WIBU to reassure this child that my dog is friendly

[Allelbowsandtoes]

Hi,
This happened earlier today and I've been wondering about whether I was in the wrong or not.

I was walking earlier with my dog (she's s whippet and very lazy, usually either trots along beside me or sniffs things, not boisterous or anything). We were walking in a big local green space where there's always plenty of off lead dogs.

I was on a quiet, wide path in a wooded area. I came near some little girls who were with their mum. When I was about 4-5 metres away I could see one of the girls became very nervous and her mum advised her to stand back from the path and stay calm. My dog wasn't approaching her but was going to walk near her to get by so I called her back (she came immediately, we've trained recall extensively) and put her on the lead. As I was walking past I put as much space between us as possible but said to the little girl "don't worry, she's friendly " just to reassure her. Thd mum snapped at me "just because she's friendly, doesn't mean my daughter wants to say hello to her".

Tbh I was a bit pissed off, although I didn't say anything. If my dog had been greeting someone who didn't want to interact then that would have been a fair thing to say, but she was being really good.Then again, the girl was obviously scared and maybe has had bad experiences in he past?

So what exactly gives you right of way over the dog owner on the road? Plenty of normal people walk by dog owners with no issue. If you have a problem passing someone, then YOU move out of the way, give a wide birth, or wait for them to go by. If a dog is starting to approach you (why? I highly doubt it given the energy you clearly have), use your words before it gets to you to ask the owner to pull it closer to them. No one's going to go about their day assuming everyone is as negative as you are about dogs because you're in a very small minority.

Dogs have been domesticated with humans for over 20,000 years. You sound unhinged to have such vitriol towards an animal in a worrying way, it's not normal to feel so vicious towards an animal that's pretty oblivious to you.

There are definitely some morons on this thread and they’re not the ones holding dog leads.

“Just don't stand near them? How hard is that?”
Are people just being wilfully obtuse? If I’m stood or sat minding my own business and a dog approaches me then it’s not a case of me choosing to stand near them, is it? Many times I’ve been somewhere where a dog has been in my personal space (ie touching me). I’ve been in that space first- I didn’t choose to go and stand or sit next to a dog 🙄.

What all on its own? With no owner to say ‘I’m sorry but would it be possible to move your dog?’

And then going the rest of your day seething that dogs exist in the world and dare to be allowed breathing room?

What a way to live.

The examples you gave were walking through town, getting on the train, or being in a cafe or pharmacy - all cases where you just don't stand near said dog? Again, if you're regularly being approached by dogs I doubt this. There's many more interesting things for dogs to sniff than an unfriendly person and you consider dogs just existing in a location to be in your way (I mean the suggestion that you shouldn't leave the house because you're so overwhelmed by dogs being on the high street for example 🤨). Dogs being near your vicinity doesn't mean they're approaching you but again, just use your words to the owner if they are? There's no dibs on a standing or seating place, you don't get to choose who else comes to use that place.

No one has ever been approached by more dogs than the people posting now hostile they are to dogs.

“Yes, clearly the only two options are: 1) ban all dogs from public life, or 2) you become a hermit and never leave the house. No middle ground at all”

this was in response to someone who said they avoid soft play so in the same vein I should avoid spaces with dogs. My point was it’s not possible to avoid spaces with dogs in everyday life (unless you become a recluse) because they’re everywhere.

The "we hate dogs" gang on here sound utterly unhinged. Carrying knives, kicking dogs in the ribs, calling them domesticated wolves, it's hilarious! I think you might need some help.

Actually I’m perfectly capable of “using my words” and once got into a full blown argument on a train with a woman who allowed her dog to sit at my feet and I politely asked her to move it because its tail was wagging against my legs. She thought I was unreasonable to object - a mindset typical of many dog owners, I’ve found.
It should be the default for owners not to allow their dogs into other people’s personal space unless the person has clearly indicated they’re ok with it.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

That was shared public space. You have to take some responsibility. Either you sat there second or she sat there when you were already seated. That would be the point to ask ‘would you mind sitting elsewhere?’ Or ‘I’m so sorry, I’ll just move as I’m not a dog fan.’ At least give the owner the chance to react positively to what is your issue.

Not wait until the dog was sat down in the shared space and wait until it wagged its tail to have an argument.

You were unreasonable.

This was in response to someone who said they avoid soft play so in the same vein I should avoid spaces with dogs. My point was it’s not possible to avoid spaces with dogs in everyday life (unless you become a recluse) because they’re everywhere. I wasn’t suggesting avoiding leaving the house, I was saying avoiding dogs is the not the same as avoiding soft play.
I’m very capable of asking people to move their dog away from me, and do so regularly. But I shouldn’t have to, the owners should make sure their dogs keep away from people unless they’re showing an interest.

Nope. What I said was I have a dislike of certain situations, so I manage myself accordingly and don't expect everyone to revolve around me. Your quibbling over semantics.

And that’s exactly the point, dogs are part of everyday life. Just like kids, traffic, noise, or any number of things people don’t love but still have to deal with in shared spaces.

No one’s saying you have to like dogs. But expecting a dog-free world because you dislike them isn’t realistic. The compromise is responsible ownership, on a lead, under control, and respectful. If that’s happening, the rest comes down to managing your expectations, not demanding the world rearrange itself around them.

Absolutely dogs should be kept away from people as in they shouldn't be allowed to paw you, be sniffing at you, jumping up at you etc. Being near you as in as near to you as any other person would be, is a ridiculous request. It's then your responsibility to move yourself away. A dog sitting by their owners feet and therefore next to your or near your foot is really a you problem and if you're so anti dog, you should just move. As I said your in a very tiny minority, usually a dog on a train carriage is like a small celebrity with most people wanting to smile at them or say hello. It's very possible for you to avoid dogs, what you want is for people with dogs to avoid you and they would if they could predict how neurotic you are, they just can't tell.

What you’ve suggested “should” have happened is pretty much exactly what did happen. I was sat there first. She sat down opposite me (on a crowded rush hour train where everyone scrambles for seats and then it’s standing room only). Her sitting there with a dog is not unreasonable in itself (I’m sure you’ll agree) so I didn’t say anything because there was no reason to do so. When I started feeling the dog’s tail regularly moving against my legs I politely asked if she’d be able to move the dog a bit further away so that it wasn’t touching me, but she thought I shouldn’t have a problem with it.

If you're finding yourself in full blown arguments rather than moving yourself, you're the issue. What you were asking was for that dog owner to move seats as presumably with it being a train the dog was near it's owner. She can't move the dog without leaving and she shouldn't have had to, you should have moved.

So if you felt another human’s body part continuously slapping against you, you’d be fine with it?!
I didn’t object to the dog being near me, I objected to its tail slapping against my legs.

A dog unintentionally tapping your legs with it's tail is still a you problem. You should have moved if it bothered you, not asking her to move seats on a crowded space because you're so bothered by a dog unintentionally touching you. You sound really entitled that everyone should adjust themselves to your discomfort at all times.

So her sitting on the train with the dog wasn’t unreasonable, but having them in open public spaces is?

The train being busy isn’t the point. The point is if you’d used the words you’re happy to say BEFORE she sat down the situation wouldn’t have happened. She wasn’t a mind reader.

You were unreasonable.

I wasn’t asking her to move seats, I was asking her to move the dog away enough that I couldn’t feel its tail wagging against me. Not the same thing.
Also it’s impossible to move when there are no seats available.

Which body part? 😂 If it was a person on a train up against me in a way they couldn't help on a crowded train I put up with it or move. If they were slapping a hand or foot against me, then they're in control of that and I'd ask them to stop. A dog on the other hand is sitting by the sounds of it very well behaved and calmly in a pretty stressful situation and is unconsciously moving it's tail near you and you're taking it as some kind of personal offense. It didn't know it was touching you and didn't intend to. It was under control so the owner didn't need to move. You didn't like it so you should have moved your leg away or moved seats.

The poster didn’t ask the person to move - she asked them to move the dog - further back, into their lap, whatever. She shouldn’t have to move because some entitled dog owner thinks it is okay for her dog to be flapping its tail against her leg

Her dog is calm and under control and unconsciously tapping your leg. Move your leg, it's not that hard. That you got in a screaming match over this shows you were being unreasonable. If you don't want anyone touching you at all on busy public transport, how do you cope?

And I think asking someone to drag their dog from where they're calmly sitting or standing on public transport because of some bizarre sensory reaction PP is having is unreasonable. It's not entitled of the dog owner to take transport where their dog is allowed while their dog is under control and well behaved. The PP has the issue where else feels entitled to not be touched by anyone or anything near here so she should move