To stop letting my friend’s child come over because he eats so much?

[GazerJame]

My DS (7) has a friend from school who comes over a couple of times a week after school. He’s a sweet boy, very polite, no behaviour issues or anything like that. The boys get on well and it’s honestly nice for DS to have someone to play with. But I’m really starting to dread the visits because of how much he eats.

It’s not just a biscuit and a drink after school. He’ll have two or three snacks straight away, like fruit, crackers, cereal bars, whatever’s in the cupboard, and then still be asking when tea is. I usually do something like pasta or fish fingers and beans, and without fail he’ll ask for seconds, sometimes thirds. Then pudding. Last week he had three bowls of pasta and then asked if we had any cake.

I wouldn’t think much of it once or twice but it’s every single time. It’s starting to feel like he arrives absolutely starving and I honestly don’t know if he’s just got a big appetite or if they’re sending him here expecting me to feed him properly. I’m not being tight, I really don’t mind giving a child food, but it’s getting expensive and it’s just a lot on top of everything else.

I’m tempted to start saying we can’t do weekday playdates anymore because it’s becoming too much. But then I feel bad because he’s only 7 and it’s not his fault. And I don’t want to make DS miss out either.

AIBU to be fed up with it and want to stop the visits for a while? Or do I just need to suck it up and plan for extra food twice a week? I feel awful even writing this but I’m not sure what the right thing is.

Aw, poor lad - how much can it cost you to feed him twice a week. Maybe he just has a big appetite, or your bowls of pasta are small!

Is he visibly overweight, looking like he has an eating disorder?

He always turns up starving, eats really quickly and doesn’t seem to have had anything since lunch.

If he's coming over twice a week after school, as you say he is, then most kids won't have eaten anything since lunch.

It’s not tricky. You say “no”.

I can’t believe you’d stop the play dates because you can’t say no.

I’d offer cheap but filling things. Peanut butter on toast or crumpet as a snack with a banana. After dinner, if he is still hungry, I would offer pasta or toast.

A cheap pack of bread with break the bank OP. I'd say bread and spread only if he's still hungry after tea

Are your portions particularly small? Maybe he's just used to more pasta than what you're sharing, so asks for more. Or maybe it's habit, he is used to asking for more without thinking of he actually needs it.
If you're serving a normal sized portion, don't be afraid to say No more pasta left, everyone has had their fair share. If you're still hungry you can have a banana, but wait 5 minutes so your dinner has a chance to reach your tummy.

3 plates of pasta plus pudding is nuts for a 7 year old.

Offer what you want to and say no to any further requests. I don’t make enough pasta for a single meal for anyone to be having thirds unless I’m planning leftovers for a second meal the next day.

I remember throwing my lunch away when I was this age because I didn’t like what I’d been given and then being starving after school. It’s possible the mum has no idea.

It’s also possible he might not be eating what’s being offered at home if you’re giving him stuff that’s more like treats (cereal bars etc). I would do as others have suggested and just provide cheap toast. Then talk to the mum and find out how she finds him eating at home. If she’s offering him food and he’s never hungry she might have no idea what’s happening at your house.

I wouldn't do loads of snacks but make some proper doorstep sandwiches when you come in and make sure the pasta is rich with plenty of protein. And just let them serve themselves. I wouldn't care about how much he ate. Either he is a big eater or he's not being fed properly, or he just really enjoys your food, or more than one of the above. Either way it doesn't need to be an expensive problem.

Decency pasta is about £2 for half a kilo. It’s not going to break the bank for most people and really isn’t posh pasta.

I couldn't help but read this post in a very clipped schoolmistress voice 😂

"The child ideally is sent home before dinner." - weird and hilarious 🤣

I haven’t read every single one of the responses but if he’s coming over after school wouldn’t you expect him to be hungry? Have you agreed with his mum to do dinner? No matter how much food I send to school my kids are hungry afterwards. One kid eats a massive amount at dinner, I even get fed up with it, he’s polite if he goes for dinner at someone else’s house after school and doesn’t eat as much but that means I have to make him a second dinner or 3 slices of toast at home as well! I actually try and avoid him staying for dinner at someone else’s house because it’s easier to feed him with the rest of us than feed him again when he gets home from a play date. I would also find this a bit annoying to navigate with someone else’s child.

It's so tricky as he's just a child and, as you say, he gets on well with your DS and so it would be a shame if the friendship ended.

All I can think of is cheap & nourishing food. Lots of people mention pasta, you can make a cheap and quick sauce with chopped tomatoes etc, and bread. Fill them up with carbs, fat & protein (not necessarily animal protein - beans etc), jacket potatoes in suitable wintry weather. Old fashioned stuff. Nothing like it!

And also see what you can find out about his home life.

Totally agree! It sounds like this is a post about the OP trying to feed up her own child! suggestions of cheap pasta, fruit, beans etc, it obviously bothers her and is not her responsibility to maintain someone else’s child endlessly.

I’m genuinely gobsmacked at posters suggesting the OP buys in food specifically to feed this lad! Why the fuck should she??

OP…you’re the adult here! Just say no…not sure why you’re quite so worried about being ‘perceived as rude’ by a 7 year old boy! I would be actively telling him that he’s rude for asking you to give him food all the time, and I’d send him right back home! I’d also be speaking to his parents. Time to woman-up OP.

I find it strange he is coming over multiple times a week at seven and your son isn’t going to his hoMe.

id worry that something is amiss at home that he even wants to come to yours so often/his parents aren’t wanting him home more.

id keep feeding him but look for more cost effective ways to do it.

He may have strict rules at home and is making the most of it at yours.
Ask his mum what her rules are around snacks, second helpings and portions on the grounds that you don't want to be a bad influence.

Just have a chat with his mum. Explain you can’t afford to keep feeding him so could she pick him up before tea.

You don't need to tell him off. Just say "Sorry, there's none left. You can have an apple if you're still hungry". For me I would be a little concerned about this and would mention it to the schools dsl. They can then see what he is eating at school too.

This post is wild!! 😂😂

Are you fucking serious?? 🤯

I’m go smacked by how uncaring so many people are on this thread. This is a child who is hungry. Thankfully Ive never met anyone in real life who would begrudge a hungry child enough food to fill them up. I’m sure most people have had friends come round to tea who are very fussy eaters, who eat next to nothing, or who will eat enough to fill a baby elephant, and surely it’s just something that you cater to when you invite your children’s friends round?

I remember another parent being surprised that I allowed DDs to eat some chocolate buttons not long before their tea, and my saying "Meh- they'll eat their dinner ok.' And they proceded to do just that. I could've always eaten a scabby horse through a barn door after school. I'd probably had two helpings of puddings at school as well if it was a nice crumble & custard.

I'd only offer toast with jam with no snacks alongside dinner. A loaf and jam can be quite cheap. If he asks for more just say no, sorry. He's testing you and enjoying what snacks you give!

Gosh this thread worries me as my daughter is a skinny piglet, she is non stop hungry despite having lovely (in my
opinion!) home cooked big meals every single day and my son is the opposite. She will always ask parents for more food at their house, it’s so embarrassing! Also horrible to think the child isn’t fed properly. Maybe he just enjoys his food!

Someone's offered this advice: "I would also cook a bulky cheap tea (something with rice/ pasta/ potato)".

It's opening up whole new world's of meal ideas for me 😂!

If the only issue with this many play dates is amount of food…
Toast with jam, chocolate spread or peanut butter as a snack after school. Ideally alternating the topping so it’s not too samey.
If hungry, offer him one own brand digestive and say that’s it as it’s almost dinner.
Then after dinner - I’m afraid no second helpings today! But we’ve got X for pudding and then should be time to do Y before your mum comes’.