To think the cafe staff should have given the money to this homeless man?

[Eastie77Returns]

I went to a cafe earlier today. There was a man outside who regularly sits with a sign stating he is homeless and asking for money. At one point a man came in, handed a member of the cafe staff a £20 note and left. It turned out he had given the staff this money to buy a meal for the homeless man who subsequently came into the cafe and ordered some food and drink. It was clearly a regular occurrence as the staff member automatically knew to charge the bill to the £20. When she had rung everything up she handed the man his meal and he asked for his change. She refused and said “No, the money is only to be used for food here. You know this. If you want to use any of the change you can order something else tomorrow”

The homeless man became angry and shouted that he wanted his money. The whole episode escalated and he began banging a table. A male member of staff eventually escorted/pushed him outside.

AIBU to think the cafe should have just given him the money??

But you're not. So it doesn't matter what you would've done.

You have full autonomy over your own charitable decisions and every right to go and give £7, £20 or any other sum of your money to a homeless person to spend as they see fit.

There are restaurants here who accept money like that. Here, the money is specifically for meals. So the money doesn't belong to the person that comes in and has the meal, the leftover goes into the account in case someone else comes in and needs a meal. So if the meal cost $10 and somebody had donated $20 that's two meals for two people. Presumably if the man had wanted him to have the money he would have just given him the money right?

You are very naive OP.

I have worked with homeless people. If this generous man has clearly made this arrangement before he probably knows more about the man than you.

And staff at work started supporting some homeless people who were begging by our tube station. Before long we had human shit and drug paraphernalia in our entrance every morning. Staff called the local homeless team who came and said they knew the couple, that they had a hostel room and a key worker over the other side of London but were in our area because that is where their dealer was. And they preferred to sleep in our doorway close to their drug supply.

Isnt this blindingly obvious?!? Like 3 year old comprehension kind of levels.
the man had £20. It is him who decides what to do with his £20. The fact that he gave it to the cafe rather than the man himself is because it was food for the homeless man. If he’s wanted to give £20 to the man so he could buy what he wished with it, he would have done that. But he didn’t.

From what you have written this is a regular occurrence so I'm willing to bet the cafe worker and the donor have an agreement (which is probably what the note was all about) and know more about this situation than you, so perhaps mind your business? Perhaps a relative making sure he eats but doesn't waste on things he does need (I won't dare mention alcohol or drugs because you're getting your knickers in twist about that). You're clearly trying to make it sound like the cafe was stealing money from a homeless bloke.

Did you offer the chap any money by any chance?

The man should have bought the food for the homeless person himself. It’s unreasonable for him to expect cafe staff to put up with a violent homeless person with a volatile personality. There’s a reason he doesn't have money of his own.

If it’s a known agreement between the donator and the cafe to feed the homeless man then the staff acted correctly. As they said he can come back tomorrow for some more food

Of course most are addicts, how else can they deal with their situation? That doesn’t mean we should strip them of dignity and autonomy.

Sorry OP. You are being naive. Having volunteered for a homeless charity in the past and seeing what goes on. The cafe did the right thing!
He was clearly known to them from what you have written.
They offered him more food you said with the change which he could use the same or later date.

You're being naive OP. Countless homeless charities recommend against giving cash for a variety of extremely good reasons. The general consensus is to either use the StreetLink alert and/or to "pay forward". In other words do exactly what this bloke did and pay a cafe or whatever to give the homeless person a meal. The change didn't "belong" to the homeless man. The money was intended to buy food/a hot drink and the staff said he could have the remaining £7 worth tomorrow. Homeless people often have a range of mental health issues, trauma, addictions and anti social behaviours and there are safety aspects to consider when engaging with them. It's actually very good of the cafe to come to this arrangement. There are many establishments that would refuse point blank for this very reason. I think you'll find the donor and the cafe staff are better informed of the situation than you are.

To the posters who keep repeating I’m naive..I’m really not. I grew up in East London and have seen a lot of homelessness, poverty etc.

I am not discounting the fact the money could have been used on drink or drugs. Most people on this thread are however 100% certain that it would have which is baffling to me. No-one, including me, has any idea how and why this man has ended up where he is.

YABU it was never his money. They clearly know this man, as does the donor. The cafe sound amazing for dealing with this, especially when he kicks off.

It wasn’t his money- it’s now the cafe’s. Somebody has very kindly put money behind the counter for food/drink whatever for him so that he can get something to eat & drink, but it’s not his money. If that person wanted him to have the money then he would have handed the £20 note directly to the man, not to the cafe.

It's really irrelevant what he would have spent the money on anyway. Whether toothbrushes or heroin, it was not his change to demand.

You still refusing to answer the question. Did you give the man any money to buy his purchases from a supermarket?

So, how much did you donate to him to get his Lidl essentials?

No one can say for sure that he would have spent it on drink or drugs, although it's likely. What you seem to be ignoring is all the people who are pointing out to you that it was up to the man who donated the money (who I suspect is a relative of the homeless man) what he wants to do with his £20. He has agreed with the cafe to set up a tab with them that the homeless man can use for food and drink. It would be wrong of them to give the homeless man the change as it's not his change, it's money on a tab for a specific purpose. How much money did you donate to him?

Yabu. If the man had wanted to give the man the whole £20 to spend money in lidl or whatever, he would have just given the homeless man the £20 cash.

The way the man gave the cafe the £20 sounds like an arrangement...the homeless man gets to have a meal in the cafe and the cafe benefits from the money being spent there over however many meals the man wants

The original man gave the cafe the £20, not the homeless man therefore it was up to them how they "spend " it as long as the man gets the meal

Absolutely this 👆

It’s IRRELEVANT!!!

bangs head against wall.

the £20 was given FOR CAFE FOOD ONLY. That was the original owner of the £20s decision.

You could have given him cash to spend in Lidl then. 🙄

Clearly they are aware of information you’re not privy to. Or, as a lot of us say, we’re happy to buy food and necessities for someone begging, but not give them cash. The problem is, we don’t know if the money we give will go on alcohol or drugs, so we would be enabling an addiction if we give money. I go past a Greggs on my way into the office once a month, and I buy the guy begging outside, a sausage roll and coffee. He seems grateful, but tbh if he asked for cash, it would be a straight decline.

Most long term homeless people are there because of mental illness or addiction i.e. alcohol/drugs. The guy didn't give the money directly to the homeless man for this reason, choosing to provide food/drink only. The credit is still there to be taken another time.

@Eastie77Returns "To the posters who keep repeating I’m naive..I’m really not. I grew up in East London and have seen a lot of homelessness, poverty etc."

I'm sure you have seen a lot of homelessness but that's not the same as living it and/or understanding the complex issues around it. Some of us on this thread have worked with the homeless and we can absolutely assure you that giving cash is considered very unwise. The change did not belong to the homeless man, it was intended to buy food. He was told he could have the remaining value in food tomorrow. If the donor had wanted him to have £20 cash, he would've simply given him a £20 note wouldn't he?

It’s not a leap at all. The man who came in with the £20 clearly knows who this man is, and knows it is unwise to give him £20. The man may even know him personally - it could be a brother or uncle and this could be a long standing arrangement with the cafe - e.g. he brings down £20 a week so at least he knows the homeless guy is getting a semi decent meal a few times a week.

Nobody would treat someone else like that unless it was the only option. It’s clearly a long-standing relationship with the cafe because the server knew what to do, and how to handle his temper - the shouting and yelling wasn’t the first time it had happened. If he’s sitting outside a cafe begging the chances are he doesn’t want the money so he can go to Lidl to stock up on pasta and toilet roll.

You’re looking at this through the lens of privilege. Sometimes people have to do things they don’t want to do to protect themselves and others. If there was a better option they’d likely have done it by now.