Am I out of touch or is he being stingy?

[Tupaas]

Recently agreed between us that I would take a career break. I’m happy with this, I actually have a job to go to so it’s a short break… more like 12 months.

During this time I have obviously been with DS rather than him being at nursery.

DP transfers around 150 a week for activities for me and DS, like soft play, lunch out etc any toys we might get while in supermarket and so on.

He covers mortgage and bills at the moment and at weekends I might get a coffee or a lunch but as I’m not earning this comes from my savings.

Whilst it was my idea to take a year off, I’ve obviously done it with his agreement otherwise I couldn’t have done it. He was happy DS wouldn’t be in nursery as much, as was I.

I feel like 150 is a bit stingy and he doesn’t understand that a coffee, for example, is 4.50 at lots of places. Car parking, soft play, it all adds up! I want to suggest he sends over another 50 but I know he will make a comment like get a flask for coffee etc which just makes me feel irritated as it’s hard work being with a toddler all day! For context he’s a high earner, a little over 100k. Am I in the right here?!

You have £600 a month for leisure? Christ you are fortunate.

To grumble on that is madness.

respectfully this should be plenty of money I would love to have this much that’s a new outfit for me and toddler a week plus a few soft play and play group days plus I’d squeeze in dinner out at a cheap place as family a week for that money. Take juice or a drink/pombears for your toddler so they have something to eat at soft play or cafes. A flask of coffee here and there won’t hurt. Check your rewards for free coffees too (Vodafone or octopus). Lots of places are doing kids eat for £1 too

I think you need to be more creative with your activities. There’s plenty of fun free things to do. I normally spend £0 a day when entertaining a toddler for the day. I take bottled water and a packed lunch/do a morning activity and then home for lunch and then go do an afternoon activity. Museums/playgroups/picnics/explore different parks/countryside/beach depending on where you live. Get some different sports equipment and play a different game everyday at the park etc.

You need to budget better if you can't manage on that.

You’re out of touch.

Im a single mum who has to give up working due to mental health, my ex transfers me 600 euro child maintenance for two special needs children, which is apparently to be used for “fun things”
If you cannot make 150£ a week last on the odd soft play and odd coffee and toy, you’re clearly spending it on other things. I could probably feed me and my two children and have a little day out to a free museum and have meal deal picnics in the park or wherever and have change, with your 150£.

Why are you buying bottled water when you go out?

waste of money & bad for the environment .

£150 a week is a huge amount. Maybe change a few little things, bring a bottle of water from home, dont get a lunch out everytime take your own sometimes.
If you want lunch out one day, take it with you another.
I fell into getting coffee every time we went out and it does add up, so now we plan what we'll be doing and I decide which day we might have a more.expensive treat day with lunch out, other days we make a picnic.

£150 a week with top ups if you need them is quite a lot OP. Especially if he’s paying all the bills. What’s wrong with a flask for coffee anyway? £4.50 is really expensive for some coffee beans, milk, water and maybe some sugar. Get a grip FGS.

At that age I didn't spend much and we are not near any free museums or city centres
-spent hours in the play park rain or shine (sometimes the only ones there...) - has the bonus of having no shop/cafe so no temptation to buy anything.
-ride on bus/train (only my off peak ticket/fare
-annual membership of one place so much cheaper than multiple individual visits.
-very cheap/free kids meals eg Morrison's cafe or at age 1 or 2 they would share mine
-library
-think about what you are buying out and about and buy a packet of it at the supermarket (esp things like pom bears or juice cartons).

I think that's a lot of money to spend in a week entertaining one child. Most people couldn't do that with 2 working parents, never mind on salary.

Ours is like that a month! Library is free. Bike ride is free. Playgroups are £2
Soft play we buy a zoo membership and go there plus their free soft play once a week
Take sandwiches/snacks
Go out with friends and buy ice cream at Tesco to share not the cafe?
We aren't broke but the kids have just as much fun doing things on the cheap

Soft play- Park = Free
Lunch and coffee- Bring from home: £5
Parking- Consider walking or see if there’s somewhere free near the park.
Icecream: Have at home: Buy from somewhere like Aldi and £3.50 would easily get you multiple portions.

You can get a similar day for well under a tenner.

You can't take your own water? £150 is a lot of money for most people, you sound entitled.

To be fair the weather has been completely awful the last few weeks which does make it harder to just go for a walk/bike ride to the park.

Sceptic Me is wondering why there’s been so many First Time Posters posting very controversial posts on their very first post - then they disappear 🤔🤔🤔

I have a feeling that they sit back with their popcorn 🍿

But I bet a summer pass or annual membership to your nearest kids attraction (eg soft play/farm/steam train centre) would make life easier and cheaper.

What on earth is wrong with making and taking packed lunches, taking a flask or even a smidge cup containing a hot drink, looking out for the free activities you could do and maybe one nice trip out per week and an ice cream instead of every single day. Kids will build happy memories and cope with you spending far less on them if you give them your loving time and attention.

TBH you really need a reality check as your fun money is far more than some single parents have to pay all their essential weekly bills.

Why on earth are you trying to cram all those treats into ONE day though?

soft play - one morning
lunch out - another day
Ice cream - afternoon treat after the (free) park or similar on a third day

Yabu (and somewhat spoiled) to suggest you can’t cut your cloth down to a ‘mere’ £150 a week

Honestly I think it's fine, OP. You could have a couple of days out a week with the toddler and have plenty left over.

How do you pay for food shopping and things like that though, do you not have access to a joint account?

@tumblingdowntherabbithole hm I know plenty touristy and non touristy alike - guess you can't have visited every single place in the whole country.

That being said £600 is plenty to cover her parking needs so this argument is pointless.

Are you free to buy other items from the household fund, clothes, hair, something you fancy, or is the 600 a monthly limit across the board?

I wasn't arguing just pointing out that she could probably save a fair bit on parking fees if she looked online first.

That's a stupid comment. The price of houses has increased far more than salaries. Just because OP is spoilt and wastes money it doesn't mean everyone else does. I count myself lucky getting onto the housing ladder before prices went mad, you should do the same instead of being so smug.

God that’s how much I have spare for those things per month. I’d be overjoyed with that per week.

When DD was little we had £20 a week for for fun..activities, treats, toys, books for her and me together.... We had many picnics in the park!!!!