AIBU - no card?

[Inpaineveryday]

Had my wedding last weekend - several friends didn’t even write us a nice card. I’m gutted and suddenly feel very unaware/naive about those friendships. 4 of these people I would have classed as close friends. Am I reading in to this? I wouldn’t dream of turning up to a wedding without at least giving a card congratulating the couple? Isn’t that basic etiquette, let alone what you would do as the minimum for a friend? One of these friends I’m particularly gutted about as I’ve really been there when times were hard for her. Even bought her Christmas food shop and presents for her child when she had not a single penny. A decade of friendship and not even a card? I don’t even know what to think, or am I just being sensitive?

Are gifts only required at weddings if it says so on the invite? I'd never consider not taking a gift to a wedding unless it was very strongly worded not to!

Has the culture of giving gifts at weddings also changed though? Isn't the card primarily to show who the gift is from. I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding without a gift.

When I wrote that comment I was under the impression that the couple had explicitly said “no gifts”.

@saphiregemstonehello! We didn’t actually write anything saying no gifts in our invites or say this actually at any point. This was because truthfully we didn’t need anything and I find the poems asking for cash donation to honeymoon a bit cringe, even though I know 90% of couples these days usually already have household things they like/need. We had also factored in the cost of our honeymoon into our saving plan anyway. One person asked if we had a registry and I simply said we didn’t.

I can’t lie, while I don’t really care about cards, my (presumably close) friends showing up empty handed without so much as a little homemade present would make me feel weird.

I didn't think anyone did cards anymore. It would never have crossed my mind

@Bingbopboomboomboombopbaamno at no point did we actually explicitly say or write ‘no gifts’. That’s why I’m confused by at least no card. We just chose not to mention anything related to gifts at all as we don’t assume that everyone is able to! Like I said before, we live together so don’t actually need anything so we couldn’t even really suggest ideas even if we had wanted to.

Came here to say exactly this! ⬆️

So for 25 weddings you've never given a gift?? Or if you have given a gift how would they know who it's from without a card. All these people turning up empty handed to weddings is like a parallel universe to me!

@Bingbopboomboomboombopbaam yea this is the weirdness I'm feeling. Had people less close to us (think, friend of PILs kind of relationship) be quite sentimental and thoughtful but then closest friends not really acknowledge the day other than attend.

Did you have a hen do, did they attend that?

But would it cross your mind to take a gift to wedding? Or do you just turn up with nothing?

YABU.
I recently got married, cards are still on the mantle. 70 ppl, mostly couples, we have 15 cards. Love and appreciate the cards we have, absolutely no judgement against the ppl who didn't give us a card. Them being there, sharing our special day with us was all that we wanted and needed. Anything else was a bonus.

@CoralOP not these days, I would bring a card and gift but I did forget for a lot of my friend’s weddings in my 20’s. I was skint and scatty!
My closest friend has never got me a birthday card or gift for my wedding etc, he doesn’t bother with all this crap and sometimes I wish women wouldn’t. It’s generally always women sorting the endless rounds of gifts, cards etc for every event.
It’s interesting it’s those closest to OP who didn’t do the card thing - I think it’s more something you do send to a more distant person; with close friends, great if they are present/card buyers but who cares if not? There are more important things.
But I guess my view is not that common!

I thought etiquette for wedding gifts was to send within a month of the wedding date. I know I received some cards and money in the post after the wedding, and I have sometimes sent things after too. Some people don't want to leave cash in cards at weddings incase they are stolen. Particularly with online shopping these days, they may want to deliver direct. So I'd hold on a bit, but if nothing comes it is rude, imo.

I don’t bring cards to a wedding unless I’m bringing the present then. But normally I send them a gift and a card with it, or if off a registry whatever the shop includes to indicate who it’s from. The last wedding I went to I bought ‘experiences’ on the website they set up for their honeymoon, no separate card.

I’m off to a wedding on Saturday and have just written a card. My 30 year old DD is in peak wedding years with her friends and has never sent a card. I have cut down hugely on cards and send very few cards compared to a decade ago.

I'm confused. So these people all attended the wedding and gave nothing at all.....This card debate aside surely no one thinks it is OK to go to a full day wedding and give no gift. That is so miserable?!

If im attending a wedding ill buy a present. So I wouldnt send a card. The only time I send a card for a wedding is if im not going

What a bunch of tight arses!

Does she give a gift though? I’d hope so, bloody rude otherwise

I didn’t take a card to a couple of friends weddings because at the time I had no idea that was a thing you do. Call me naive but I didn’t know until I got to one wedding that wedding favours were a thing that existed, nor did I know what they were called. I was (and still am to a degree) pretty clueless about weddings.

I’ve been to weddings without a gift. Other people’s weddings are so expensive that there were times when I was younger that just being there ate any spare cash I had.

That sounds fine, youre not turning up empty handed. That’s the height of rudeness. I don’t believe posters here saying it would never occur to them to give a card/gift at a wedding. Were they brought up with no socials skills whatsoever? I didn’t attend a wedding until I was late 20s but wasn’t that thick. The last wedding I attended was 5 years ago and cards were very much a thing. Im 40 so not exactly elderly aunt age like other posters are proposing.

WomblingMerrily if you give a gift but no card how do they know the gift is from you ? Do you stick a note on the gift then to say ?

OP I can see why you would be sad to not receive the cards, it does seem rude but the cards we received are just in a box in the loft so it gets it saves you just doing that for years 🤣