To stop letting my friend’s child come over because he eats so much?

[GazerJame]

My DS (7) has a friend from school who comes over a couple of times a week after school. He’s a sweet boy, very polite, no behaviour issues or anything like that. The boys get on well and it’s honestly nice for DS to have someone to play with. But I’m really starting to dread the visits because of how much he eats.

It’s not just a biscuit and a drink after school. He’ll have two or three snacks straight away, like fruit, crackers, cereal bars, whatever’s in the cupboard, and then still be asking when tea is. I usually do something like pasta or fish fingers and beans, and without fail he’ll ask for seconds, sometimes thirds. Then pudding. Last week he had three bowls of pasta and then asked if we had any cake.

I wouldn’t think much of it once or twice but it’s every single time. It’s starting to feel like he arrives absolutely starving and I honestly don’t know if he’s just got a big appetite or if they’re sending him here expecting me to feed him properly. I’m not being tight, I really don’t mind giving a child food, but it’s getting expensive and it’s just a lot on top of everything else.

I’m tempted to start saying we can’t do weekday playdates anymore because it’s becoming too much. But then I feel bad because he’s only 7 and it’s not his fault. And I don’t want to make DS miss out either.

AIBU to be fed up with it and want to stop the visits for a while? Or do I just need to suck it up and plan for extra food twice a week? I feel awful even writing this but I’m not sure what the right thing is.

One of my daughters friends was like this. Turned out she wasn't being looked after at home.

He’s 7. Just tell him no. I’m assuming your own child isn’t eating 3 bowls of pasta? It’s very excessive.
id give 1 piece of fruit, and maybe some toast. Then dinner will be whatever you guys have. No seconds and then maybe dessert if you will be having it.

Honestly I know someone who just routinely wormed her entire family every couple of months regardless of any symptoms when her DC where young 😂 sometimes I think it's not a bad idea

I would cut the play date to once a week and limit snacks to just one. He doesn’t just get to demand food.

Give him bread and butter with everything. Or offer toast and jam, lots of it, as the snack.

Agree that you need to put your foot down and just say no, there's no more left, or there are no more snacks etc.

I would bet food rules are quite stringent at home and the kid is just letting loose because he can.

I think you're missing the fact that this child is not the OPs responsibility. She is not tight to be concerned about spending her own money on feeding someone else's child several times a week. Of course there are lots of cheap foods that are available to buy but why should the OP be doing this?

I had a child who used to visit to play with my son and ate like this it turned out he was living in poverty and had very little at home. He used to love coming to ours for some home cooked food. If you can afford it feed him. This family got back on their feet and the lad stopped eating as much when at ours.

I would be concerned that the child dies get enough food at home and so is stocking up at yours.

Does he look thin or pale? Does he wolf it down like he's scared it'll get taken away?

I think if he seems genuinely hungry every time, then I'd mention it to the DSL at school.

In the meantime, I'd cook as much pasta as he likes!

A good friendship is not something to put a stop to.

Packet of own-brand digestive biscuits for snacks
Much cheaper than individual cereal bars

Beans on toast for tea
Milk to drink
Bargain type cake for dessert

It’s fine to say no.

’No, tea is nearly ready’
’No, the rest of the ice cream is for Billy’s dad to have later’
’No, would you like a drink of water?’

Quite shocked at the replies here. All the people saying, “He’s 7, just say no”

Totally agree you can put a limit on the amount of snacks you’re willing to give if you’re about to serve up a dinner. But come on - he’s 7! Poor kid must be hungry. He doesn’t choose to be going to someone else’s house after school. It won’t go on forever. Certainly, set boundaries. But be kind - seems like a lot of unkindness here, and ‘black and white’ thinking

There's nothing wrong with saying no, there has to be a limit or should he just be allowed to eat OP out of house and home? It isn't unkind to not allow a child to eat 3 bowls of pasta or say no when asking for more and more snacks.

Oooh, we're playing this game..... 🤔

Were they super healthy clean vegans?!

Please don't tell us to think - just give us the facts.

You say you don't mind, but you really do, don't you.

This attitude is so prevalent on here and it's just down right sad. Not their responsibility, why should they, dont put yourself out, let council do it, school do it, teacher do it, bla bla bla. Not every thing is about who exactly has responsibility, somethings are just about doing something to help or make things a bit better because you can. A hungry 7 year old. Feed them if you are in a position to do it. If you really can not, then tell them or make sure they are not there for meals.

I’d just say no, we don’t snack in between meals here / no, we don’t have a pudding with every meal here etc. Although he’s a child, he does have to learn the politeness of not requesting food as a guest.

Has OP addressed her portion sizes yet? What's a bowl? My DNs don't have very big appetites and both eat from those little plastic bowls you get from the supermarket often with a Disney character on them, they might eat half of that. That wouldn't be enough for DS who is the same age as younger DN , luckily DB and SIL are aware that different children have different appetites and give him what he wants. We usually serve family style so everyone can have as much or little as they need.

I used to love it when I had kids round the table enjoying the food I'd made,happy days.

I agree. I would be lovely if

1. Op could easily afford it
2. She wouldn't be taken for granted

Me too.

1. It doesn't cost that much to add a bit and stretch a meal and it need not be anything very sophisticated.
2. Op can be unavailable sometimes but it's nice for her son to feel that his parents are hospitable and keep open house. It has often struck me that the poorer people are better at that than the well off.

each kid gets a snack bowl for the day and unlimited carrots sticks etc.

when the snack bowl is done carrot sticks / celery sticks only.

maybe do him an adults portion for dinner rather than a small kids bowl. Then no seconds

Just a bit of pasta and sweetcorn it doesn’t have to big a big penny meal.

If you want to stretch the food, maybe get some veg from the market on the days he comes then you get a bowl of veg for £1 plus some pasta will keep the meal for everyone under £2.50

This is what I was thinking.

Cut back the snacks; snack foods are an expensive way to fill children.

Pasta, toast, mashed potato. Give him one snack, one wholesome meal (if that is really needed?) and after that say "well there's leftover pasta/potato or you can have toast."

Just limit the types of food available. Even a bag of apples isn't that much and he won't eat more than two or three.