To not have sex for 8 years because I have small breasts

[islaw3048unfln]

I know men strongly prefer larger breasts, that's what 99% look at, and want, even when the rest of a woman's figure is just straight up and down as long as she has big boobs it's hot/amazing etc to them.

I know I could get laid (men will sleep with anything that isn't Quasimodo), but I don't want to be settled for, a body just to use but that they aren't really turned on by.

So I just don't feel like sex, never in the mood, I don't want to be dating where a man is just eyeing up other bustier women all the time and feeling unsatisfied/wishing there were two balloons up top in bed.

Did you mean to be so rude?

Either you've been watching too much TV or talking to teenage boys. This is simply not true. I am small chested. I've had various boyfriends and now married. Has never been an issue.

Okay, well now you're just being offensive.

I’ve been considering a boob job for a long time, it’s just the cost that is making me wait.

no I am not a pervy man, this thread isn’t asking people to describe sexual experiences.

Hmm. I have size C boobs, so definitely something there, but they aren’t massive. However, I don’t care and neither does DH - he’s definitely into bottoms and legs. He will quite openly admit to having no interest in boob size or even shape. So no, not all men care about breasts. And actually a good man will love you for you and not fixate on specific body parts anyway. Therefore I voted YABU.

This is absolutely bizarre.

I wore size 14-16 clothes when I was younger and had DD breasts. They got a fair bit of male attention mainly because it was the height of the wonderbra era.

I then got very into fitness and shrunk down to a slim size 10 with A-cup breasts. I got lots and lots of male attention. I was (happily attached) bemused by it. It never crossed my mind to wonder if my breasts were disappointing.

But this isn't the problem with your post. You have created a prison for yourself in your own head. You are foregoing your own potential pleasure, shared intimacy and relationships because of a ridiculous theory you've created for yourself.

Go to therapy. This shallowness is a one way street to life long misery. If naked physical appearance is all that matters how are you going to cope in your 40s, 50s and beyond.

The problem is not your breasts, it's your mind. Therapy.

This is so bizarre. Not every man prefers big breasts. The same way they don’t all prefer long legs or small bums or blonde hair.

you have internalised something and are projecting it on 50% of the population

@Goditsmemargaret Brilliant post, Today 12:47

"You have created a prison for yourself in your own head.

The problem is not your breasts, it's your mind"

A little introspection @islaw3048unfln could help immensely.

I'm overweight and I've still never grown beyond an A-cup. I have suffered with insecurity about them at times, but not half as much as insecurities about my personality etc. I've had lots of men. None of them has complained, and I'm sure the one who told me I should wear lipstick and one or two others would have. Some have been fascinated by my nipples. I'm sure some would prefer larger breasts, but that's not so different from preferring a lot of body hair on a man or not, or only men of a particular height range etc.

Don't have sex if you don't want to, but don't let breast size be the thing to stop you.

This is one of the most ridiculous threads I've ever read on here.

Whats going on with all the women who are in relationships who have smaller boobs? Their men are fantasizing about bigger boobs and not 100% into them?

The slightest bit of critical thinking would tell you thats not the case.

Its so obvious its a you problem OP. I can't believe you've allowed this to put you off dating for so long!

In the nicest possible way, you need to work on your self esteem.

You’re worried the men you have sex with might be disappointed??? 🤯 Firstly, unless they are blind they won’t be disappointed because they’ll know how big your boobs are before you get undressed. Secondly, unless you are having a ONS or a very casual fling, you would hope that the ‘attraction’ runs a little deeper than the size of your breasts.

If you don’t want to have sex that’s obviously fine but given there are loads of small-boobed women out there in satisfying physical relationships, you must realise it’s possible if you want it?

I have HUGE boobs and hate them. You are welcome to some of mine!

You seem to have such strong views on this you are not allowing yourself to have the chance to feel wanted/sexy/loved.

Your boobs have little effect on how a man (One that actually matters) views you. Your confidence, your intelligence, your interests, your clothing, your hair, your smile.......We could go on and on about the things that attract men and women before we get hung up on boob size.

If we must focus on boobs just remember that there are men who find big boobs unattractive. If you are busy worrying about your little ones, they will probably miss your more obvious points.

So you’ve made a story up basically? This is your feelings of self worth not the fault of all men.

Seem and impression are the key words here.

do you think it’s easier blaming men than your self esteem? Probably some work to do on that?

You have stated yourself that you don’t find six packs desirable and like broad shoulders, despite the media having us believe that every woman loves a six pack. The media has us believe every man likes big boobs, but this is also false.

Yea, some men prefer big boobs. Some prefer small ones. Some don’t care about boobs at all. It doesn’t really matter which of those categories holds the most men because you’re not wanting or needing to feel sexy to most men, you just need to feel sexy in front of the man you’re having sex with. What other men think shouldn’t matter. If you go out dressed nicely at a bar or similar place with single men there it will soon be clear to you which men are attracted to you and which aren’t. It doesn’t matter that you won’t be every man’s type, it doesn’t even matter if you’re not most men’s type, obviously there are still lots of men who don’t find big boobs important in a woman and those are the men you will attract.

Men just like breasts. The issue is in your head tbh.

You’re the Sidney Sweeney fan aren’t you?

I don't think thats true at all. I have big breasts (I'm an hourglass - big boobs, smaller waist and big hips/bum) and I have plenty of friends with small breasts who get plenty of male attention. Plus you can do the cute outfits where you can go bra-less whereas if I did it I'd look obscene.

That’s almost like an unheard of thing, a man saying he thinks his wife’s (or any woman’s) boobs should be smaller 😅

I have big boobs and some men don’t find me attractive. Shocking as that is. I’ve even been on nights out where my smaller breasted friends have pulled while I haven’t!

But in seriousness OP this is obviously a delusion on your part, linked to some self esteem issues. I think speaking to a therapist would help.

I mean, most men do like boobs yes. But generally they are attracted to and satisfied by the person, not one aspect of their body… I’m sure my husband isn’t attracted to my acne and I’m not ‘attracted’ to his receding hairline but those things just aren’t relevant.

Having said that, I did have a boob job 10+ years ago, they are still pretty small and not far off what you say yours are now. I love them and would say it was one of the best decisions I have made. I hope if you save up and have it done you are happy and you will likely realise that you were enough all along. (it’s easy to say that all in hindsight though so I get it.)

How would you know? Do you know ALL the men?

Sounds like you’ve built a picture of what men like from the Carry On films and the Benny Hill Show 🙄

This is a very weird thread.
Men are just as self conscious about their bodies and worry about it. It's just that they don't publicly talk/post about it except for misogynists who do so by degrading women. A lot of men who are self conscious about their bodies just suppress those feelings.

If you don't want to have sex, don't.
Desire is not a fixed thing in long term relationships. Even in short term relationships there is a difference between responsive desire and spontaneous desire. And it is a myth that men only feel spontaneous desire.
I don't swoon when I see DH every time. In fact right now I want to hit him over the head with a shovel, he's having a particularly ditsy week. But for the most part he's kind, funny, an equal partner, has lovely blue eyes and what I think most people would see as a nice body. Attraction and desire are not fixed ideas.

So if you are hoping to have a long term meaningful relationship you have to let go of the idea that your DH will find you instantly attractive at all points. You may even have to 'fall back in love' with HIS body, he may have to fall back in love with yours, this is all par for the course.

(I'm in my 40s, been with DH for 22/23 years...).

Has any man ever criticised you for this or is this a barrier you're created in your own mind. Sounds like you might need some help in dealing with it and feeling more positive about yourself.

Apologies if my opinion as a man is not welcome here, but, for me, nothing is sexier then a partner having self-confidence.