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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely distraught

302 replies

Adioss · 03/08/2025 20:09

So, my ex and I split 2 weeks ago and he is already seeing somebody new. We were together for 18 years with 2 children. He said he fell out of love a while ago but it still hurts like hell, the kids have already met the new woman and I am utterly heartbroken

OP posts:
Original poster
Adioss · 14/08/2025 11:40

Washingupdone · 14/08/2025 10:54

Please see a solicitor. Your DC are worth more than half of your house. It is their home and their future you are giving him.

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It’s not anything to do with money, I can’t be there

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cleo333 · 14/08/2025 19:22

You sound so much stronger , well done you . Do fight for what is yours and your children’s though , he doesn’t deserve it at all .
My ex did a very similiar thing but with added violence after drinking . I was utterly broken and devastated , I cried for a long long time .

however with my amazing friends support ( no family support ) I got more and more sorted and actually lived alone very well with my children ( he left them in the end too ) . I went back to college , then uni as did my children . Now I live with my partner who is loving , caring and utterly supportive and my children adore him - there is life after this I promise you

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 15/08/2025 09:55

Totally understandable. I think it’s really positive that you’ve made the decision to protect your mental health in this way. I hope the house sale goes through quickly and you can get on with your life. Be aware that the longer it drags out, the greater the chance his new relationship will go wrong and he’ll try to come crawling back, and will then decide to try to delay the sale and other tactics to stop you moving on. Ideally you want to get the house and divorce dealt with while he still thinks it what he wants. This is not a nice man, he could decide to make things difficult for you just for the sake of it. The sooner you get the paperwork done the more cooperative he will be I think.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 15/08/2025 20:16

Adioss · 14/08/2025 10:11

How do you feel about them now?

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I don't feel anything really. I never see them. I hope he's found a bit of peace as he was always rather troubled. My friends tell me things from time to time about what he is up to. They didn't last long and he has been single a lot of the time from the sounds of it. It was more than 10 years ago. I have a lovely partner now and I never would have found him if it wasn't for what they did. Every cloud has a silver lining I truly believe that.

Original poster
Adioss · 15/08/2025 22:29

My daughter told me tonight that his new girlfriend got him a pillow with her face on it so that he can never be without her 🤢

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Feliciacat · 16/08/2025 06:10

Eww that’s gross. That’s also pretty self-centred; I’m married but I’d think it was a bit much to get my husband one of those. It smacks of co-dependence.

Original poster
Adioss · 16/08/2025 08:02

Feliciacat · 16/08/2025 06:10

Eww that’s gross. That’s also pretty self-centred; I’m married but I’d think it was a bit much to get my husband one of those. It smacks of co-dependence.

I mean, it’s not something you get a new partner is it?

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ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 16/08/2025 09:34

Adioss · 15/08/2025 22:29

My daughter told me tonight that his new girlfriend got him a pillow with her face on it so that he can never be without her 🤢

Well that’s just laughable! I don’t imagine any man is going to enjoy that for long, she sounds overwhelming. Have you made any steps towards a divorce? I have a feeling he’ll be back in the marital home before long and it will be difficult to force him to sell. The market drops off around Christmas, in an ideal world it would be sold before then.

KawasakiBabe · 16/08/2025 13:35

Adioss · 15/08/2025 22:29

My daughter told me tonight that his new girlfriend got him a pillow with her face on it so that he can never be without her 🤢

Oh my fucking word, that level of tweeness would grate on me very quickly 🤮. Some men have their heads turned when faced with that level of neediness, makes them feel important, but they get sick of it very quickly.

Sweeping statement but… i find men who have affairs go for women they’d never have considered for a moment when they were single. And that’s why so many fail. Obviously no qualifications on this subject, lol

Original poster
Adioss · 16/08/2025 16:38

KawasakiBabe · 16/08/2025 13:35

Oh my fucking word, that level of tweeness would grate on me very quickly 🤮. Some men have their heads turned when faced with that level of neediness, makes them feel important, but they get sick of it very quickly.

Sweeping statement but… i find men who have affairs go for women they’d never have considered for a moment when they were single. And that’s why so many fail. Obviously no qualifications on this subject, lol

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hmmm makes no sense to cheat on the woman you wanted initially but that’s men, probably something I’ll never understand, I’m trying not to generalise just bitter at the minute I know they aren’t all the same really.

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Original poster
Adioss · 16/08/2025 16:38

KawasakiBabe · 16/08/2025 13:35

Oh my fucking word, that level of tweeness would grate on me very quickly 🤮. Some men have their heads turned when faced with that level of neediness, makes them feel important, but they get sick of it very quickly.

Sweeping statement but… i find men who have affairs go for women they’d never have considered for a moment when they were single. And that’s why so many fail. Obviously no qualifications on this subject, lol

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hmmm makes no sense to cheat on the woman you wanted initially but that’s men, probably something I’ll never understand, I’m trying not to generalise just bitter at the minute I know they aren’t all the same really.

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Original poster
Adioss · 17/08/2025 10:15

He was an hour late this morning, then said why are you ringing my phone I don’t want you to call me. So childish

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ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 17/08/2025 10:38

I think in his head you calling him means you’re chasing after him and want his attention or even want him back. He’s too arrogant to think that actually you have a life that is carrying on without him and him being late is messing you around. Stay calm and just ignore his pettiness. You’re sounding stronger by the day. There’s a noticeable difference in tone between your first post and your more recent ones. You can do this, you are doing this, you’re going to be okay.

Original poster
Adioss · 17/08/2025 10:44

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 17/08/2025 10:38

I think in his head you calling him means you’re chasing after him and want his attention or even want him back. He’s too arrogant to think that actually you have a life that is carrying on without him and him being late is messing you around. Stay calm and just ignore his pettiness. You’re sounding stronger by the day. There’s a noticeable difference in tone between your first post and your more recent ones. You can do this, you are doing this, you’re going to be okay.

Thank you, this thread is helping me so much, even if I don’t get a reply!

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Original poster
Adioss · 17/08/2025 10:46

Feels so good to just rant and nobody knows who I am

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Original poster
Adioss · 17/08/2025 10:52

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 17/08/2025 10:38

I think in his head you calling him means you’re chasing after him and want his attention or even want him back. He’s too arrogant to think that actually you have a life that is carrying on without him and him being late is messing you around. Stay calm and just ignore his pettiness. You’re sounding stronger by the day. There’s a noticeable difference in tone between your first post and your more recent ones. You can do this, you are doing this, you’re going to be okay.

Why did he have to put that in there that he doesn’t want me to call him, I don’t want to call him but I don’t tell him that.

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Iwasneverafan · 17/08/2025 11:03

….. well maybe you should
find your roar OP
“… if you’d turned up on time I wouldn’t be calling you. I do have a life outside of waiting around for you, so be mindful of that if you’re half an hour late next time … we won’t be here you fucktard”

Enrichetta · 17/08/2025 11:12

I agree with the above - if he is late, go out and do your own thing.

Original poster
Adioss · 17/08/2025 11:13

Even the kids said I bet daddy is late again when they woke up. I would much rather he just turned up on time and not have to call him at all. If he was so desperate for me not to call he would just turn up.

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ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 17/08/2025 11:13

Adioss · 17/08/2025 10:52

Why did he have to put that in there that he doesn’t want me to call him, I don’t want to call him but I don’t tell him that.

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He’s still playing games, trying to tell you what you can and can’t do, he thinks he’s in control of the whole situation. Please tell me you’re quietly sorting out your finances behind his back. He doesn’t need to know anything, but you need to make sure you are properly protected before he decides it’s no longer in his interests to give you an easy divorce. It might be worth asking admin to move this thread to the relationships board, you might get more useful advice there.

JMSA · 17/08/2025 11:14

Helpmeplease2025 · 03/08/2025 20:10

He clearly met her a lot longer than 2 weeks ago.

You're well rid.

100% this.
I’m so sorry, OP.

Original poster
Adioss · 17/08/2025 11:25

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 17/08/2025 11:13

He’s still playing games, trying to tell you what you can and can’t do, he thinks he’s in control of the whole situation. Please tell me you’re quietly sorting out your finances behind his back. He doesn’t need to know anything, but you need to make sure you are properly protected before he decides it’s no longer in his interests to give you an easy divorce. It might be worth asking admin to move this thread to the relationships board, you might get more useful advice there.

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I’m sorting all the financial stuff out don’t worry, my best friend is a lawyer so it’s very handy!

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Iwasneverafan · 17/08/2025 11:25

Don’t call him again unless it’s an absolute emergency.
Next time he is 15 minutes late message him to say if he isn’t there in 5 minutes you’re all going out.
if he doesn’t it again …. Just go out - he can’t say he wasn’t warned .
You owe him nothing, least of al to be reasonable.

Original poster
Adioss · 17/08/2025 11:26

Iwasneverafan · 17/08/2025 11:25

Don’t call him again unless it’s an absolute emergency.
Next time he is 15 minutes late message him to say if he isn’t there in 5 minutes you’re all going out.
if he doesn’t it again …. Just go out - he can’t say he wasn’t warned .
You owe him nothing, least of al to be reasonable.

I can’t go out as I’m working, he knows it too.

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Original poster
Adioss · 17/08/2025 11:31

I honestly don’t think he would be bothered if we went out anyway, I think we would be doing him a favour

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