Ways middle aged men have told us off this week

[Siblingsadness]

I've got 2 today and it's not even midday yet
I swim every day at 6am . There's normally about 6 of us, today I had the pool all to myself. I swam in one of the lanes as i am working on staying straight during certain strokes. After about 20 minutes a man got in the pool. I've seen him before, he always goes in the unlaned bit and does physio walking up and down.
Today he came over to the lane and said I shouldn't be in there as its the fast lane and I wasn't fast. I thought he was joking so I laughed. He then said he wasn't joking and I needed to move. Of course I told him not to be ridiculous, no one else was in here and if someone fast wanted it, I'd move. He called me a silly batch.
Then just now in tescos, I was in the pasta aisle and a man picked up a jar of pasta sauce and said "is this any good" I said I wasn't sure sorry, I normally just get the passata and put onion and garlic in it. He sort of mocked me and said "ooh good cook are you" I said yes, I'm OK and I enjoy it too. He then said "well at least I can parallel park you silly cow"
Now I know I just encountered 2 nutters (maybe a third is on the way) but I'm a bit cheeky and a cow before lunch today despite just going for a swim and buying cheaper pasta ingredients. 🤣🤣

Maybe these observations will be of use to somebody:

1. A friend who was previously married to a psychiatrist gave me this model:

People dealing with life are like baths with running taps. If you walk past the bathroom door, all you see is the side of the bath, and the tap running. You don't know if the plug is in or out.

Plug out = someone who has no problems with everyday life.
Plug in = someone who lets problems build up, but not necessarily in a way that causes them problems.

The trouble starts when the plug is in and the water is half an inch from the top. But walking past the bathroom door, you don't know that. It looks like any other bath. And yet it only take one very small extra amount of water to cause an overflow. Some people are walking around, with water half an inch from the top, the whole time. Men probably more than women, because testosterone can be a big obstacle to recognising that your bath is filling up.

2. A psychotherapist (in a social situation, not "my therapist") once told me this, which was an epiphany: "Once you realise that people relate to others pretty much the same way they relate to themselves, you stop worrying about what they think of you". I would nuance this with "Except the true psychopaths", but this advice has helped me on several occasions. In this case with women as much as men.

That post doesn't say anything about it being in your imagination. I don't know why people keep saying this. People are allowed to add their own experiences or observations.

AIBU isn't really the place to post if you just want everyone to say their experience is exactly the same as yours and the OP hasn't said that.

There are some great responses on this thread that I am going to use if it happens again!

It doesn't happen to me, but one look usually stops them from interacting with me, which
I appreciate.
Apart from paid services, I don't have or need to have any middle aged male weirdos around me.

Is it like the challenge 25 thing? Silly not to check id.

Men probably more than women, because testosterone can be a big obstacle to recognising that your bath is filling up.**

Honestly you actually posted this?

So sorry you had to deal with two of them
in one day! One that stands out for me is when I was working at a supermarket during the summer holidays before I started my law degree (so I was 18)… a man came up to me in front of everyone whilst I was busy working and said loudly ‘I bet you wish you worked harder in school now don’t you?’. I just laughed and said yes - what a horrible man!

I'm still waiting for the opportunity to use the Mumsnet favourite, "Thanks for your comment, random man!" Except that even thinking about it makes me laugh, so if I ever actually say it I'll be in hysterics.

Yes, Challenge 25 means they can ask for ID from anyone who looks under 25.

He did not do this. He was therefore not following policy.

You have to be over 18 to accept a Tesco order (not over 25 - this is just the benchmark for checking ID).

She offered to show him ID to prove she was over 18.

He ignored her and proceeded to lecture us both. For absolutely no reason.

I'm not trying to be dramatic, all that has happened to me today is two knobheads saying stupid comments, and still strangers on here suggest I'm lying etc, no wonder it's so hard for women to want to report proper abuse. The weight of not being believed must be massive

Swim mum here, nothing worse than Mrs slow hat in the fast lane, no idea why anyone not club level would go in fast lane.

Sorry I thought there must have been alcohol or something else age restricted in the shop. I didn't know you had to be 18 for a delivery of groceries, that seems odd in itself. What are they worried about, a 17 year old eating it all.

I was walking on the inside edge of an underpass the other day and as I turned the corner I thought someone might be coming round here too , as I was thinking this thought a man came around on the same side as me and very obviously expected me to move out of his path.
I used to do this, but my DD has been training me in patriarchy chicken recently so I held steady and whilst he wasn't rude, he was very clearly disgruntled at being the one having to shift.
Manspreading on trains is getting utterly ridiculous these days.
They may need to be charged for taking up two seats soon!

Honestly dickheads like this are why I’m not polite to unknown people anymore. In the pool I would’ve ignored him and kept swimming, in the supermarket I would’ve shrugged and said ‘I dunno’ or simply walked away and pretended I didn’t hear him.

If this sort of thing hasn’t happened to you, just be grateful. Don’t assume that just because it hasn’t happened to you, it must mean that a pp is lying about it happening to them.

It hasn’t happened to me in recent years, thankfully. But I did experience abusive men in the past, so I know there are such men around.

Nope. Total misreading of situation. I was the only one in the pool and would have moved for anyone wanting the fast lane

Given I haven’t observed DH, or anyone I know, behaving like this I have no idea. You’ll need to find someone with that view. At no point did I mention anything about it being in people’s heads, you seem to have invented that bit.

Totally missing the point ☝️ f the post, so I would expect you to be blind to other people's needs.

I did have one guy at the petrol station
I was fuelling from the back pump, he got out to lecture me on how you always use the front one so other people can pull in behind you, and on and on
i couldn’t get a word in edgeways

he got back in his car ranting about female drivers, I drove off v slowly, he angrily slammed forward to the first pump which said.. out of order
then couldn’t reverse as the car behind him had also pulled forward

it was perfect

Aren't most of them old enough to know when to turn the tap off?

Well it wasn't this week, but a couple of years ago when I took my daughter to swimming lessons. You could sit and watch them through a big window, so there were lots of parents there.

I overheard a man nearby praising someone loudly for giving their seat to a woman (there was no indication she was disabled or pregnant etc), because he said women needed looking after, and other patronising things. So I said that we don't need looking after, and that was sexist.

Then he made various comments about how I only thought that because of my shaved head, and how he "came from a woman" (i.e. implying that he couldn't possibly be sexist because he has a mother) etc. And then started whispering loudly about me being a lesbian (I'm actually bi, not that that matters) and other things I didn't hear, but were clearly about me.

Then when I got up to leave and walked past him at the end of the session, he asked if I was male or female. I did not respond. None of the other parents said anything supportive to me, or stood up to him. And the staff did nothing when I emailed them about it later.

Could he hear you laughing?

The aggressive local driver one day probably could hear us as they whizzed past only a couple of corners later for us to pass quite slowly with distinctive bright orange car stationary in front of a traffic police car, there were 5 in our car everyone was cheering.

It’s Middle Aged and older men 100%

when I answer the phone I need to ask if they have used our company before (so I know if to set them up as a new customer or not)
the amount of sighing, snapping and sarcastic comments is ridiculous, it’s one small question “I have been for TWENTY YEARS”

and I get a lot of “good girl” and “can I speak to one of the men in the workshop?”
no, because I’m in the workshop. They presume I’m reception as I’m female despite having pressed the option to speak to the workshop

I had to stop a few minutes later as I couldn’t see for tears of laughing
I did try to tell him it was out of order but he was so busy yelling he didn’t listen so…

I find stuff like this fucking INFURIATING, because it’s always women who get it in the neck from these arseholes.