WIBU to reassure this child that my dog is friendly

[Allelbowsandtoes]

Hi,
This happened earlier today and I've been wondering about whether I was in the wrong or not.

I was walking earlier with my dog (she's s whippet and very lazy, usually either trots along beside me or sniffs things, not boisterous or anything). We were walking in a big local green space where there's always plenty of off lead dogs.

I was on a quiet, wide path in a wooded area. I came near some little girls who were with their mum. When I was about 4-5 metres away I could see one of the girls became very nervous and her mum advised her to stand back from the path and stay calm. My dog wasn't approaching her but was going to walk near her to get by so I called her back (she came immediately, we've trained recall extensively) and put her on the lead. As I was walking past I put as much space between us as possible but said to the little girl "don't worry, she's friendly " just to reassure her. Thd mum snapped at me "just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

Tbh I was a bit pissed off, although I didn't say anything. If my dog had been greeting someone who didn't want to interact then that would have been a fair thing to say, but she was being really good.Then again, the girl was obviously scared and maybe has had bad experiences in he past?

I put my dog on a lead and tend to say ‘it’s ok he’s very gentle’. However I also put myself between ddog and child as he can look quite scary to a child.
Thete are so many people that don’t like dogs and many are instilling a fear of dogs in their children. That is doing them a great disservice.
Unfortunately there are far more untrained dogs and idiot owners than there ever has been in the last few years.

That’s not what I said. I avoid spaces that are clearly meant for children to play because I’m not a fan of being around them screaming, just like people who dislike dogs can avoid dog parks or known off-lead areas.

But parks, woodland, and green spaces are shared. They’re not “dog-free zones” by default, just like they’re not child-free. Expecting every public space to cater to your personal preferences isn’t realistic.

It’s not about forcing people out, it’s about accepting that shared spaces mean sharing. That includes dogs, kids, and adults who don’t love either.

You carry a knife !!!!!! WTAF 😱

You don’t get to dictate that every interaction is a violation.

I do actually. In the same way that I get to say that I don’t want a person touching me in a way I don’t like even if they are just “being friendly”. The dog is an extension of its owner and the owner is responsible for ensuring that it doesn’t bother anyone…and yes that includes interactions you may think of as “minor” - a dog’s wet nose on my white trousers? Gross and now they are dirty. Etc etc

Sorry, to be more specific... if they were to kick out at your dog, throw something towards your dog etc. In which case the nicest dog may react aggressively or get hurt.

I choose to avoid putting my dogs in that situation. It isn't hard to train a dog to return to you when others are around. Doing so keeps your dog safer and reduces stress for other people. I can't see a downside, sorry.

What point did the other woman make? OP wasn’t trying to get her dog to say hello to the girl.

Yes, same for my child.

Sounds like the woman was practising that line just waiting for an opportunity to say it.

Or she’s said it so often she didn’t even bother to acknowledge that you proactively put your dog in a leash and stayed away from them.

It’s just not worth interacting with people anymore, so many look to get annoyed.

Not too long ago I was plodding along on my horse down a Bridleway. A couple of walkers came towards me and the woman absolutely freaked out, pressing herself into a bush covering her eyes and hyperventilating, seemingly completely shocked that she had encountered a horse on a clearly marked and well used Bridleway 😂 she also scared the crap out of my poor horse who was perplexed as to why a human was hiding in a bush shrieking at her. So bizarre.

Slightly off topic but just shows how nuts some people are when it comes to animals. I am a dog owner, I won't ever take them into places they are not allowed, kids parks, dog free beaches etc. I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't even take them to playing fields and dog parks as it's too busy with kids and other dogs for them to be able to relax and have fun. But I will walk them in woods and other appropriate places around the countryside because it's totally normal and acceptable to the majority of people who are not ridiculous over dramatic idiots. If your child is scared of dogs I sympathise, I'd never force my dog upon them and will always read the room and recall my dog if I see children. But to say that you can't walk your dog anywhere except a secure gated dog pen just in case someone might be scared is completely ludicrous.
I keep horses on a farm close to a popular holiday park. The amount of times we have had to speak to families letting their feral children climb the fences and chase the sheep, kicking balls at them, or coming onto private land to stroke and feed the horses this summer alone is huge, and the parents telling us "they are just being kids, they never get to see sheep, they love horse, they aren't doing any harm" etc etc. Believe me it is not only dog owners who need reminding about respect!

You're absolutely entitled to personal boundaries, no one’s saying otherwise. If you don’t want a dog touching you, that’s valid. But saying every single dog interaction is a violation, no matter how minor, isn’t about boundaries anymore.

Dogs are part of public life. A brief brush, a sniff, or a nudge, while annoying, isn’t on the same level as unwanted human contact. It’s not assault, it’s a moment in shared space. If a dog jumps up or causes damage, that’s different and good owners should deal with it.

But treating all contact as unacceptable turns reasonable co-existence into hostility. Public spaces require a bit of tolerance for dogs, kids, cyclists, runners, skateboarders, the lot. That goes both ways and quite honestly, you sound quite uptight and stressed, so maybe learning to let go of what is, very minor interactions will help your health. Not to mention maybe letting go of the white trousers, they just scream Rod Stewart in the 80's era.

OK, thanks. Your earlier post read as though you were saying "if I'm scared then it's tough tit if I decide to attack your dog and the law agrees with me" but I see now that wasn't what you meant

I'm definitely not seeing a downside to people keeping their dogs under control - if only they all did, it would be better for everyone!

There are definitely some people who are bananas on here
Carrying a knife???? It’s illegal to do so and recently an allotment owner , walking home with his gardening tools and veg he had grown had his tools confiscated by the police and given a caution. He’s worried this will show on his next DBS.
Dogs are massively important in many peoples lives and actually I think most are reasonably under control. To all those who think they should only be off lead in secure fenced areas, frankly you are selfish and narrow minded. If you create a fear and dislike of dogs in your children you are even more so.
In the UK we have a long history of dog ownership for companionship and for working. If that changes through a growing minority of dog haters I hope I’m dead by then.
Give your heads a wobble.

No, you sound entitled. Wanting people to walk out in the road in front of cars because they have a dog. I am not going to risk mine or my dog's life, thanks.

Walking past someone is not interfering. My dog wont even sniff you. She just does not care.

It is not, and PP is taking that line out of context. If it was reported, then no action would be taken.

A dog that is just minding its own business is not dangerously out of control. Someone who is dog phobic could be scared of a dog that is in a dog pram. That does not mean the dog is dangerously out of control, and their phobia does not get to dictate that innocent dogs are dangerous.

The hardest thing about dog training was trying to get the owners to understand why things were important.

Examples:

the first command you should teach, before recall, before sit / lay down is leave. You should be drilling that into your dog from the second you have them. If your dog isn't willing to drop its favourite treat when you say so it hasn't cleared it. This keeps people safe and also keeps your dog safe when they find something they want to eat but shouldn't.

Don't teach your dog paw, it encourages them to swipe and children are lower than adults so can be very hurt. Your dog will be the one that suffers if it injures a child / anyone.

Recall is not a skill that you do and leave. It is reinforced constantly in every environment. Your dog should be turning back from chasing its favourite ball the second it hears the command. Anything less and your dog is not recall trained.

Your dog is a dog. Love it like a child (I do with mine) but don't ever forget that they are a dog and in order to keep them safe you have to maintain boundaries.

I mentioned previously that I was a dog walkers/ trainer. I lost my business, am now permanently in pain, i have nerve damage, damage to 2 discs in my spine and am unable to work. I now need often can't walk without a stick, can't hold my head up all day and have at times been suicidal. That's from one incident. In others the dogs I were walking have been bitten, locked in a 'friendly' dogs jaws and shaken, had male intact dogs try to mount them.

I love dogs. Mostly prefer them to people if I'm honest. I hate that so many owners let their dogs down.

“reasonably under control” is not good enough.
I don’t want your dog anywhere near me, and that includes coming up to sniff me. It’s invasion of my personal space.

Depends on your interpretation of reasonable. My dog is very well trained and walks to heel but I will always grab his collar or put his lead on. He never ever jumps up people and has absolutely no interest in licking anyone or stealing their food. I understand that his breed and size can make some people wary but he gets lots of admiration for his looks and manner.
Actually if he walks to heel and ignores you then even without a lead his and my behaviour are reasonable.
At a country park the other day, lots of children. My dog sat at my feet on his lead. I was actually quite surprised at children playing football and walking/running by very close to his big head and big teeth. I would have advised my own children to give more distance so as not to startle the dog. My dog did not bat an eyelid. So I don’t give a stuff about your feelings. I will continue to take my dog anywhere he is allowed.

Thats totally understandable. Somebodies dog should never be able to be in contact with another person (or dog) unless it has been agreed by both parties (and the dog!).
I always keep mine close on pavements so the other person has half the pavement, or if its someone with a buggy/multiple people I will try and step out of the way somehow.

As for the OP I think its possible for that phrase 'he/she is friendly' to be taken a variety of ways. Sometimes its said by idiots with out of control dogs because they dont know what polite dog behaviour looks like.
Sometimes its said passive aggressively when somebody takes offense at someone else being scared or nervous of their dog. This has happened to me when I moved my little toy breed away from a bully. It was because my dog was aggressive but they still took it as me being scared of their dog!

Not your fault, and I can totally see you were trying to come from a good place. But "don't worry, he's friendly" is what pretty much every dog owner says in response to someone who obviously isn't keen on dogs.

If the mum is having to tell the DD to "stay calm", I'd take that to mean she's had a lot of issue with dogs in the past.

You absolutely didn't do anything wrong, but I don't especially think the mum was in the wrong either.
If it's her child vs a stranger and a strange dog, she's obviously going to speak up for her daughter.

Don't give it any more thought.

When you have an autism assessment one of the questions they ask is are you afraid of dogs. People who are autistic can tend to like predictable and dogs are not predictable.

I have lost track of the number of dog owners who walk their dogs past my children and try and say don’t worry their dogs are friendly. Their dogs are literally the same height as my kids or even if they are half my kids body size - it’s still frightening for them. Their mouths all drooly from their walk - you can see their large teeth at the kids head height.

you’ve not done anything wrong as such but imagine you are the height of a small child looking into the mouth of a strange dog - I would just let them decide when they want to be ok with dogs

What’s wrong with a few reassuring words? Has society lost its mind? Basically op was met with aggression in a verbal form for just trying to be reassuring and nice. And that’s after she and her dog had done everything right.
plus we have at least one person on here gripping a KNIFE as she walks the streets. I’m sorry but the only aggression being displayed on this thread is by people.

weird
yes I’m a dog owner, and yes he’s brilliantly trained. But I haven’t always been a dog owner. When the children were young we didn’t have a dog. Yet somehow I managed to go through life without being passive aggressive or toting a knife along with the changing bag.
these threads always descend into madness

I can see you've already acknowledged this, but as PP's say, "friendly" is not something that people who are afraid of dogs want to hear. "Friendly" might mean licking, putting muddy paws on your clothes or otherwise excitable behaviour.

Also, parents don't necessarily want their kids approaching any dog because a stranger says he/she is friendly. Almost everyone THINKS their dog is friendly and wouldn't hurt a fly- you hear it every time an XL Bully kills someone, about how soft and lovely the owner believed their dog was.

DD did a dog safety course at school and they told her what she already knows- don't approach a strange dog. She will occasionally pat a calm dog sitting or standing with an owner after being told it's OK to stroke them and seeing an adult do the same. One bounding towards her in a park, no chance.

I’m a dog owner. My dog is very well trained but I put her back on the lead whenever we need to pass anyone, particularly children. They can have sudden movements or approach the dog unexpectedly and my dog can be nervous around them.
It’s the summer holidays here and so many very small children run up to my dog. She’s a mid sized Labrador. Friendly but could knock them over very easily.

To people who dislike or fear dogs, “friendly” is the opposite of “reassuring words”. ‘Friendly’ is usually used as an excuse by the owner when their dog comes up to you, licks you, jumps up on you etc etc.

Well, as I discovered last week a lot of people are very interested in my dog. The little malnourished flea ridden scrap of a puppy that went into rescue last year and I was fortunate enough to rehome has turned into a real beauty, like a tiny curly coated teddy with a huge fluffy tail. On holiday last week he was constantly photographed and admired but lots of children would wander over and try to pick him up, make silly noises or crowd around him, making him quite frightened. This happened when we were queuing to get into places and on a boat trip. Children need to be trained to be kind to dogs too!