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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop letting my friend’s child come over because he eats so much?

336 replies

GazerJame · 02/08/2025 13:53

My DS (7) has a friend from school who comes over a couple of times a week after school. He’s a sweet boy, very polite, no behaviour issues or anything like that. The boys get on well and it’s honestly nice for DS to have someone to play with. But I’m really starting to dread the visits because of how much he eats.

It’s not just a biscuit and a drink after school. He’ll have two or three snacks straight away, like fruit, crackers, cereal bars, whatever’s in the cupboard, and then still be asking when tea is. I usually do something like pasta or fish fingers and beans, and without fail he’ll ask for seconds, sometimes thirds. Then pudding. Last week he had three bowls of pasta and then asked if we had any cake.

I wouldn’t think much of it once or twice but it’s every single time. It’s starting to feel like he arrives absolutely starving and I honestly don’t know if he’s just got a big appetite or if they’re sending him here expecting me to feed him properly. I’m not being tight, I really don’t mind giving a child food, but it’s getting expensive and it’s just a lot on top of everything else.

I’m tempted to start saying we can’t do weekday playdates anymore because it’s becoming too much. But then I feel bad because he’s only 7 and it’s not his fault. And I don’t want to make DS miss out either.

AIBU to be fed up with it and want to stop the visits for a while? Or do I just need to suck it up and plan for extra food twice a week? I feel awful even writing this but I’m not sure what the right thing is.

OP posts:
MissMoneyFairy · 06/08/2025 10:48

How does he manage if op is away on holiday, if there are issues then masking them doesn't help, the school won't notice any anxiety, weight loss or eating problems if someone else is feeding him and filling him up with low nutritional food like bread and biscuits

ellie09 · 06/08/2025 11:24

My 8 yr old is a bottomless pit atm

I had to reign it in.

He now has a "snack box" where I put in all the snacks he is allowed - usually a cereal bar, some fruit and low fat crisps.

He has one dinner serving, if he is still hungry, he can have half a portion more.

Pudding is an hour after dinner and he only gets it if the dinner has been eaten in full (or a good attempt made at least).

If he says he's hungry in the evenings, he has a choice of a sandwich, fruit, yogurt or toast. He will decline as he just wants sweets etc.

I would say get a snack box and fill with a couple of snacks and tell them thats all they will be getting before dinner. Dinner is a max 1.5 servings, and if still hungry after all that and pudding, they can have a piece of toast/yogurt/fruit. Other than that its a no.

Make sure he is drinking plenty too - sometimes thirst can be mistaken for hunger!

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 06/08/2025 17:00

ellie09 · 06/08/2025 11:24

My 8 yr old is a bottomless pit atm

I had to reign it in.

He now has a "snack box" where I put in all the snacks he is allowed - usually a cereal bar, some fruit and low fat crisps.

He has one dinner serving, if he is still hungry, he can have half a portion more.

Pudding is an hour after dinner and he only gets it if the dinner has been eaten in full (or a good attempt made at least).

If he says he's hungry in the evenings, he has a choice of a sandwich, fruit, yogurt or toast. He will decline as he just wants sweets etc.

I would say get a snack box and fill with a couple of snacks and tell them thats all they will be getting before dinner. Dinner is a max 1.5 servings, and if still hungry after all that and pudding, they can have a piece of toast/yogurt/fruit. Other than that its a no.

Make sure he is drinking plenty too - sometimes thirst can be mistaken for hunger!

A cereal bar and low fat crisps are really poor snack options, nutritionally - something like oat flapjacks, homemade popcorn, full fat yogurt and similar is likely to be filling and better for him.

ellie09 · 06/08/2025 17:10

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 06/08/2025 17:00

A cereal bar and low fat crisps are really poor snack options, nutritionally - something like oat flapjacks, homemade popcorn, full fat yogurt and similar is likely to be filling and better for him.

Yeah its better for them, but I dont know many kids that will eat that. Just being realistic to what the OP says is on offer for snacks in their house.

Cherrytree86 · 06/08/2025 19:50

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 06/08/2025 17:00

A cereal bar and low fat crisps are really poor snack options, nutritionally - something like oat flapjacks, homemade popcorn, full fat yogurt and similar is likely to be filling and better for him.

@JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch

who has got the time to make homemade popcorn?? Just buy a bag from Asda!

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 06/08/2025 19:52

Cherrytree86 · 06/08/2025 19:50

@JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch

who has got the time to make homemade popcorn?? Just buy a bag from Asda!

My irony meter is broken at the moment, but boy I hope you’re joking.

Cherrytree86 · 06/08/2025 19:56

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 06/08/2025 19:52

My irony meter is broken at the moment, but boy I hope you’re joking.

@JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch

nope, I’m not.

CeffylCoch · 06/08/2025 20:04

Why are you cooking so much pasta that there are seconds and thirds available? Just cook what you need and tell him he will have to wait until he gets home

Cherrytree86 · 07/08/2025 09:30

CeffylCoch · 06/08/2025 20:04

Why are you cooking so much pasta that there are seconds and thirds available? Just cook what you need and tell him he will have to wait until he gets home

This OP! @GazerJame

why you cooking up so much?? You must waste loads. Weight out your portions so you’re not cooking a surplus

Gagamama2 · 07/08/2025 11:27

Cherrytree86 · 07/08/2025 09:30

This OP! @GazerJame

why you cooking up so much?? You must waste loads. Weight out your portions so you’re not cooking a surplus

When I cook pasta I cook lots so I can put leftover stuff in the fridge for kids school lunchboxes / pasta salad / quick meal with butter and cheese when kids are being fussy. It’s a much more efficient use of energy. Maybe op does the same

Daisyhon · 24/08/2025 21:04

Do u have any difficulty in telling your own kids no more ? If his mum expects u to feed her child without overing any recompense then just say no more second or third helpings & stick to it . It’s possible they aren’t feeding him properly or maybe he’s just a being a bit greedy . A lot of growing kids can eat u out of house and home & still be built like a stick insect . If u really can’t bring yourself to say no to him ( & u seem so decent & very kind so i understand if u can’t ) then u could perhaps do what i did when i was at uni , i bought cheap value bread & own brand value beans & i survived on them & practically nothing else . U could offer him that & a digestive biscuit & that’s it x

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