To think the cafe staff should have given the money to this homeless man?

[Eastie77Returns]

I went to a cafe earlier today. There was a man outside who regularly sits with a sign stating he is homeless and asking for money. At one point a man came in, handed a member of the cafe staff a £20 note and left. It turned out he had given the staff this money to buy a meal for the homeless man who subsequently came into the cafe and ordered some food and drink. It was clearly a regular occurrence as the staff member automatically knew to charge the bill to the £20. When she had rung everything up she handed the man his meal and he asked for his change. She refused and said “No, the money is only to be used for food here. You know this. If you want to use any of the change you can order something else tomorrow”

The homeless man became angry and shouted that he wanted his money. The whole episode escalated and he began banging a table. A male member of staff eventually escorted/pushed him outside.

AIBU to think the cafe should have just given him the money??

So why don't you donate yourself then and tell the cafe he is to get the change from what you donate once he has had a meal?
You weren't the donor and the person that was obviously thinks differently about ut than you do. To be honest most people can see why giving hom moneybisnt a good idea. Homeless charities actively discourage the giving of cash direct.

But your not the donor and the actual donor didn't want him to have the change ,if you wanted him to have change you could have given him some of your change.

But if the donor really wanted him to have the money he would have just given the man the £20 note.

The money was given to the Cafe to pay for meals. The change did not belong to the homeless man.

Op you are crying out saying we are making assumptions

yet there YOU are assuming he’s homeless! He might be living at an Ap in which case there will be conditions to be met. Any alcohol/drug use is likely to get him in further trouble. And if he’s on any kind of substance programme it could actually kill him

do you know this? Are you aware? Street savvy? No. No you aren’t

Did you give him any money?

You sound a bit naive OP.

The man could have given the money directly to the homeless man but didn’t. The cafe staff said he knew the money was to be used on food there, so the homeless man knew the situation to start with.

if this homeless man wasn’t on drugs or drink, he would be the exception not the rule. It’s a fair assumption to make.

I dare say he’d have spent it on booze or dope, but I don’t suppose he enjoys many other pleasures.

I remember once reading about the homeless man who was sitting outside a police station on Christmas Day. They took him out an entire Christmas Dinner on a tray, plus a packet of fags. It’d be all too easy for the piously virtuous to say, no they certainly wouldn’t be giving him anything so unhealthy.

There but for the grace of God, and all that…

I have always stopped to help homeless people in distress and I often ask if they want food or drink (not alcohol). Very few of them do but they always want money. I won't have my money spent on drugs and drink no matter what the cause of their addiction. It doesnt stop me helping them, but it takes the piss if people think I go to work to pay to feed someone's destructive habit. This man was out of order taking advantage of the benefactor and the cafes kindness. If I was the owner he'd be banned.

This.
The donor probably gave the cafe staff explicit instructions about how the money was to be used.

How much money did you give the homeless man?

But you weren’t the donor. You didn’t give him anything, but somehow have an opinion on how someone who actually has donated money should have stipulated its use. If the man wanted the money to go directly to the homeless man, he would have given it to him. If you want to donate money to him under your own conditions, go ahead. Do you routinely give £20 to homeless people?

If the same man comes in and gives the cafe staff money for the man outside's food regularly, so that the man who orders food knows the arrangements and so do the café staff, it's very probable that the man paying is a relative of the man he's feeding and knows his history. The money belongs to the man who put it aside to be used for the man who sits outside's meals. If he wanted to give cash directly he would, but instead he sets it aside in the café.

Actually it's incredibly understanding and accommodating of the café and staff to facilitate this, as minimum wage ataff aren't trained or employed to manage this kind of challenging behaviour, which is also likely to be intimidating to some customers and put them off returning.

It's obvious the cafe didn't plan on taking the change for themselves they told him it's for food he can order again tomorrow with the change. They said 'you know this' so obviously the money is only to be spent on food otherwise the man who gave the money would have just given it to the homeless man.
Why is this such an issue

And I actually think it’s very good of the staff to continue to deal with someone who can turn aggressive towards them and have to be escorted out. It can’t be good for their business - £20 every few days or however frequently vs having someone kicking off in the cafe in front of patrons doesn’t seem like a good deal in their favour. It seems like they’re doing the best to do right by him.

The cafe did the right thing legally and morally. If the donor wanted the homeless man to have cash, he would have given him cash.

I doubt it. Street homelessness in the UK is not because people are houseless. They are overwhelmingly addicts. It is a complex issue and they can be very difficult to help them due to this complexity, but I very much doubt that he was planning on spending that money on soap and a meal deal.

I'd just rather buy food for them if that's what they want or give them the money and not judge. I don't GAF if they spend it getting pissed or high, whatever gets them through the day.

The man gave the money to the cafe, not the homeless person. If he wanted him to have autonomy to buy hygiene products from Lidl then he would ahev given it to the homeless man directly.

The donor had essentially set up a tab for him. He still has credit.
Had the donor wanted him to have cash he would have given the cash direct to the man.

If you felt so strongly about it you could have given him your own money to spend on drugs rather than commenting on how to spend someone else’s contribution.

Right ,but that's not what the DONOR wanted.

even Shelter advise not to give cash to the homeless

The donor could have been the man's brother, who goes there every day to make sure his brother has enough to eat no matter what else is going on.

The donor has made a choice not to give the cash to the man. It's not the homeless man's money - it's a tab at the cafe. Maybe he did want to go to Lidl, but Lidl won't accept my Amazon vouchers the same way they won't accept credit from a random cafe as payment.

It was not the homeless man's cash to demand. It was either the donor's or the cafe's.

If I’d been a customer at that cafe today, I’d have been left with a very positive impression at the compassion, generosity, tolerance, warmth and understanding the man had received from the staff and donor.

He was served just like any other customer. Treated respectfully. And expected to behave like any other customer.

You just saw a snapshot of a situation today.

I'm sure the donor and the cafe have a mutual agreement of how the money is to be used

No he shouldn't be given the money.

You can't ask for charity from people, who set down terms, and then override that.

I say this as someone who has been both living on the streets homeless, and in a refuge homeless and relied heavily on people's generosity and charity.

Some people aren't comfortable with their money potentially being spent on drugs or alcohol, and that's absolutely fine. There are charities that I have stopped giving to because I don't agree with how the money is being spent as well.

Personally I will give homeless people cash, if they choose to spend it on something to take the sting out of sleeping rough for a few hours them that's between them and whichever deity they believe in, I know others who absolutely will not give cash at all, and that's their choice.