Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

Can I ask if you are still living together, married or common law partners as your post does not make this clear?

If separated you would receive child maintenance at 12% of his £90k salary

But I think you are together and he gives you £650 a month for you to entertain your child. My God, how selfish are you - maybe you need to do what mothers did in the 1950's & 1960's, use their own surroundings to entertain their child, and it was free !!

It is all relative.. See post below and have a check up from the neck up!

£350 till end of the month. family of 4 + dog
287 replies

AnxietyLevelMax · Today 16:59
How do we survive? Needs to include formula for the baby. Other ds is almost 5 yrs old. Fuel to be included. We are sorted for this week and have few lunches in the freezer for the next week, but otherwise have to manage within the budget and just dont know how! Each grocery shopping is about £200 for a week with careful planning, we just cant afford it

You give your child 5 ice creams (or equivalent) a week? Are you trying to poison them???

How about you bring along a healthy snack and you’ll save £3 / day right there. And they’ll be better off for it!

tell us more about that death by ice cream you are talking about...

All Inclusive hotels with kids raiding the icecream fridges all afternoon are a death trap?

I think you are very spoiled and ungrateful.

Im confused.
You live with your spouse/partner and look after your child.
Nursery for 3 days a week would be more than £150.

So options are

1. You could budget much better than you are doing.. Make your own butties and drinks etc.

1. You could top up with your own money.

1. Your spouse/partner is earning well and therefore you can afford to live a better lifestyle than maybe a lot of people on MN.

Enjoy and stop worrying.
What's his is yours remember!!
Xx

Yeah the stuff is expensive but you need to find cheaper ways of doing stuff. Those expensive soft plays are more for days out than every day.
Our local leisure centre has soft play and swimming. Monthly member ship to cover as many trips as you want is quite cheap.
Parks, we went to all the parks. I know every inch of them in a 5 mile radious.
Local library story time for free and other activities.
Playgroups at the local church.
Woodland walks.
Free days out and activities, google them in your area.
Our local country park has a weekly toddler and parent nature walk.
And yeah, take your coffee in a flask.
Because 50 quid a week is 2600 a year and you could put that towards something more meaningful than lining the pockets of expensive soft play and coffee peddlars.
Your child will not even remember these years, they will have no recollection of it so its not worth the additional money. Do free stuff.

How extravagant you are. What a waste of money - cups of coffee at £4.50 a time. I can think of so many better things to spend that sort of money on

£150 a week should be enough with top ups when needed. Budget better

well, refilling a reusable water bottle is generally free

If looking after your one child is that miserable then please don’t ever consider having more children!!

Buy some lollies and give them to him whe he gets home.

do half days out not full days. I do think you should be agents get coffee. But take one with you for the morning and buy one in the arvie.

whne you have kid you make pack lunches unless ok 250k+ otherwise it eats into the disposable and they start expecting food and treats every time you go out. It’s not sustainable or fiscally smart.

Start doing basic baking and activity books with DS.

aponting and making play dough. Making your own stickers. Park walk to identify leaves. Making us pies. Etc.

you don’t need to go out everyday. The library is your friend and the leisure centre with soft play.

tbh I thought it was pretty normal to get ice cream if it’s hot and if it’s hot 3 days a week then that’s that.

Is it? I used to enjoy having an ice cream out/from an ice cream van with DS when he was small, but as a treat. Mini milks or other ice creams/lollies from the freezer most of the time! You're frittering away a lot on food and drink out, £150 is plenty for activities and some food and drink out and some packed lunches and flasks of coffee; balance.

Not having a hot drink all day? Take a flask. Make your own sandwiches. You don’t need to buy bottled water - tap water (or dilute juice) with ice from your freezer would be refreshing and considerably cheaper. Pack a picnic for an afternoon in the park and take some toys eg a ball, ten pin bowls, etc. You don’t have to spend money on pre prepared convenience stuff all the time. I’m not suggesting you don’t spend money on pre prepared things ever, but I do think you can make cost effective alternatives, too, and your little one won’t be any the wiser.
Are there nearby places (parks, leisure centre for eg) that don’t require you forking out for expensive car parking every time?

Not good health wise to have ice cream every day.

Is it more that you can’t be bothered, because, yes, actually preparing food yourself is way cheaper than relying on ready made stuff from supermarkets? Some of the things can be prepared the night before when your little one is in bed, so it needn’t be “a hassle”. Still, it’s your money - spend it as you wish, It’s your time, so if pre preparing is too much hassle as a SAHM, so be it.

Common law partners ? Surely everyone is aware that’s not a thing

As everyone else has said, £150 a week is plenty for you and a toddler. On a typical day with my toddler I would probably spend £5-10.

However, if you taking a career break is a joint decision and has saved you ~£1500 in nursery fees then I think he should be giving you money for your own discretionary spending, without this having to come out of savings. Then again, me and my husband just pool our money so i can't fully put myself in your situation.

Are you being serious. £150 a week. I wish I had that in a month.

Its not normal to eat out so much Op. Take a sandwich and a packet of crisps and some veggies and humus like the rest of us!! Or pop home for lunch. No way id spend £150 a week

Take water with you! Take lunch with you, take kids snacks with you
Our cheap day out is a day at the zoo, our zoo ticket is already paid for as we have yearly membership where we can go as often as we like (£74 per year 1 adult and 1 child) so i oay our bus fare to get there, take food and drinks for us both. Spend 1.50 to feed the lorikeets
And we have a great day! No need to be spending £600 quid a month on doing stuff thats ridiculous!!!!

Sorry that was obviously meant for the OP

If they want! Or watch tv, play with all the toys they’ve already got, and chill.

You are spending a lot IMO this is a sufficiently generous amount/waste of money.

Yes picnics would be cheaper especially if it would come out of your food shop?

A lolly from a supermarket and go to the park.

Lunch at home.

You don’t need to be buying toys from the supermarket.