OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

[mummymanic]

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

They suffer.

Seems like you and your DH aren't putting the children first. OF, parents need time away, but little ones need their parents. And a newborn needs its mother. This week away is just utterly selfish and cruel.

We're talking about the 12 year old...

Wow some of these responses are really batshit. Of course the actual father can look after his 3 month old baby for one week without it causing devastating damage to the child. No one would bat an eye if it was the father taking a trip. In many other countries maternity leave would be over by 3 - 4 months, and in certain professions mothers will be travelling for work - I know many mums who have left their babies for a short period of time (ie a week) at that age, it’s really not as shocking or unusual as people here seem to think.

You do realise that a 3 month old baby doesn’t know the difference? Sure the mum will come back but for a week the baby will have no idea what the F happened.

This has got to be a joke- surely in this day and age when so much is known about how babies develop no two parents could be so spectacularly selfish (the mum disappearing for a week of me time, the dad immediately wanting to foist the baby on its grandparents).

Plus this hen party me time is nearly a year away- surely plenty of time to make different arrangements or just grow up.

To be perfectly honest, I think you are being irresponsible here.
I cant ever imagine leaving my 3mth old baby voluntarily for a weeks holiday ffs. It would be bad enough if it was some sort of work commitment that meant you'd lose your career/earning potential forever more of you didn't attend.
Guess what? 4 children = very little 'me' time for many years......

He isn't though

Nope, not jealous in the slightest. I feel genuinely sorry for the OP that she doesn’t experience that all-consuming love that most of us feel for our tiny babies, which makes it unthinkable to choose to be separated from them for an extended period.

(This sort of close, healthy attachment lasts by the way… and means that strong relationships last into adulthood.)

Wait- a 3 month old that’s not his and you’re already pregnant? What’s the timeline here 🤔

This with bells on.

He wants to send his children to his mother's for a week.
You are the type of mum who would leave a 3 month old baby for a week

If you are ok with a 3 month old being without mum for a week, I think you should be ok with older children going to grandparents. A mum being away from a 3 month old overnight by choice is mind boggling to me...

Wtf am I reading? I’m no stranger to leaving kids at home with their dad - I work overseas and I love a good holiday with friends. But even I didn’t leave my kids behind (not even to go back to work) until it was no longer avoidable. First baby was 11 months old when I left them, 2nd one was 15 months old. For work. Even now, when one of them is an adult themselves, I get The Guilt if I plan too much of my own fun and leave them behind.

But anyway. Congratulations to the OP - she seems to have found herself a good man, if he’s happy for her to leave her not only with his baby she has not even had yet, but the other 3 kids that aren’t his. He sounds like a keeper, even if it does also sound like you don’t really deserve him.

No, she's pregnant, due in March.
And 3 months after baby is born, she's going on a holiday.

Mums don’t work 24 hours a day as opposed to going away for a week

Ohhhh my bad.. thanks!

OP I wouldn’t go for that long at that age. 1-2 nights max. And of course dad should take the baby, not the 3 other kids though.

Most of us want 'me time' but it's usually a few hours or a day. When children are older you can go away for a weekend or few days but you don't leave a three month old just to go abroad on holiday. There's plenty of time for that later on. Do you not go to work?

I’ve left my babies for a night or two at that age and got loads of comments about being heartless etc. I am all for me time. I’ve done a week once they’re older (2+). I still think a week at 3 months old is bonkers.

I'm glad you found a solution. Absolutely nobody would have batted an eye at the prospect of you watching all four children, even if three of them were stepchildren.

As if anyone goes on a week-long 'me time' holiday when they have a 3-month-old baby! Did you do this with all your kids OP? This is beyond ridiculous and verging on negligence.

There is a similar thread where a man wants to make the family holiday a golfing holiday with friends and there are 3 young dc, one will be a 2m old baby, and he rightly gets strips torn off him by the commenters. So yes many many people would far more than bat an eye, they would say it makes him a very selfish jerk.

It’s negligent to leave a baby with their father?

No need for snarky remarks. A three month old is still in the fourth trimester and needs to be with its primary caregivers. But, as you say, everyone is different and has different priorities.

It will be with one of its primary caregivers.

You seem incredibly selfish. I don't think you realise how privileged you are. There's many people who wouldn't have the option to swan off without a care, although the majority would never ever consider it. As PP have said if it was a man posting this the responses would be wildly different.

Not to mention the many infertile women who would give anything to be in your position, when your priority seems to be your own leisure. Quite frankly I think my first thought would be about my child in this situation, at 12 weeks old my own social life/self care would certainly come second to that. They're only little for so long and I could never forgive myself for this. You have your whole life for travelling.

@mummymanic It just couldnt sink in!!! you have booked a holiday for when your new baby would be only 3 months old??? is that right???? wtf! you have only just found out you are pregnant!! cancel the holiday!