Ways middle aged men have told us off this week

[Siblingsadness]

I've got 2 today and it's not even midday yet
I swim every day at 6am . There's normally about 6 of us, today I had the pool all to myself. I swam in one of the lanes as i am working on staying straight during certain strokes. After about 20 minutes a man got in the pool. I've seen him before, he always goes in the unlaned bit and does physio walking up and down.
Today he came over to the lane and said I shouldn't be in there as its the fast lane and I wasn't fast. I thought he was joking so I laughed. He then said he wasn't joking and I needed to move. Of course I told him not to be ridiculous, no one else was in here and if someone fast wanted it, I'd move. He called me a silly batch.
Then just now in tescos, I was in the pasta aisle and a man picked up a jar of pasta sauce and said "is this any good" I said I wasn't sure sorry, I normally just get the passata and put onion and garlic in it. He sort of mocked me and said "ooh good cook are you" I said yes, I'm OK and I enjoy it too. He then said "well at least I can parallel park you silly cow"
Now I know I just encountered 2 nutters (maybe a third is on the way) but I'm a bit cheeky and a cow before lunch today despite just going for a swim and buying cheaper pasta ingredients. 🤣🤣

I think swimming pools are notorious for this. Men who think they have to race you or that you don't know what lane you should be in (always slower than theirs). Their sour faces when you get into the same lane as them, etc, etc. I am an overweight, middle-aged woman, but in my youth I was a competitive swimmer, so while I may not be the fittest person, I have excellent technique. And as any swimmer will tell you, technique counts for a lot when it comes to swimming. I always enjoy their angry faces when I "beat" them in their race, or neatly sidestep their flailing down the centre of the lane.

Got a grumpy one at the weekend. Saturday morning in the paint and decorating shop that mostly used by trades but open to the public.

Woman front of me in the queue was buying a fair bit of paint which needed to be mixed on site. She had a small child with her that she was playing with while the shopkeeper was mixing her paint. No dithering at all.

Bloke in spattered overalls comes to the till and says For fucks sake. To nobody in particular. Pacing up and down. Shopkeeper comes back to woman with child and takes her next order of paint. That set him off. Oh fucking hell get on with it.

I tuned around to him and said do you want to go in front of me because it sounds like you’re really upset about something and I’m ordering paint to be mixed. That must have embarrassed him and he said no no that’s fine and shut up.

Am pretty sure he was just fed up at women being in what he thought was his domain. We were just buying paint!

Not recently but neighbours having driveway paved.
the van driver parked on our drive!

when i went out to confrobt him he made fun of me being in PJ. My eldest had hfm and was pretty ill with it - i wasnt intending on going out id rushed out to ensure he moved.

Sadly, most of these people are unaware that the tap is running. Or indeed that they are full of water.

It’s shocking to me just how much this happens.

My recent example involved a single track lane with passing places and a man in a truck. There were roadworks on the main road which resulted in Waze rerouting lots of vehicles onto a very narrow single track lane.

The lack of willingness to give way at passing places was gobsmacking. To be fair, that was women and men.

But the best bit was a man driving a truck who tried to barge his way through when there just wasn’t space. I had pulled over as far as I could but he just wasn’t willing to give way and move into the passing place on his side of the road.

Again, to be fair it was really tight as his truck was quite big and totally unsuitable for the narrow lane. I probably didn’t cover myself in glory when I pointed that out to him.

What really made me laugh though was when he said my car was bigger than his truck. I couldn’t help laughing and saying that was clearly not true.

He was so angry at me. But eventually he did move over and we both went on our way.

That might be the case at your pool, but it very much depends on how busy the pool is, the number of people in each lane and the relative speed of the other swimmers there at the time.

Sometimes it is possible to find oneself exceptionally fast relative to all others in the pool at the time, despite not being ‘club level’.

Regardless, no-one deserves abuse, even worse the context she was a lone woman in a pool.

I was in my local Tesco today (little Tesco Metro) they keep changing things round , of course .
I am often asked of I work in store no matter what I'm wearing !

A few weeks back a lady with a trolley ( looked to be in her 80s ) asked me "where are tinned peas "
Rather than tell her "How the hell do I know I don't work here" I thought "Ok I;ll help , as I;d hope someone would help my Mum"

"Oh , I think tinned veg is in ...( cranes neck to read overhead signs ) the next one along . I don't know this shop that well , they keep shifting things and I don't come here often"

To which she replied "I don't want your life history , just some peas "

I left before I could say anything I'd get arrested for !

You have clearly just come on this thread to be contrary throughout, so I shall not trouble myself to answer this.

100%. It’s all relative. Sometimes I’ll go in slow lane, even though I’m certainly not slow, if it’s relatively empty and most people in the middle are faster than me. Sometimes, I’ll go in fast lane, if most people in the middle are slower than me and there’s no one (or no one faster) in fast lane. Sometimes I’ll switch lanes when slower or faster people leave.

That’s surely common sense and considerate.

If you’re super-fast, but it’s clear others in the fast lane are fast enough, why not accept it and sync/slow a little. Or at least politely explain you may have to overtake. No need for entitlement or rudeness. IME, fast women have never been rude. Only men.

I know this is probably deeply antisocial and probably hints at underlying issues, but I secretly love it when men say stuff like this because it’s carte blanche to be as rude as I like back. A lot of them haven’t heard a woman swear, don’t think. Quite cathartic, would recommend.

My eldest DD is 26 but looks several years younger. She's also quite petite, only a size 6-8. She works in retail in a store that sells only clothes and accessories for women and girls.

DD will sometimes have to mind the changing rooms. They have to be kept safe, especially for young girls, so men aren't allowed in the area. Often blokes will try to go in the actual cubicle with their woman partner and she will quite assertively knock on the door and inform the man politely that they are not allowed in. Several times she's been shouted at or had very rude comments from the bloke. One huge man got right into her face and screamed at her. She stood her ground at the time (very proud of her), but when she got to her car the shock hit her and she phoned me, crying her eyes out. Like others have said, they wouldn't behave like this to another man.

On another occasion, she was a fairly new driver and in a situation like a previous poster where she was going along a narrow road. She had right of way as the obstructions were on the opposite side of the road but a man kept coming and he knocked her wing mirror off. DD was with her bf fortunately and she stopped and her bf got out to pick up the broken mirror. Tried speaking with the other driver but he wouldn't engage and drove off. A while later she had a letter from the police with an "intention to prosecute" for failing to stop after an accident. What the other driver didn't account for was she had a black box fitted that not only showed a map of her journeys but also recorded the time and duration of any stops. It clearly showed she'd stopped for a few minutes at the scene of the accident. I helped her write a response back, with printouts of the black box recordings. It was a long wait but she eventually got a further letter to say there would be no further action due to "lack of evidence". It gave the name of the other driver (which surprised me) and I couldn't resist Googling him. He was an ex copper who had other allegations made against him, so seems he was the type who thought he could use his status to try and intimidate others. Twat!

As an ex retail worker I had years of this type of abuse. Usually found it was men of a certain age too. These days any insult or aggression I call them primeval pond slime and walk off leaving them to continue their knuckle dragging rant.

Oh dear you can't cope with someone having different experiences to you. Oh dear, what a pity, never mind.

You can't answer it can you because you were making it up.

Don't leave us hanging @EdithBond , how did they respond?

Oh gosh, where to start. Thoroughly enjoyed reading all these and adding the various responses to my arsenal!

Being told I'm not supporting the team correctly at a football match (clothing, singing, shouting not right)

So many of the driving ones with them not following road rules to give way to me

Being told to cheer up/smile

Being told what to take out of my garden, when to prune things, what are weeds etc by passing men, completely unsolicited when gardening

Giving a presentation on my specialist subject about my personal experience in a particular market, to be told by an audience member afterwards that my experience was not like that

Men stopping when I'm washing my car on the drive, to say "Can you come and do mine as well when you've finished?"
AHAHAHAHA THAT'S SO FUNNY NO ONE HAS EVER, EVER SAID THAT

Cyclists waving me on to overtake them on a blind bend, then getting annoyed when I don't go on the wrong side of the road on the basis of their fucking arm movements. I'm well back from them, quite happy to wait for a safe time i can overtake, but I won't delegate responsibility for the decision to you!

I like to just stare at them silently, that's really effective. Also a fan of, Excuse me! Are you ok? It's just you look like you're watching me for some reason? (E.g. when parking) Generally repeating things back to them that they said, asking them if I heard correctly.
"Just hold on. I missed the bit where I asked you for advice, did I zone out again?"
Being utterly calm and smiling at their anger.

My DP is aghast at how often this sort of thing happens. Each time I tell him he's shocked & so angry it's always when I'm alone/ with youngest DC (other 2 are strapping 20 & 18 Yr olds).

• Classic angry man in pool as I had the audacity to pass him. Blocked me turning & pushed me as I tried to get past, striking my breast. I complained, gym did nothing. Had a female witness so reported to the police. They visited her for a statement, but it went nowhere as gym wouldn't give his details due to GDRP! The male officer sighed as I told him that a pool should be a safe space for women😡.

• Driving to work & a car was switching lanes, driving dangerously slowly. Beeped, overtook & visited petrol station. He followed me in to get petrol. Older male. Tried to intimidate me by coming over & pointing in my face. He got a shock when I said ' You were all over the place. I'm just trying to get to work. You wouldn't say anything to a man. Now fuck off'. He crawled back to his wife who was clearly embarrassed.

• Cyclist who decided to follow me to the traffic lights & give a barrage of abuse as I'd apparently driven too near him (gave him a metre), including "Nice car ( vintage soft-top) shame about the bitch driving it'. 'Your husband shouldn't let you drive that when you're such a shit driver'. 'I pity him going home to that' - said to some passing man he seemed to know who laughed along. I tried to explain I'd given him plenty space, but he kept talking at me. I drove on giving him the finger.

DP was livid. I was so angry as he wouldn't even let me speak. He's definitely local but haven't seen him since. DP.isn't the sort to cause any sort of problems, but he's said if I ever see him again to identify where he lives & he'll see him for a polite 'talking to' - don't think it'll be polite.

• Ouside a shop with DS which unfortunately had just closed. Was soothing DS as he was disappointed (ASD/ ADHD so needs a few minutes to adjust/ regulate). He appears with his child, child tries the door to find it locked. Man knocks on the window saying to child they'll open it back up for them. I offered that I'd just got there a few minutes before & the staff member apologised but told me they close at 5pm & they were locking the door. I was very friendly. He turned & in the most vile voice replied 'Who asked you? I can ask for myself, fucking interfering bitch'. When my DS got upset at this he started to shout 'Don't speak to my mum like that'. I was trying so hard to just leave but DS wouldn't go quietly & kept repeating it. I explained that DS has autism & often gets dysregulated. He replied 'Oh I might gave known the excuse would be a bloody ism. Everybody has a bloody made up ism. Do fuck off. '

I was angry but just wanted to get away. I felt sorry for his son.

There's more, but those are the ones that stand out.

Did you report him to the company?

Anyone want to tell @Puffalicious that it's her fault or does the fact that a man (her Dp) is involved and believes her mean that we believe her straight away and don't question?

The point was that it's irrelevant what your DH thinks works, it won't work for women and could put them in danger.

I had a man call me at work once asking for details of a project that company was involved in. This was completely outside of my area of work, it was a very large non-consumer facing company, and I would have no means of directing his call. I told the caller that he’d contacted the wrong team and which office would be able to answer his query and directed him to the office phone number on our website. He explained to me very slowly that my job was to deal with his request myself and I explained clearly that it was not and reminded him how he could get the info he needed. He then gave me his phone number and told me he’d be expecting a call from the right contact and hung up.

About a week later he called me again as no one had contacted him. He started ranting about how useless I was, as I didn’t understand my job, and he would complain about me. Then hung up and sent an email about me to the President of the business, having tried to guess his email, and copying me. When the guess proved wrong and the email bounced back, he guessed again, and again, and again, copying me every single time. After about 15 attempts, he eventually got it right at which point I made sure all the right people were aware of how he had behaved towards me and he was collectively ignored!

Gobsmacked that someone thinks testosterone is a valid excuse for poor regulation of emotions! Plenty of men grow up to be decent and still have high testosterone - the key is recognising signs of anger and finding mechanisms to regulate. Women are socially conditioned to do this, we deal with fluctuating hormones that, unless you're good at tracking your cycle, you sometimes don't understand why you might feel more pissed off and ready to snap. We generally don't unless pushed. Men have a consistent level of hormones which they should be learning to deal with. Testosterone is zero excuse for piss poor conduct.

"I’m so sorry to be stupid, but I have read it a few times and really don’t understand his comment to you? Clearly would have gone right over my head!" Similar to your chocolate bar experience, it's because I may buy something he deemed me too fucking fat to consume and he could shame me for my choice.

Driving on a b-road I didn’t know well and realised I needed to be in the left lane at a small roundabout when I was in the right. The road was not busy, so I indicated that I wanted to move over to the lane on the left and checked to see if it was clear. Many other drivers round here would be courteous enough to let you move over, but a car came speeding up behind me in the left lane and didn’t let me move across, which he was within his right to do as I was in the wrong position. But as he went ahead, he stuck his hand out of the sunroof and gave me the middle finger. I halfheartedly gave the middle finger back but was more focused on the roundabout and checking the road was clear for a lane change.

The driver of the other car stopped suddenly, in the middle of the road, and the driver got out and started yelling at me for swearing at him. No one else could get past him, so there was soon an audience. He came right up to my window, still yelling, and trying to pick a fight with me. I was terrified he would force the door open and hit me so said nothing and waited for him to be done. Apparently only he had the right to put people in their place with hand gestures and made sure that me and the 20 cars that he was obstructing knew that by standing in the road alone and ranting!

I did that once. We were on our way up to my parents’ home, because my dad had died very suddenly, and had stopped to get the dc some tea, when a man produced the classic “Smile, love, it might never happen!”, and I replied “It has - my dad dropped dead yesterday!” That wiped the smug smile off his face.

At work in a supermarket. Man smashed a bottle of wine.
Him "one day you'll have a husband to clean up after"
Me "I do have a husband, he cleans up after himself"
Him "you should be wearing your wedding ring"
Me "why? It'll get lost here"
Him "I hope he divorces you soon, useless cow"
Me "your barred, get out"