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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely distraught

302 replies

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:09

So, my ex and I split 2 weeks ago and he is already seeing somebody new. We were together for 18 years with 2 children. He said he fell out of love a while ago but it still hurts like hell, the kids have already met the new woman and I am utterly heartbroken

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 06/08/2025 10:10

I’m worried for you, you haven’t replied to a lot of people who are advising about how to protect yourself legally and financially. Have you done anything about that side of things?

I know this is a huge shock that has left you reeling, but he’s been planning this for months and will be up to his own legal and financial manoeuvres already, probably was long before he left. He has left you heartbroken, he will also leave you destitute if you let him.

Please take some steps to protect yourself. Are you married to him? Are your finances enmeshed? Do you jointly own your home with him? He can and will screw you over if you don’t stop him.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 06/08/2025 14:46

Hi @Adioss how are you today?

Thebibleofdave · 07/08/2025 15:07

@Adioss how you doing lovely? Playlist for you xx

Kelly Clarkson- stronger
Craig davis- walking away
Gloria garnet-i will survive
Natasha benifield-unwritten
Akon-beautiful
Haliee Shenfield-most girls

MyLimeGuide · 07/08/2025 16:58

Thebibleofdave · 07/08/2025 15:07

@Adioss how you doing lovely? Playlist for you xx

Kelly Clarkson- stronger
Craig davis- walking away
Gloria garnet-i will survive
Natasha benifield-unwritten
Akon-beautiful
Haliee Shenfield-most girls

Miley Cyrus - Flowers 🌻

Thebibleofdave · 07/08/2025 17:57

@MyLimeGuide Tune!!!!! Blasting it now! Also...
Jojo-too little too late

Hope @Adioss your doing ok. We are still here for you💪

Original poster
Adioss · 12/08/2025 11:40

Sorry I have been meaning to come and give you an update but I have just been sorting things out. I am a lot better than I was a few days ago and thinking more practical. I have moved into my parents. He on the other hand is currently on holiday with his new woman. It’s the shock of it all but I will never trust a man again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Adioss · 12/08/2025 11:40

Sorry I have been meaning to come and give you an update but I have just been sorting things out. I am a lot better than I was a few days ago and thinking more practical. I have moved into my parents. He on the other hand is currently on holiday with his new woman. It’s the shock of it all but I will never trust a man again.

OP posts:
Thebibleofdave · 12/08/2025 14:10

@Adioss There you are girl!...been thinking of you every day. So glad your feeling better. You can't keep a good woman down 🤗

I luke to think ADIOSS is a big GOODBYE YOU MUTHA-FUCKER and hes in spain right now and i hope ex-twat face gets serious sun burn and food poisoning after standing on a jelly fish while catching galloping knob rot and losing his passport. That is all....for today atleast. Happy holidays cunty!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/08/2025 14:18

It's genuinely his loss, spineless man.
You'll be fine, you'll get through the shock.
Keep him at arms length, only discuss the necessary or he'll be trying to get into your life keeping you hanging on.
His ego is important to him.

shizgigz · 12/08/2025 15:44

@Adioss you are doing brilliantly. One day at a time and lean on the people who genuinely care about you.

Original poster
Adioss · 12/08/2025 16:13

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/08/2025 14:18

It's genuinely his loss, spineless man.
You'll be fine, you'll get through the shock.
Keep him at arms length, only discuss the necessary or he'll be trying to get into your life keeping you hanging on.
His ego is important to him.

You wouldn’t think it the way he is acting. I find it so odd. The tears are getting less but I’m still a bit of a mess, I’m sure I will get there, my family and friends are great but this forum has really helped me

OP posts:
Thebibleofdave · 12/08/2025 16:23

@Adioss For now maybe. Men think the grass is greener until it isnt....because its usually covered in shit.

Don't know if you read up on 'the script' yet? I bet my fucking life if it's a day, week, month or year he will be crawling back. They nearly always do. Stay strong-you are doing brilliantly and we are all here for you! 💪

MerryForever · 12/08/2025 16:24

Is he staying in your family home? Are you at your parents’ place because you want to be there? Are they supportive?

Despite your sadness, it’s so important you fight for your future right now.

Original poster
Adioss · 12/08/2025 16:26

MerryForever · 12/08/2025 16:24

Is he staying in your family home? Are you at your parents’ place because you want to be there? Are they supportive?

Despite your sadness, it’s so important you fight for your future right now.

I’m doing everything I can. We are selling the house, I have moved out to start fresh and build something of my own.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 12/08/2025 16:36

I’m so glad to hear you sounding positive. I know it’s extremely hard and will be for quite a while to come, but it’s fantastic that you’re taking to positive steps. I completely understand wanting to get out of the house as soon as possible and make a fresh start. It’s great that you’ve got supportive family and friends. You sound very lovely and he’s a stupid arsehole for doing this to you. You will have a wonderful future without him. Has he bothered with the children at all?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/08/2025 16:44

Adioss · 12/08/2025 16:13

You wouldn’t think it the way he is acting. I find it so odd. The tears are getting less but I’m still a bit of a mess, I’m sure I will get there, my family and friends are great but this forum has really helped me

Show quote history

I understand, it is shocking how someone who once loved you, could turn out to be so cold.

A lot of men do this. My friends ex DH was a loving father, okay DH, when she fell out of love, he took everything he ever bought, TV's, electronic devices his DC, toys, the bloody microwave.

Tell yourself he is dead, grieving for him as gone forever will help.

Original poster
Adioss · 12/08/2025 17:32

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/08/2025 16:44

I understand, it is shocking how someone who once loved you, could turn out to be so cold.

A lot of men do this. My friends ex DH was a loving father, okay DH, when she fell out of love, he took everything he ever bought, TV's, electronic devices his DC, toys, the bloody microwave.

Tell yourself he is dead, grieving for him as gone forever will help.

Show quote history

Yes, trying to understand why a person did what they did will not help. I’ll never ever go back, not after what he did to the kids and I. The grief is what could have been as he will never be a part of my future, only communicating when necessary regarding the kids.

OP posts:
Brenda34 · 12/08/2025 19:31

It's as if they flick a switch inside themselves. It's hard to really grasp the shock of it until it happens to you. They become a completely different person. The fuckwittery that comes out of their mouths is truly astounding.
Poor new woman though. She thinks she's landed a catch. What he is, is a man who's prepared to cheat on his wife, lie through his teeth and not turn up for his kids. She'll see what he's like eventually.
You no longer have to care about all that. You're free of that twat now - as soon as the admin is done.

The thing about not trusting a man ever again. You'll hopefully find a different way to trust. It's early days but don't close your heart to it.

Original poster
Adioss · 12/08/2025 19:39

Brenda34 · 12/08/2025 19:31

It's as if they flick a switch inside themselves. It's hard to really grasp the shock of it until it happens to you. They become a completely different person. The fuckwittery that comes out of their mouths is truly astounding.
Poor new woman though. She thinks she's landed a catch. What he is, is a man who's prepared to cheat on his wife, lie through his teeth and not turn up for his kids. She'll see what he's like eventually.
You no longer have to care about all that. You're free of that twat now - as soon as the admin is done.

The thing about not trusting a man ever again. You'll hopefully find a different way to trust. It's early days but don't close your heart to it.

I don’t see her as a poor woman. Although it isn’t entirely her fault i just don’t know how i feel about her, im guessing that will change though

OP posts:
Original poster
Adioss · 12/08/2025 19:42

I may thank her eventually, who knows

OP posts:
Silvertulips · 12/08/2025 19:49

Why have you moved out? He may have to contribute more of you stay put!!

See a solicitor before making ANY decisions - do what’s best for you and the children NOT what’s fair -

He is using your shock to get the best advantage - move back -

Original poster
Adioss · 12/08/2025 19:51

Silvertulips · 12/08/2025 19:49

Why have you moved out? He may have to contribute more of you stay put!!

See a solicitor before making ANY decisions - do what’s best for you and the children NOT what’s fair -

He is using your shock to get the best advantage - move back -

I’m not moving back, I am happy here with my parents and so are the kids. We split the house and that is that. I want a fresh start, I can’t be there and I don’t know why

OP posts:
DollydaydreamTheThird · 12/08/2025 22:16

Adioss · 12/08/2025 19:42

I may thank her eventually, who knows

You definitely will hun. I thank my lucky stars every day that she appeared when she did. 🤣I was devastated at the time and hated them both with a passion.

Original poster
Adioss · 14/08/2025 10:11

DollydaydreamTheThird · 12/08/2025 22:16

You definitely will hun. I thank my lucky stars every day that she appeared when she did. 🤣I was devastated at the time and hated them both with a passion.

Show quote history

How do you feel about them now?

OP posts:
Washingupdone · 14/08/2025 10:54

Adioss · 12/08/2025 19:51

I’m not moving back, I am happy here with my parents and so are the kids. We split the house and that is that. I want a fresh start, I can’t be there and I don’t know why

Show quote history

Please see a solicitor. Your DC are worth more than half of your house. It is their home and their future you are giving him.

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