believe how shit some people are 😪