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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family Holiday - AIBU to think adult partners should be included?

133 replies

TheQuickHam · 02/08/2025 09:02

Every year, the family have a week long get together. My parents pay for the house rental.

It's me, dh, dd (31), ds (24), parents (late 80s), my brother and his wife, and my niece (27). We rent a 5 bed house, which means dd and niece share a room with two singles.

DS gets his own (double) room. He wants to bring his girlfriend who he has been with for 5 years and lives with.

My niece wants to bring her girlfriend who she owns a flat with and has been with for 6 years.

As it stands, there would be room for DS' girlfriend, but not for my niece's girlfriend.

I suggested that we get a bigger house so that partners can join the holiday so that the family tradition can evolve and continue. This would mean renting a bigger place, and all of the adult 'children' are happy to chip in to the cost of a bigger and nicer house.

My parents are point blank refusing because they don't feel 'comfortable' sharing their holiday with partners. Dbro suspects they have an issue with niece having a girlfriend.

AIBU to think adult partners should be 'allowed' on a family holiday?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/08/2025 09:04

Well the grandchildren can vote with their feet and say they no longer want to use a week of their annual lead and not spend it with their partners.

Bikergran · 02/08/2025 09:04

Their money, their choice. If you all paid equal amounts, it would be different.

LoughboroughBex · 02/08/2025 09:04

If I was one of the grandchildren then I would just say to the grandparents “no thank you, I want to go away with my live in partner” and not come.

Spies · 02/08/2025 09:05

If I were the niece or your son in this situation I wouldn't be attending the holiday in future. They're both adults living with their respective partners, not including them is illogical and unwelcoming.

Lafufufu · 02/08/2025 09:05

They are late 80s and funding the bulk of it so you can have a nice break as a family and they want to spend time with their children and grandchildren

The homophobic hint you dropped at the end is a red herring.

GC are free to decline the free trip.

itsgettingweird · 02/08/2025 09:05

Yanbu.

However the decision you need to make is if you don’t go and maybe you and brother do a holiday so adult partners can be included.

But at your parents age what cost is worth the fight?

I guess you can say you aren’t going unless the adult children can bring their partners and see if that forces them to accept it?

Loopytiles · 02/08/2025 09:05

Grandparents are paying the vast majority of the rental costs so decide who to invite.

GC decide whether or not to accept the invitation.

OneInEight · 02/08/2025 09:07

Well how come you dh and dsil are invited if partners are not allowed? Things evolve with time and maybe it is time this type of holiday does too.

PollyBell · 02/08/2025 09:09

No i dont see why partners need to be included and it is their holiday they decide

ARichtGoodDram · 02/08/2025 09:09

If your parents are paying then they can choose yes, but they have to accept that it likely means the annual trip with their GC will come to an end.

Which seems very shortsighted for two (or three at most) partners coming along.

RappelChoan · 02/08/2025 09:10

Forget about who has paid in the past and set a new precedent. I would find a property that accommodates everyone, split the cost between all adults, and ask who wants to go. Then if your parents don’t want to go find a smaller place and split the costs. Assuming that you will see your parents some other time.

2chocolateoranges · 02/08/2025 09:10

I’m surprised the grandchildren haven’t already voted with their feet, I’m sure my dd would still accompany us she is 21 but my 23 yr old ds wouldn’t entertain a family holiday.

surely if they want the family holidays to continue and evolve they need to accept new partners to the mix.

if I was one of the grandchildren and my partner of 5 years wasn’t allowed to come on these holiday then I wouldn’t be going.

StrawberryCranberry · 02/08/2025 09:12

Your parents are paying so it's their decision, but do they realise that their grandchildren are likely to stop coming if the status quo continues? Have you pointed this out to them?

FrenchandSaunders · 02/08/2025 09:12

Very odd not to include them. Our DDs are adults and their partners are included on holidays/breaks. I wouldn’t expect them to come otherwise … they share a home with their partners.

Thankfully my lovely MIL adored DDs GF when she was alive.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 02/08/2025 09:12

Dd's bf came with us last year for the first time. He added more to our trip. He's a lovely bloke.. Next year 2 x dd's are bringing bf's. And a baby!
Suggest 2 houses close by. We do this sometimes if we can't get big enough...
We add the cost of 2 together and divi it up among the earning adults.... Never had a problem doing it that way.

IMissSparkling · 02/08/2025 09:12

Do the partners even want to go?! Nothing worse than holidaying with someone else's family.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 02/08/2025 09:13

RandomMess · 02/08/2025 09:04

Well the grandchildren can vote with their feet and say they no longer want to use a week of their annual lead and not spend it with their partners.

This.

Eenameenadeeka · 02/08/2025 09:13

I don't think you are unreasonable at all, especially as they are willing to pay. Who in their 20s and 30s would want to use a whole week of leave with their grandparents and parents while leaving their partner at home. If I was the adult children, I'd either go but stay in my own accommodation, or not go on the trip.

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 02/08/2025 09:14

I think if someone lives with their partner it’s rude to leave them out.

If no partners are included, then shouldn’t OP’s partner also be uninvited?

Mulledjuice · 02/08/2025 09:15

Lafufufu · 02/08/2025 09:05

They are late 80s and funding the bulk of it so you can have a nice break as a family and they want to spend time with their children and grandchildren

The homophobic hint you dropped at the end is a red herring.

GC are free to decline the free trip.

Edited

Are you one of the GP?

Teenytwo · 02/08/2025 09:18

They are at an age where they might start their own families soon, would the grandparents allow them to bring their children but still say no to partners

PestoHoliday · 02/08/2025 09:22

Neither position is unreasonable. The grandparents want time together with their actual family and are paying for it. If they don't want to include partners of their grandchildren, that's fine.

The adult grandchildren are free to choose whether to go or not. They might like time with family, they probably prefer time with partners so will opt out.

I wouldn't assume homophobia, just not being arsed to get to know new people.

Since my niece started bringing her partner to family events we've stopped going so much because he's a right berk. People eventually voted with their feet in either direction.

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 02/08/2025 09:24

The grandparents want time together with their actual family and are paying for it.

But they are inviting some people that aren’t “their actual family” - the partners of their children. It’s just the partners of their grandchildren they don’t seem to want to invite.

PieBaldPants · 02/08/2025 09:25

Lafufufu · 02/08/2025 09:05

They are late 80s and funding the bulk of it so you can have a nice break as a family and they want to spend time with their children and grandchildren

The homophobic hint you dropped at the end is a red herring.

GC are free to decline the free trip.

Edited

And they probably will decline it. I wouldn’t want to use some of my annual leave on a holiday where I couldn’t take my long term girlfriend.

FfaCoff · 02/08/2025 09:27

Loopytiles · 02/08/2025 09:05

Grandparents are paying the vast majority of the rental costs so decide who to invite.

GC decide whether or not to accept the invitation.

I agree with this. They've had a good run of it if the kids have been going this long but the holiday was unlikely to continue in the same format forever. I wouldn't get into a big argument about it. You've made a suggestion regarding a bigger house. Your parents don't want to do that. Fine. But the adult grandkids shouldn't feel obliged to go on holiday without partners if they don't want to.

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