OH wants to give 3 months old to his mothers for a week

[mummymanic]

Hi all,

im due to have DC4 in March and I’ve got a holiday booked for end of June. I’ve asked OH if he would be okay with all 4 kids and he said “send them to your mums” in questioned him and said “even the baby?” to which he agreed.

this will be our 1st child together. AIBU to think that this is what it’ll be like moving forward and that he won’t want to take care of the child/ren when I want some “me time” and he’ll fob them off to either of our parents? He thinks it’s normal because his nephew spends majority of the week at his mum’s and I keep explaining to him that it’s really not the norm and a newborn should be at home with parents.

trying not to stress about it but it’s really upset me. considering bringing the baby with me abroad but dunno how I’ll manage (also not told anybody im travelling with yet).

You could just….not go…

You are being unreasonable to have another baby if you’re already planning to leave it and go off home a weeks ‘me time’ when it’s only 3 months old! I wouldn’t leave a 3 month old for a night let alone a week.

How can you know in advance that you’d be okay leaving the baby for a week?

I would have loved a weeks holiday when one of my DC was 3 months old. However I had postnatal depression with that specific DC. I didn’t anticipate feeling like that, and haven’t with other DC.

Have a 4-month old currently and I genuinely would hate being on holiday without them. It’s not about a lack of freedom; it’s about actually preferring to be with my DC.

When baby is here you may find the holiday will actually be more enjoyable if you bring them. Or you may not. But it’s too early to say surely.

A week is an eternity for a tiny baby. Abandoning them to the care of anyone else is basically cruel. If you can’t see that then you have a very different understanding of motherhood to me and the majority of people on here.

YABVVU

I have never heard of a Mother choosing to leave her children and newborn for a holiday on her own! You are being totally unreasonable and selfish. Why have children if you want to just leave them. ‘ Me Time’ is a few hours to do something you enjoy while the children have someone to care for them. I don’t think the definition of ‘Me Time’ is fucking off on your own and expecting everyone else to pick up the pieces.

So do I , but I can be away from then for a week.

Is he the boss. Just say no he needs to watch the baby as your mum will have her hands full with the other 3?

it’s not difficult.

I would cancel/postpone!

But why is it ok for you not look after the 3 month old and not him?

It sounds like that will be the way going forward. It's fortunate that his mum is actually an option for a weeks childcare. Many parents wouldn't have that available. If he can't be arsed the baby is probably better off with his mum rather than him anyway.

Can I ask why you can’t pull out of this ONE holiday when you will have a 12 week old baby at home?

I have 4 DC also and I understand the importance of still doing fun things. Just trying to understand what is so important about this trip to leave your 3 month old?

OP if you travel so much could you not just cancel this time . I can't believe you would want to leave your three month old baby whoever would be caring for it . Your baby needs you at that age and a week is a long time

It's not all about you and your wants OP. It's about a tiny baby and their NEED to not be apart from their mother for a week.

On this occasion I’d prioritise your baby over a holiday.

Yes, he's awful for not wanting to look after his newborn but so are you. I'm all for having time for yourself but at 3 months your baby needs you to physically be with them.

They will only have been outside of your body for a few weeks, you're still your baby's world at that point. They need your smell and your voice, not to be palmed off so you can have 'me time'.

I can’t get past you wanting to leave your 3 month old baby for a week. Your poor baby! It’ll only just be finishing the fourth trimester 😢

I don't get this thread, surely there's a middle ground between mummy martyr and going off for a week holiday leaving 4 kids at home - one of which is a tiny newborn.

I couldn't contemplate leaving my children at home for a week and they're 7 and 4yrs.

Why should she?

This thread is batshit. Of course OP is allowed to go on holiday and should be able to rely on the baby’s other parent to take care of it.

I cancelled my holiday when I found out I was pregnant- baby would have been 4 months at time of travel.
No way, not a holiday

Wtf? Why is she unreasonable to leave a baby with its dad?

"My issue is not that he won’t look after the 3 older children, it is the baby. Which is his."

Yet you are the one chosing to take a holiday without your 3 month old. I can't relate having breastfed all my children, the longest I've left my oldest 2 (aged 9 and 7) is 3 days, this was when I was in hospital having the 3rd child a few years ago. I couldn't imagine chosing to leave such a small baby, this says way more about you than your child's father. I'd simply take the baby with me or just cancel the trip if it isn't baby friendly.

I think it's really sad you're planning to leave your three month old for a week and leave DH with four kids - the baby obviously isn't going to get the care and attention they need in those circumstances, are they? Take the baby with you. Also you say you can't move the trip because you aren't the organiser- surely you could discuss with them? Or just drop out and go on another trip another time?

I left my children with their dad for the week when the eldest (his stepchild) was 8 and the youngest was nearly 1. He booked a week off work and had they all had a great time.

So I don't think there's a problem with it inherently but I wouldn't even have considered it at 3 months.

Honestly OP, hats off. You have been extremely patient in the face of being told that you’re a scrounged who has kids for benefits, is taking advantage of their unwilling elderly mother, and that you’re a bad mother for going for more than a quick coffee alone until your kids are teens.

Honestly one of the most completely batshit threads I have ever, ever read, and that bar is high.

I think you have lots of very jealous posters posting their replies.

The failure to believe that a father is a parent and can be expected to look after a baby is astounding.

Genuinely insane stuff here.

Why?