To not have sex for 8 years because I have small breasts

[islaw3048unfln]

I know men strongly prefer larger breasts, that's what 99% look at, and want, even when the rest of a woman's figure is just straight up and down as long as she has big boobs it's hot/amazing etc to them.

I know I could get laid (men will sleep with anything that isn't Quasimodo), but I don't want to be settled for, a body just to use but that they aren't really turned on by.

So I just don't feel like sex, never in the mood, I don't want to be dating where a man is just eyeing up other bustier women all the time and feeling unsatisfied/wishing there were two balloons up top in bed.

I hate my breasts. I just have always thought that small = disappointing to men, that they might make me look like a teenager (no woman wants that).

I know confidence is an attractive trait but it still can’t actually change a flaw (or something that is far less desirable in any case). No amount of confidence can make a man fancy a woman he just doesn’t fancy.

I feel so uncomfortable, unsexy, unwomanly in my body.

Have you ever considered counseling or therapy for your body confidence?

You sound like my mom.

Models must be really unattractive then, because most of them are small breasted.

I have felt many times the attraction that men have felt for me just after meeting me. All women feel when men are attracted to them, no matter the boob size. It’s really about something else, and you can see it in their eyes, when men really desire you. There’s no faking it.

Plus, I love how perky small boobs are. You’ll appreciate that with age.

How do you know? You don't speak to men.

This is a sad and silly position to take. Men like all sorts.

Years ago, I had a boss who swore blind all men were lying if they said small were ok and obviously women should be big boobed. I told a few boyfriends over the years who all said that was rubbish, and disliked that boss for saying such a stupid thing.

The thing is, you are what you are. Dont cut off a gorgeous and expressive part of life for so stupid a worry. Be the best you can be and whoever loves you, loves you for you. Beware getting into a relationship with no sex either.

I don't know what you look at online OP, but your ideas are quite distorted. Are you sure that its not just the algorythms piling in about men liking big boobs because that is what you are asking about? Please chill and take a broader view of life and relationships. And be kinder to yourself.😊

You’re obviously picking the wrong men!
How old are you and how old are the men you’re chasing??

A lot of them will just take what they can get because they just want sex at the end of the day. Big boobs, small boobs.....
It really doesn't matter.

I watched something recently about femcels and this seems similar. I think a lot of femcels have body dysmorphia and it can lead to thinking a lot of assumptions about other people

I had tiny boobs up till my 40’s never stopped me getting laid. I had many compliments. They are bigger now but because they were smaller they’ve defied gravity for longer. Be proud of your pert tits 😂😂

But why do you care if men who prefer big boobs don’t fancy you? There are plenty of men who prefer smaller breasts or don’t care about breasts and fancy women based on other aspects of their body or personality. Why worry about the men who won’t find you attractive rather than focus on the men who will? You don’t need to be attractive to every man, you only need to be attracted to the one man you are pursuing a relationship with.

I d ok t think guys settle tbh op, I think they’re happy to be with anyone who’s happy to be with them which sounds a bit awful but I think it’s true, if you’re both having a good time I seriously doubt he’ll care what your breasts are like. We put these assumptions onto ourselves and beat ourselves up over weight, appearance etc, I don’t think men mind, I think they’re just happy to be with someone!

@Boymumma1 I don’t think porn is a reflection of what all men want in real life, but I think we all know it’s famous for mostly including big boobs….

I actually hate the idea that there is nowadays an idea of an objectively ´incredible’ body, ie thin usually straight with huge boobs. I know that bums and hips are also very in but I just feel like there’s still a male obsession with large breasts. It could just be my own internalised dislike of my breasts making this seem more extreme though.

If this is genuinely the only reason you don't want sex, I suggest you see a counsellor to talk it through. There are very very many good and healthy reasons to actively choose a celibate life, but the fact that you hold a false belief about men's sexual preferences is not one of them.

(I am virtually boobless. Loads of men have and still do find me attractive. This has also been the experience of many female friends and family members with small breasts. And I know a couple of large breasted women who struggle to find male partners. .Men aren't quite as simplistic as you are making them out to be, honestly)

This sounds like more a confidence issue with your body than anything else. Men like different things, some like long legs, other bums.

You just need to find someone who will likes you for you...

My DH is very open about the fact that he prefers small breasts. Even tho I don't have small breasts - he says he has "got used to them" and that he loves me for me and the rest of my body, not just one part.

YANBU to not have sex for any reason

YABU to fixate on the small breasts

I honestly don't think men are that obsessed with breast and know that most are fake in porn.

I really do think you need to see a therapist or counsellor to unpack where this comes from.
Presumably somebody has shamed you in the past..?
Have you actually heard several men express this preference?

It really is by no means a fact… look at all the beautiful actresses and models (!) with small breasts, they are very much desired! I could list them but surely no need to? Kate Moss, Gigi Hadid, Dua Lipa, Keira Knightley.. I mean come on!

Some men like larger breasts sure, some
men love smaller ones.

@islaw3048unfln This sounds actually like you are afraid of long term commitment and getting rejected and you have framed it in terms of the thing you can't change about yourself.
So you can simply say, well I've not going to put myself out there because a man will settle, and I don't want him to settle (almost like you are doing men a favour by not dating them with your apparently disappointing body).

What you want us to say is 'oh yes men love big boobs and nothing else' and then validate your lack of self confidence in wanting to explore what might be out there in terms of relationships. So then when you look back on these eight years you can tell yourself, you didn't find the right person not because you didn't risk having your heart broken (which is a risk everyone takes), but because you somehow 'knew' subliminally that you would be a disappointment. You are just talking yourself into this to avoid the risk of heartbreak.
(Which btw happens to women with big boobs, small boobs, medium boobs, all sorts of women- even supermodels have their hearts broken).

I think you are the one who doesn't like your boobs op and are projecting this onto men. If you want it to rule your life and stop you having sex or want to use them as an excuse to opt out of sex then that's fine and nobody will think anything either way about it. IF on the other hand you are unhappy about the no sex then stop using your boobs as an excuse because they certainly aren't the reason. Sorry if this is a bit tough love but you are in control here.

Wise post op.

I'm not going to just humour you: I think some men - and if I'm honest probably the majority of men - like breasts. That doesn't mean they hanker only after really large breasts, but it does mean that I think they are something they notice, and mostly not in a negative way.

But that doesn't mean they can't find smaller breasts attractive. More importantly, it also doesn't mean as humans we aren't capable of being attracted to a person as a whole, not just specific body parts.

But without the relationship as the fuller picture, yeah probably breasts are something men focus on quite a bit - which is why, as so many have said, they feature in porn a lot. But there is no broader relationship in that context.

The point is to move past a static, personality-free visual appearance for a man and let him grow to love the whole person. They are actually capable for the most part of not being wholly superficial.

It is really really sad that you’ve developed such a low self esteem/neurosis and stopped enjoying sex, because of a false assumption… I really
hope you can get some to build up
your self esteem , I’m sure you are gorgeous x