Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely distraught

302 replies

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:09

So, my ex and I split 2 weeks ago and he is already seeing somebody new. We were together for 18 years with 2 children. He said he fell out of love a while ago but it still hurts like hell, the kids have already met the new woman and I am utterly heartbroken

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 05/08/2025 15:03

Tillow4ever · 05/08/2025 08:32

Obviously I was intending to find him, talk to him and “befriend” him and in doing so ask stuff like how long they’ve been together etc. when alcohol is involved one of them would slip up and reveal they’ve been together longer than 2 weeks!

Show quote history

I think you have been watching too many private detective films.

Original poster
Adioss · 05/08/2025 15:25

It was really odd when he came round last night, kept smiling and looking at me, he also knocked on again 5 minutes later to ask me to put something in the bin. Odd

OP posts:
Motherbear44 · 05/08/2025 15:54

@Adioss That is strange - to ask you to put something in the bin! Do you think he was checking up on you /eg he wanted to see if you were bawling your eyes out after spending a few minutes in his presence?

Washingupdone · 05/08/2025 16:04

Do not clutch onto straws, he was just checking up on you, making sure you were still weak and would do anything to avoid you taking him to the cleaners.
I am sorry to say both your and DC ‘s have changed forever. Many of us on mumsnet have been in the same situation. My ex even sweet talked me out of child benefit, you need protection. Please protect yourself and your DC’s furture see a solicitor.

PommieBear · 05/08/2025 16:06

Babe, get what you can off him while he feels guilty.

Original poster
Adioss · 05/08/2025 16:09

Washingupdone · 05/08/2025 16:04

Do not clutch onto straws, he was just checking up on you, making sure you were still weak and would do anything to avoid you taking him to the cleaners.
I am sorry to say both your and DC ‘s have changed forever. Many of us on mumsnet have been in the same situation. My ex even sweet talked me out of child benefit, you need protection. Please protect yourself and your DC’s furture see a solicitor.

Oh im not, I would never ever go back after another woman is involved, ever

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/08/2025 16:11

Adioss · 05/08/2025 15:25

It was really odd when he came round last night, kept smiling and looking at me, he also knocked on again 5 minutes later to ask me to put something in the bin. Odd

Sounds like he’s hoping to see some kind of reaction from you. You’re supposed to be grief stricken and begging for him back. It’s not good for his ego if you appear to be fine. It suggests you’re doing a good job of putting a brave face in it in front of him, which I know will be absolutely exhausting for you, but well done for keeping it going. Eventually it will get easier because you genuinely won’t care, but right now letting him think you don’t care is good. What was his excuse for not collecting the kids when he said?

Jetandianto · 05/08/2025 16:53

Get a good lawyer, fast!

Daygloboo · 05/08/2025 17:30

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/08/2025 16:11

Sounds like he’s hoping to see some kind of reaction from you. You’re supposed to be grief stricken and begging for him back. It’s not good for his ego if you appear to be fine. It suggests you’re doing a good job of putting a brave face in it in front of him, which I know will be absolutely exhausting for you, but well done for keeping it going. Eventually it will get easier because you genuinely won’t care, but right now letting him think you don’t care is good. What was his excuse for not collecting the kids when he said?

Show quote history

Don't cave in. There is weird psychology involved in this. They hurt you and dont give a shit and yet want to see you reacting hurt for the sake of their ego. Don't fall for it.

Brenda34 · 05/08/2025 17:53

How did he explain away his failure to turn up for the children?
He needs to be very clear that this can't happen again. They aren't toys to be wheeled out when it's convenient for him to display his 'good dad' card to the new girlfriend.
It's one thing to want out of your relationship but to do that to the kids is revolting. Please keep a record of this kind of stuff.

Pessismistic · 05/08/2025 21:25

Adioss · 05/08/2025 16:09

Oh im not, I would never ever go back after another woman is involved, ever

Show quote history

I’m glad you’re thinking like this as he is definitely a shit. I hope you told him he can’t leave you in the lurch when you’re meant to be working. It must be hard going through this so soon after him telling you he is leaving.

Endorewitch · 05/08/2025 21:30

You sound heartbroken and I don't blame you. He isn't worth your torment,but that is no comfort at the moment. But you will recover. You just need time. He is a callous,lying bustard.
Maybe your doctor can give you something to cope until you have come to terms with what has happened.
You are worth more than him.

Daygloboo · 05/08/2025 21:35

Apart from.when he collects the children, (or however you organise things around the children ) make sure you keep direct contact to a minimum. I dont think it is a good idea to give him direct access to you any more. He hasn't earned it. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it.

Original poster
Adioss · 05/08/2025 21:53

I feel like such a fool for choosing this man for my children’s father

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 05/08/2025 22:02

Adioss · 05/08/2025 21:53

I feel like such a fool for choosing this man for my children’s father

You’re not the fool he is. None of us can ever be sure that you will not be cheated on and left with the kids. It’s horrible but there are loads of selfish people who are only looking out for themselves sadly some women don’t have enough respect to not cheat they don’t see it as it is breaking up the family they see it as I want him he wants me so that’s ok. But it’s not. If women thought about other women first so many men would not be able to cheat but unfortunately that’s not how life is. This is definitely not on you.

Plmnki · 05/08/2025 22:18

I’m so sorry for your distress OP. It is so horrible. Please know your hurt will ease. You will be successful, independent and happy. You will move on with your life. meantime your ex will still be an utter utter wanker.

You will get past this prick, he will be behind you, in the past. A sad twat.

You will be fabulous.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 05/08/2025 22:25

You’re not a fool, you’re just a decent human being with morals, and believed that he was the same. He’s a liar and a cheat, they’re quite good at pulling the wool over your eyes. This is 100% his fault. Please be kind to yourself.

Lionness5 · 05/08/2025 22:25

Adioss · 05/08/2025 21:53

I feel like such a fool for choosing this man for my children’s father

You didn't chose this man. You chose who you thought he was. The shame is all his.

Horses7 · 05/08/2025 22:46

Stay strong OP - we’re rooting for you!

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/08/2025 22:49

Oh sweetheart, so very, very sorry. You will look back in years to come and be glad, though. You will go on to build a good life and she will be stuck with a terrible man.

alseb · 05/08/2025 22:53

Keep on going
He will walk in your shadow!

Isamummy2021 · 05/08/2025 23:53

Adioss · 05/08/2025 15:25

It was really odd when he came round last night, kept smiling and looking at me, he also knocked on again 5 minutes later to ask me to put something in the bin. Odd

He's testing you. Holding on checking your still waiting around for him also keeping you sweet maybe blowing any savings get a solicitor asap and get filing divorce and freeze financial assets he smiling because he thinks he knows better maybe getting away with something he's had this woman longer than 2 weeks do not trust 1 word that comes out of this piece of 💩 mouth. One day he will really deeply regret his actions get angry and get cracking the whip. Stay strong and focused on yourself and your family x

Enrichetta · 06/08/2025 00:00

You can file for divorce now - online.

Show him you mean to formalise the shit-brick he threw at you.

Also, the one who files is in the driving seat!

NB: before you press submit on the divorce petition, make sure you have copied/downloaded all financial documents - bank and investment statements, P60s, pensions…… everything.

Brenda34 · 06/08/2025 00:07

OP hasn't said that they were married.

Tinytimmy123 · 06/08/2025 05:13

Has he got access to your house when you are not there? If he is asking you to do something when he is there, he might be getting something while you are distracted so he doesn't have to ask you for it...like paperwork, passport, drivers licence, bank card , savings book...wouldnt trust him at all. Lock it up, put it away! Get yourself lawyered up ASAP and get your childcare arrangements sorted too. Document when he doesn't turn up and the impact on your children and your ability to work when he is a no show. Things won't be quite so easy when the reality of looking after your children becomes a regular thing...although they shouldn't be used as a means of getting at him as tempting as that is. Where is he staying?