Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

I don’t understand most of the responses to this post. Her partner, the father of their child, earns £8,000+ per month. He gives her £600 per month for going out with, and for buying treats for their child. It doesn’t matter what you all have to live on/have available for taking out your children, she’s asking if he’s being mean with this allowance. This is a question she should ask him, not us but…it’s their situation she’s presenting, not yours. Suggesting she makes packed lunches or advice re: how to spend less than £20+ per day misses the point. Within his means…is he being mean? Perhaps he believes this is ample? She should make a case that she needs more, if this is her opinion, and see his response. He’s the keeper of the purse, clearly.

£150 a week is more than enough - I think I’d struggle to spend that on a toddler tbh! They really don’t need a lot.

Unless it's pouring with rain for days on end, surely soft play (at £13!) is in no way necessary and rather spoils the point of summer time..? Also, bought coffee/tea is the fastest way to spend good money on bad flavours. But that's just my opinion.

He won't get 8k per month after tax. None of us know their mortgage/bills costs either.

In the defense of OP - I’m sure £650/mth is a lot less than full time nursery fees - just saying.

But OP was presumably earning more than the nursery fees and now isn't.

Yes but she’s not earning-just saying.

Joint decision made between both parents ?

House hold income is lower..

You have worded this way better than I could have. People have clouded judgement because most people on here (apparently) don’t have that kind of disposable income.

If it were very basically simplified and the husband earned £20,000 per year 1/5 of what he does and expected her to entertain their child for £30 per week when she’s providing all the childcare then people may see it differently. That’s too simple as we know because different tax rates come into play and mortgage payments / bills etc but I find it sad that people are just telling her to be grateful.

Like you say it’s an impossible question to answer without knowing how much spare money they have and what he spends on himself etc.

I'm sure there are many of us who could get by on a lot less than £150 per week in the OP's position but if the household has a decent overall standard of living and they both have sufficient savings, why should the OP have to?

Personally I think even if her OH was earning £300k rather than £100k, £150 per week is sufficient for toddler entertainment. Because at some point, unless you're buying your toddler babycinos decorated with gold leaf, there's a limit to what you can spend it on. And also my preference would always be for a couple of lazy days per week doing very little except the local park. I'm not sure how people have the energy to run what I'd call "weekend entertainment" for their DC on weekdays too!

But I don't think the OP needs to be always making packed lunches or flasks of coffee or avoiding soft play at £13 per session in a high earning household with a good standard of living. To do so would be frugal, yes, but frugality is not in itself a virtue or something to be aimed for imo.

While the OP WBU to expect more money to spend imo, I disagree that she's necessarily unreasonable to enjoy spending up to the agreed amount of £150. She just needs to figure out how to do it more sensibly so she gets more pleasure/better value out of the money.

You are trolling I presume

£150 a week is not keeping you short, its more than doable but as to whether its stingy, depends on what your total household disposable income is? If he is giving himself 75% of your disposable income and you get the other 25% for you and the kids, then yes, that is being stingy in relation to your disposable income.

So I don't think you give enough info for us to make an informed decision.

Love this! Someone who uses their brain to make an exciting activity for their child that doesnt cost the earth

Are you the husbsnd?

Are you lonely OP, I certainly am as an older parent who doesn't mix well and I enjoy going in the cafe at various places. It makes me feel normal and usually there's a couple of people who smile at kiddo.

I work 3 long days so it's only weekends and 2 weekdays for us, but I could easily see how we'd spend that sort of money if I was entertaining him all week. We go out as much as possible to give dad respite though he'll often join us for a while if he's feeling well..

We go to a free park, but if the cafe's open DC wants ice cream or beans on toast depending on his fickleness and we are having such a carp time right now with dad being poorly I do try to indulge where I can. As our budget is very limited right now I buy a banana and a tea or we share beans on toast. Sadly I try to go when cafe is shut as it keeps cosy down without tantrums.

We also do free church playgroups and swimming which is reasonable £7 but afterwards he wants soft play and ice cream. I don't t indulge all the time but he's often hungry and I can't give snax indoors, 'only food bought here may be eaten etc' if the weather is good it's a lot cheaper.

Coffee in a flask is fine for the car, but yup I miss getting that cappuccino and cake I would have had pre baby, pre COVID, pre col crisis. There are other threads about the cost of eating out and it's understandable why it's so expensive now, but yeah I still miss it.

Omg this is unreal,. He transfers you a set amount ? Is it not all just family money ? . Ifyou need more, go back to work. And you bored being a sahm.?

I cant believe you have the audicity to come here and complain about him being stingy when he's paying for mortgage bills etc plus a decent allowance. Be grateful.

Ok but with a 5% pension contribution it is more like £5,600 take home, he then pays all the bills, groceries etc. and gives her more than 10% of take home for going out with a toddler. She decided to take the career break before taking up a new position so she would have been contributing towards nursery and bills but is now not and he is fine with this. I don’t think the allowance is the real problem here I think OP had a vision of how it would be and it isn’t. She is not enjoying it and the spending is supposed to help but sadly I don’t think it is.

£600 is loads

And he should be grateful she is taking care of his child whilst he works. They're equal partners, she's not a surrendered wife

To be fair if they can afford £600 a month toddler fun money they don't need free anything

Blimey. That’s a lot of money for one adult and a toddler! Per week!

And I say this coming from a high earning household and I think we’re quite frivolous with “fun money”!!!

Why do you always do things that cost money?

Why not go for a walk to a park, or a forest and build stick huts, collect leaves, take a bottle of water and some sandwiches and have a picnic, bring things home that have texture and practice imprint painting.

Why does everything have to be a car journey away or cost money or even be out of the house?

Give your head a wobble, lovely. You are being very unreasonable.