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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think private schools are more about parental ego than children’s education?

243 replies

ForPlainAmberFox · 03/08/2025 18:29

Yes, they may get results. But isn’t a huge part of private schooling about parents wanting the status symbol of saying their child goes there? AIBU to think it’s more about ego than learning?

OP posts:
Drfosters · 03/08/2025 22:38

orangesista · 03/08/2025 22:34

Networking & making contacts (for children and parents) seems to be a large part of the appeal

I’ve heard this- can someone tell me how to do this? I can count the amount of times I have met other parents at my children’s secondary school on one hand and I have no idea what they do. Where does this networking happen? I’m at work all day- Is there a secret networking society I have been excluded from? Secret handshakes?

as for children networking. I went private. I am in contract closely with 4 people from school. 2 teachers, one in mid level marketing, and one accountant. I’m hoping one day this will lead me to riches…

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/08/2025 22:41

ForPlainAmberFox · 03/08/2025 18:55

You’re kind of proving my point - those perks are part of the status appeal. I’m not denying private schools offer advantages. I’m questioning the motivation behind the choice, especially when it becomes a brag rather than a fit for the child.

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But why are you 'questioning the motivation'? Why does it bother you what other parents do?

NaicePeachJoker · 03/08/2025 22:43

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/08/2025 22:41

But why are you 'questioning the motivation'? Why does it bother you what other parents do?

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Envy.

Blinky21 · 03/08/2025 22:44

Yes my partner's sister went to quite a well known one, she got average exam results, for her parents it was all about social climbing. And it worked because she now has a great job, despite her lack of qualifications, through a family friend

pennypans · 03/08/2025 22:44

But why are you 'questioning the motivation'? Why does it bother you what other parents do?

I don't understand responses like this as you could say the above to virtually every thread on here! I mean why does it bother you that the OP is questioning?

Hoppinggreen · 03/08/2025 22:44

orangesista · 03/08/2025 22:34

Networking & making contacts (for children and parents) seems to be a large part of the appeal

Well we fucked that bit up then

Drfosters · 03/08/2025 22:45

Blinky21 · 03/08/2025 22:44

Yes my partner's sister went to quite a well known one, she got average exam results, for her parents it was all about social climbing. And it worked because she now has a great job, despite her lack of qualifications, through a family friend

But if it is a family friend- what has that got to do with the school?

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 03/08/2025 22:45

Meh - crap thread

Blinky21 · 03/08/2025 22:46

Drfosters · 03/08/2025 22:45

But if it is a family friend- what has that got to do with the school?

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The network they built through her being at the school and moving in the 'right' circles.

Drfosters · 03/08/2025 22:51

Blinky21 · 03/08/2025 22:46

The network they built through her being at the school and moving in the 'right' circles.

Show quote history

I’m clearly doing something seriously wrong with my children at their school then. I surely can’t be the only one who barely knows a single other parents?. I mean, I’ve had nice chats on the side of the playing friends and made small talk at the odd concert but I can barely name anyone! Everyone seems to just be working professionals, much the same as at my local comp. We don’t socialise - who has time when they work full time? I barely see my close friends as it is.

Cantspeakwontspeak · 03/08/2025 23:00

I cried after my daughter’s first parents evening at her private school because I was so bloody relieved they could see the child that I see. On her previous state school she was completely lost in a class of 33 and because she is really well behaved she just got totally ignored. She is now thriving and achieving things I didn’t believe was possible and she is confident and so unbelievably comfortable in her own skin. As for the kids being ‘thick as mince’ the average a level grade is an A so I don’t think so - it is an academically selective school though.
I like I assume most parents just does the best they can for their children - bragging rights just wouldn’t even occur to me - so strange

Bananafofana · 03/08/2025 23:03

Wow, I really missed the boat with all the networking too : yes the parents i see once a term at concerts are nice but I’m sure they would be at the comp too, but 15 years in and I’ve yet to score a job for me or a cushy internship for dc. I’d better tell dh he messed up on the networking too as he went to (the same) private school and his mates are all teachers or similar : no one throwing multi million pound deals his way.

I go out of my way to not mention where dc go to school (dc2 helped someone with a bus timetable and directions the other weekend, was complimented and asked what school they went to - dc2 lied and named the local comp as too embarrassed to name a private school (because of people holding mad misconceptions like the op)).

if I really wanted an ego boost I’d spend the £60k post tax income that we spend on fees on clothes and jewellery and a fancy car lease. Much more straightforward!

Cantspeakwontspeak · 03/08/2025 23:05

As another poster said I think this is a classic case of projection - OP you would like to send your kids to private school so you could brag about it - says more about you than anything else.
private schools vary greatly - my daughters is an inner city private school extremely ethnically diverse (60-70% ish not white) and also economically diverse so that’s also bollocks

Summerlovin40 · 03/08/2025 23:06

Would you say that about private health care as well?🙈

Cantspeakwontspeak · 03/08/2025 23:08

Oh and we also have private healthcare and private security - who I trust to come before the police would ever make it if needed - funnily enough I don’t even consider those things to brag about either - just pay a shit load in tax and then pay again

LucasBall23 · 03/08/2025 23:09

I don't think you really understand what an ego boost is.

HostaCentral · 03/08/2025 23:10

I don't think OP knows much about the many hundreds of unknown but fantastic private schools. No point bragging, no-ones ever heard of them, but they do a good job, and the children are generally happy.

Do you mean "public" schools perhaps??

TheaBrandt1 · 03/08/2025 23:12

Not sure the networking thing is as relevant these day I only know about law firms they are painfully right on with recruitment no way would you get a training contract that way now.

FunnysInLaJardin · 03/08/2025 23:13

Yanbu private parents just love to say where their child is schooled

bigbum7 · 03/08/2025 23:18

ForPlainAmberFox · 03/08/2025 18:55

You’re kind of proving my point - those perks are part of the status appeal. I’m not denying private schools offer advantages. I’m questioning the motivation behind the choice, especially when it becomes a brag rather than a fit for the child.

Show quote history

Oh bore off will you. Parents choose indies for many different reasons and who on earth are they bragging to? The other parents whose children attend the same school, family members, neighbours, the clerk at the local post office?
How can anyone wanting to do what’s best for their child a show of ego?

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/08/2025 23:20

The OP isn't just 'questioning' though. A genuine question would be: 'Can I ask what the pros/cons are of private school vs state school?'

However asking 'Isn’t a huge part of private schooling about parents wanting the status symbol of saying their child goes there? AIBU to think it’s more about ego than learning?' is, IMO, just being judgmental and deliberately goady for seemingly no real reason.
It's inverse snobbery at it's finest, which is something I really cannot stand.

Inthemidnighthr · 03/08/2025 23:21

Well you would hate us. 3 kids at public school with all the trimmings..

As it goes though, I will take our kids getting decent results, great connections and being able to find their niche through excellent personalised education and extra curricular activities in exchange for you thinking I am ego driven.

Illegally18 · 03/08/2025 23:25

ForPlainAmberFox · 03/08/2025 18:29

Yes, they may get results. But isn’t a huge part of private schooling about parents wanting the status symbol of saying their child goes there? AIBU to think it’s more about ego than learning?

oh god, here we go again.

Drfosters · 03/08/2025 23:27

FunnysInLaJardin · 03/08/2025 23:13

Yanbu private parents just love to say where their child is schooled

My postman is fed up with me constantly telling him… he’s like ‘I know’ and I’m like but aren’t I amazing and he just rolls his eyes. Rude.

totalwinwin · 03/08/2025 23:32

My 9 year old did not know how to multiply double digit numbers by 10 at the beginning of the summer holidays. (He does now, I've taught him.) He wrote one piece of imaginative prose in his P4 year. But he did witness his classroom get trashed, his best friend get kicked in the face unprovoked and many more incidents than I can be bothered to write out at this time of night.

He's moving to a private school for the new term. Nothing to do with my ego. Everything to do with DH and me wanting him to learn something academic, and not just how to not antagonise the violent kid in his class...