Page 20 | Ways middle aged men have told us off this week

Siblingsadness · 2025-08-04T09:06:16+00:00

I've got 2 today and it's not even midday yet I swim every day at 6am . There's normally about 6 of us, today I had the pool all to myself. I swam in one of the lanes as i am working on staying straight during certain strokes. After about 20 minutes a man got in the pool. I've seen him before, he always goes in the unlaned bit and does physio walking up and down. Today he came over to the lane and said I shouldn't be in there as its the fast lane and I wasn't fast. I thought he was joking so I laughed. He then said he wasn't joking and I needed to move. Of course I told him not to be ridiculous, no one else was in here and if someone fast wanted it, I'd move. He called me a silly batch. Then just now in tescos, I was in the pasta aisle and a man picked up a jar of pasta sauce and said "is this any good" I said I wasn't sure sorry, I normally just get the passata and put onion and garlic in it. He sort of mocked me and said "ooh good cook are you" I said yes, I'm OK and I enjoy it too. He then said "well at least I can parallel park you silly cow" Now I know I just encountered 2 nutters (maybe a third is on the way) but I'm a bit cheeky and a cow before lunch today despite just going for a swim and buying cheaper pasta ingredients. 🤣🤣

WalterMittysPuppet · 04/08/2025 22:09

God it's all so depressing isn't it. I'm getting it at work at the moment and this thread has given me even more rage.

samarrange · 04/08/2025 22:23

WitchyWitcherson · 04/08/2025 21:26

Gobsmacked that someone thinks testosterone is a valid excuse for poor regulation of emotions! Plenty of men grow up to be decent and still have high testosterone - the key is recognising signs of anger and finding mechanisms to regulate. Women are socially conditioned to do this, we deal with fluctuating hormones that, unless you're good at tracking your cycle, you sometimes don't understand why you might feel more pissed off and ready to snap. We generally don't unless pushed. Men have a consistent level of hormones which they should be learning to deal with. Testosterone is zero excuse for piss poor conduct.

I'm not sure if this is aimed at my comment — I mentioned testosterone, and I don't know how many PP also did — but my point was that it's a (possible) (partial) explanation for some kinds of behaviour, not an excuse. Just as poverty or mental illness is a (possible) (partial) for many forms of crime, but also not an excuse either. 🙏

CowboyFromHell · 04/08/2025 22:25

Skybluepinky · 04/08/2025 18:46

Swim mum here, nothing worse than Mrs slow hat in the fast lane, no idea why anyone not club level would go in fast lane.

But it’s a bit more complex than that isn’t it. If there’s three lanes - slow, medium, fast - then the slowest third of people should be in the slow lane, middle third in the middle lane, and fastest third in the fast lane.

But the speed of each lane will vary depending on the mix of people there at any particular time. It’s more about appropriately gauging if you’re in eg the middle third, or top third. There’s no objective speed you need to reach to be in the fast lane - it depends on the speed of others.

So sometimes I’m middle lane speed, and sometimes I’m fast lane speed. It’s all about having awareness and consideration for others.

placemats · 04/08/2025 22:43

WitchyWitcherson · 04/08/2025 21:26

Gobsmacked that someone thinks testosterone is a valid excuse for poor regulation of emotions! Plenty of men grow up to be decent and still have high testosterone - the key is recognising signs of anger and finding mechanisms to regulate. Women are socially conditioned to do this, we deal with fluctuating hormones that, unless you're good at tracking your cycle, you sometimes don't understand why you might feel more pissed off and ready to snap. We generally don't unless pushed. Men have a consistent level of hormones which they should be learning to deal with. Testosterone is zero excuse for piss poor conduct.

Especially as it declines as males age as well

MidnightMusing5 · 04/08/2025 22:45

I usually find the men who are like this , usually don’t wear the trousers at home and so take out their frustrations on the rest of us instead (!)

PauliesWalnuts · 04/08/2025 22:54

Puffalicious · 04/08/2025 20:59

My DP is aghast at how often this sort of thing happens. Each time I tell him he's shocked & so angry it's always when I'm alone/ with youngest DC (other 2 are strapping 20 & 18 Yr olds).

Classic angry man in pool as I had the audacity to pass him. Blocked me turning & pushed me as I tried to get past, striking my breast. I complained, gym did nothing. Had a female witness so reported to the police. They visited her for a statement, but it went nowhere as gym wouldn't give his details due to GDRP! The male officer sighed as I told him that a pool should be a safe space for women😡.
Driving to work & a car was switching lanes, driving dangerously slowly. Beeped, overtook & visited petrol station. He followed me in to get petrol. Older male. Tried to intimidate me by coming over & pointing in my face. He got a shock when I said ' You were all over the place. I'm just trying to get to work. You wouldn't say anything to a man. Now fuck off'. He crawled back to his wife who was clearly embarrassed.
Cyclist who decided to follow me to the traffic lights & give a barrage of abuse as I'd apparently driven too near him (gave him a metre), including "Nice car ( vintage soft-top) shame about the bitch driving it'. 'Your husband shouldn't let you drive that when you're such a shit driver'. 'I pity him going home to that' - said to some passing man he seemed to know who laughed along. I tried to explain I'd given him plenty space, but he kept talking at me. I drove on giving him the finger.

DP was livid. I was so angry as he wouldn't even let me speak. He's definitely local but haven't seen him since. DP.isn't the sort to cause any sort of problems, but he's said if I ever see him again to identify where he lives & he'll see him for a polite 'talking to' - don't think it'll be polite.

Ouside a shop with DS which unfortunately had just closed. Was soothing DS as he was disappointed (ASD/ ADHD so needs a few minutes to adjust/ regulate). He appears with his child, child tries the door to find it locked. Man knocks on the window saying to child they'll open it back up for them. I offered that I'd just got there a few minutes before & the staff member apologised but told me they close at 5pm & they were locking the door. I was very friendly. He turned & in the most vile voice replied 'Who asked you? I can ask for myself, fucking interfering bitch'. When my DS got upset at this he started to shout 'Don't speak to my mum like that'. I was trying so hard to just leave but DS wouldn't go quietly & kept repeating it. I explained that DS has autism & often gets dysregulated. He replied 'Oh I might gave known the excuse would be a bloody ism. Everybody has a bloody made up ism. Do fuck off. '

I was angry but just wanted to get away. I felt sorry for his son.

There's more, but those are the ones that stand out.

Edited

You’re going to hate me @Puffalicious but you really need to be giving 1.5m when overtaking a cyclist, and that’s at 30mph.

https://www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/using-the-road-overtaking.html

Using the road - Overtaking (162 to 169)

Before overtaking you should make sure the road is sufficiently clear ahead

https://www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/using-the-road-overtaking.html

MidnightMusing5 · 04/08/2025 22:57

MageQueen · 04/08/2025 16:00

I've spoken with Dh about this a few times. And when I tell him the situation - he 100% gets it because his response is usually, wow, the opposite happened to me.

I actually posted on here once about a delivery driver who was very upset because I asked him, politely, to please NOT stop over my driveway but rahter to please block the neighbour's driveway as a) that was where he was delivering his parcel and b) I was about to get into my car. He was absolutely horriedf andf rudfe and frustrated. DH pointed out that when he's come outside holding car keys and delivery dfrivers are over our driveway, the've all shouted, "right, I'll just move mate" without him having to say a word!

i agree, it’s annoying. But let’s face it, no one chooses to be a delivery driver. They’re paid on how many parcels they deliver in a certain time. They’re not there long . 🤷

Keepingthingsinteresting · 04/08/2025 22:58

EdithBond · 04/08/2025 13:03

I’ve had a number of men be rude or intimidating to me when they’ve turned up in the fast lane at pools. Appearing to think I should now move to the middle lane because they’ve arrived and want to swim faster than me. When I’d already moved to the fast lane because I was faster than everyone in the middle. Several have then effectively bullied me out of the fast lane by almost swimming between my legs or leaving me gulping in a wave as they splash past.

Yet when women faster than me have arrived, they’ve simply swum past me with care (as I do when passing slower swimmers).

Patriarchal entitlement.

When that happened to me (which it used to often, as I was faster than 90% of the men who went to laned sessions, and a lot less splashy, which made them all very keen to try and overtake me) I always found my crawl developed this off kilter flutter that often ended with them being kicked in the face. Odd, but then as I’m just a silly women I suppose it was to be expected 😃

FrangipaniBlue · 04/08/2025 23:21

PauliesWalnuts · 04/08/2025 11:06

Try being a cyclist riding home from work - blokes swearing at you is almost a daily occurrence unfortunately!

Show quote history

Glad it’s not just me!!

I was out cycling in the lakes yesterday, minding my own business when I bloke came alongside me, slowed down, lowered his window and shouted abuse at me. He even had his wife/partner in the car with him!

It happens at least 2 out of 3 times when I’m cycling on my own but never when I’m with the guys from my club.

and it is ALWAYS a middle aged man.

I have never been shouted at for no apparent reason by any woman or a man under 40/over 60.

I often wonder what went wrong in their lives that the sight of a lone woman cycling instills such rage in them…..

MageQueen · 05/08/2025 00:04

MidnightMusing5 · 04/08/2025 22:57

i agree, it’s annoying. But let’s face it, no one chooses to be a delivery driver. They’re paid on how many parcels they deliver in a certain time. They’re not there long . 🤷

Show quote history

Except a) he could easily have parked over the drive of the neighbour he was delivering to b) he was visibly annoyed and basically refused to move even though he was in the wrong c) dh's experience in this exact situation is intrinsically different.

Theyreeatingthedogs · 05/08/2025 00:08

KimberleyClark · 04/08/2025 10:34

The first one,fair enough he was a twat. But the second one, why wouldn’t you just say “I don’t know, I’ve never tried it” instead of going into detail about your own cooking, which wasn’t what he was asking?

Edited

She could have done that but she didn't. She made a bit of conversation. The guy was a twat. She didn't know that when she made a perfectly reasonable comment. Maybe you have "twat radar"?

Bretonsoup · 05/08/2025 01:31

I must be lucky with where I live but I can honestly say I never encounter this. Which is a shame as I’d really enjoy replying to such wankers.

Notsosure1 · 05/08/2025 06:25

OhSoSalty · 04/08/2025 22:00

At work in a supermarket. Man smashed a bottle of wine.
Him "one day you'll have a husband to clean up after"
Me "I do have a husband, he cleans up after himself"
Him "you should be wearing your wedding ring"
Me "why? It'll get lost here"
Him "I hope he divorces you soon, useless cow"
Me "your barred, get out"

It strikes me that a lot of these run ins are probably men trying to make conversation with women they may fancy and are enraged at being rebuffed or (heaven forbid) contradicted. It’s along the lines of ‘well I didn’t fancy you anyway you fat, ugly bitch’ to save face and soothe their damaged egos. So pathetic.

HopelesslyWanderingStar · 05/08/2025 06:32

tripleginandtonic · 04/08/2025 11:15

Where do you live OP, because I've never encountered scenarios like that, let alone 2 in one morning?

i live in south west London and this sort of thing happens to me at least annually, if not bi-annually

Notsosure1 · 05/08/2025 06:44

Puffalicious · 04/08/2025 20:59

My DP is aghast at how often this sort of thing happens. Each time I tell him he's shocked & so angry it's always when I'm alone/ with youngest DC (other 2 are strapping 20 & 18 Yr olds).

Classic angry man in pool as I had the audacity to pass him. Blocked me turning & pushed me as I tried to get past, striking my breast. I complained, gym did nothing. Had a female witness so reported to the police. They visited her for a statement, but it went nowhere as gym wouldn't give his details due to GDRP! The male officer sighed as I told him that a pool should be a safe space for women😡.
Driving to work & a car was switching lanes, driving dangerously slowly. Beeped, overtook & visited petrol station. He followed me in to get petrol. Older male. Tried to intimidate me by coming over & pointing in my face. He got a shock when I said ' You were all over the place. I'm just trying to get to work. You wouldn't say anything to a man. Now fuck off'. He crawled back to his wife who was clearly embarrassed.
Cyclist who decided to follow me to the traffic lights & give a barrage of abuse as I'd apparently driven too near him (gave him a metre), including "Nice car ( vintage soft-top) shame about the bitch driving it'. 'Your husband shouldn't let you drive that when you're such a shit driver'. 'I pity him going home to that' - said to some passing man he seemed to know who laughed along. I tried to explain I'd given him plenty space, but he kept talking at me. I drove on giving him the finger.

DP was livid. I was so angry as he wouldn't even let me speak. He's definitely local but haven't seen him since. DP.isn't the sort to cause any sort of problems, but he's said if I ever see him again to identify where he lives & he'll see him for a polite 'talking to' - don't think it'll be polite.

Ouside a shop with DS which unfortunately had just closed. Was soothing DS as he was disappointed (ASD/ ADHD so needs a few minutes to adjust/ regulate). He appears with his child, child tries the door to find it locked. Man knocks on the window saying to child they'll open it back up for them. I offered that I'd just got there a few minutes before & the staff member apologised but told me they close at 5pm & they were locking the door. I was very friendly. He turned & in the most vile voice replied 'Who asked you? I can ask for myself, fucking interfering bitch'. When my DS got upset at this he started to shout 'Don't speak to my mum like that'. I was trying so hard to just leave but DS wouldn't go quietly & kept repeating it. I explained that DS has autism & often gets dysregulated. He replied 'Oh I might gave known the excuse would be a bloody ism. Everybody has a bloody made up ism. Do fuck off. '

I was angry but just wanted to get away. I felt sorry for his son.

There's more, but those are the ones that stand out.

Edited

He followed me in to get petrol. Older male. Tried to intimidate me by coming over & pointing in my face.

Well done you for telling the old bastard off. I cannot understand men who do this - just, why? My father in law proudly told me he has done this and I just thought what an absolute bloody dickhead he was. I liked surprised said I didn’t know anyone who actually did that. He obv tried to justify it etc but really, unless they’re likely to cause a major accident (even then, how do they expect the driver to respond?), why would you go out of your way to follow them just to tell them off? As you pointed out, he wouldn’t have done this to another man, especially if he thought there was any physical threat to his safety. Men seem to do this a lot and they deserve a colourful mouthful when they’re so keen to dish it out themselves.

As for the vile excuse for a human with the son outside the shop - he’s clearly an angry, woman-hater. My first thought after reading it again was he was probably separated from his son’s mother and was carrying a deep-seated hatred that he was eager to unleash on any woman unfortunate enough to cross his path. The fact you were obviously a mother yourself may have also contributed to his disgusting response. He may have promised his son a trip to this shop as a treat and felt guilty it was closed, then interpreted your words negatively because he was embarrassed, pissed off and you were an easy target not likely to challenge him. I loathe these ‘men’ who seem to enjoy squaring up to vulnerable ppl in front of their offspring to presumably prove how powerful they are. They’re usually inadequates and best forgotten. Still a massive fuckwit tho.

Just to add it can backfire - I’m thinking of that man on the train who had a go at that guy who pushed into him while he was with his son a year or two ago. Unfortunately for him the man had mental health issues and was carrying a knife.

BellissimoGecko · 05/08/2025 06:55

‘At least I can parallel park’!!! 😂😂😂 Toxic insecure masculinity…

BellissimoGecko · 05/08/2025 06:57

Sorry - I didn’t mean to imply that either incident was funny, OP. They weren’t.

BellissimoGecko · 05/08/2025 07:01

KimberleyClark · 04/08/2025 10:34

The first one,fair enough he was a twat. But the second one, why wouldn’t you just say “I don’t know, I’ve never tried it” instead of going into detail about your own cooking, which wasn’t what he was asking?

Edited

But why? Why should op do that? In case the man is rude to her? Women should not have to moderate their words in case a man misinterprets them or takes them the wrong way.

A normal person wouldn’t react like that bloke did.

BellissimoGecko · 05/08/2025 07:20

WFHforevermore · 04/08/2025 11:45

Wow. An old person reaches out with a silly comment, could be his only interaction with another person all day and you fester over the comment.

Refer to him a silly old buggar and then go out of your way to belittle and embarrass him, really nice, hope it made you feel good.

And dont bother replying drip-feeding with all his other silly old comments to you, because i wont be reading them!

Show quote history

Don’t be so daft. Men don’t get to tell women how to look.

if the man had wanted a friendly interaction, he could have said ‘good morning’ or ‘nice day’ or anything inoffensive.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 05/08/2025 07:33

Boomer55 · 04/08/2025 14:48

You seem to attract some strange people, which most of us don’t. 🤷‍♀️.

Given the many responses on this thread it’s clear you are very wrong.

Original poster

Siblingsadness · 05/08/2025 08:21

@Boomer55 what's the purpose of your post to me?
To suggest it's my fault? Or I'm the odd one as 'most' of you dont ever meet anyone like this(who are we talking about btw? Women, British people, people on MN?)

OP posts:

bombastix · 05/08/2025 08:43

Has anyone considered the possibility that those who say this is an unusual behaviour or they never see it are either slightly odd themselves or simply don’t notice because they do something similar?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 05/08/2025 08:44

bombastix · 05/08/2025 08:43

Has anyone considered the possibility that those who say this is an unusual behaviour or they never see it are either slightly odd themselves or simply don’t notice because they do something similar?

NotPerfectlyAdverage · 05/08/2025 09:24

I think if your less likely to be overly people pleasing or have a resting bitch face maybe that's a valid reason to get less encounters like this? I certainly don't go round insulting men calling them thick. Or anyone. But I don't feel safe around random men so I'm not going to engage with them in places where people aren't near. I'm more likely to raise my eyebrows and reply with a closed answer. In fact unless a random man needed help ( like asking for directions) I'd rather not engage.

Like I don't get involved with road rage. People are pissed off and angry on my roads but I'm zen in the car. People don't do more than beep at me as I don't acknowledge any of it. Yes I could flick someone the bird when they beep me for pulling out with 500 yards space because they are doing 60 in a 30 road so get to me faster. But it's not my job to correct and police the fuckwits of this world. There's too many of them.

Willowkins · 05/08/2025 09:26

I haven't had this happen in the last week but it has happened more than once in my lifetime. And maybe I learned to be more vigilant, accommodating or invisible to protect myself . But that's just super sad because men need to take responsibility for their own behaviour - it shouldn't have to be my job.