Was this comment by the waiter a bit off?

[doriiii]

This is something that happened a couple of weeks ago but not sure if I'm being overly sensitive.

Went to meet a few friends for some food in a nice pub. I arrived a bit later due to work hours. When I arrived I asked the waiter where they were sat and he walked me over. I asked if they accepted blue light cards, and he said 'only if you say pretty please'.

It really grossed me out, and I knew he wouldn't have said it to my male friends.

I didn't say anything but did kind of laugh when I said 'right ok'.

AIBU to think it's just a bit of a gross comment?

I'm actually also not sure its entirely about thin skin.

I think some of it is in fact appetite to control and condemn, to find fault in order to flex the muscle to shut others down.

For this situation there is a simple test, "would I say this to a man?"
A. No..so don't say it ...no freedoms impinged.. a better world.

Jeezo! I have heard men say that to other men, it's not flirtatious, creepy or gatekeeping, just silly pub banter. Maybe he was just trying to be funny, break the ice make you smile kind of thing, didn't work for you obvs 😆 Laugh it off and move on.

Perhaps he was being sarcastic if you said it rudely

Oh dear- that's an example where sex is relevant.

Fact is, responding differently to people soley because of that person's sex, in a situation where the sex is completely irrelevant does make them sexist.

This has been very much my experience too. I just love making men regret trotting out this kind of passé shit. It's sport!

But what would I know - I'm just a "captured woman". I haven't heard this expression before and it'll be my new favourite wank-speak from now on 😄

I think the sort of person who would say "if you say pretty please" would say it to anyone wouldn't they?

It's a bit naff, but people are allowed to be naff.

Are we hung up on the word "pretty"? Because that's a girl thing? Or what?

Why can it not be deployed when speaking to men?

The examples you give are compliments. OP has described someone asking her to do something to get something 🤦‍♀️

But I don't think he actually waited for her to say "pretty please"; he just gave it. She didn't have to do anything more.

"Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult" (Proverbs 12:16) highlights the difference between a wise person and a foolish one when faced with an insult. A fool reacts immediately with anger or irritation, while a wise person chooses to disregard the insult, demonstrating patience and self-control

Not sure where you've got that from? OP asked if they took / accepted BL Card, he replies "if you say pretty please" ...which posits that to receive the discount she must say pretty please?

It's a good game.
I remember once a real braggart used to come into the bar I worked in. One time he was bragging about his 'size' (he really was)😆
The landlady went upstairs and brought a tape measure down...he said if he wouldn't get done for exposing himself, he would happily oblige.
I said "You misunderstand, it's for your mouth, and you have won". His bar buddies thought this was hilarious, and braggart slunk off home.

I was joking!

Lighten up, Millie Tant.

Did she say it?

This.

I'd love to but that's tricky because a lot of my "sting" is through intonation and facial expression. I do some strong work with an eye-roll for example. Each instance is tailored to the specific wanker in front of me at the time.

Without being there, I think it’s impossible to tell because tone and attitude says it all.

However my gut reaction is that it’s either just a shit attempt to be humorous or he was being slightly flirtatious.

As I’ve gotten older, I am much less inclined to put up with misogyny or sexist shit - but at the same time we have to acknowledge there are differences in how men and women interact with each other, from both sides.

In a social situation like a restaurant or bar, there’s going to be banter or attempts at flirty comments sometimes. You don’t have to like them but as long as they’re not offensive I think it’s ok. Some of the best people working in hospitality have a natural charm, which might mean having a laugh with patrons.

The alternative is for every interaction with a stranger to be sterile and clinical, and that would be a huge shame.

The alternative is for every interaction with a stranger to be sterile and clinical, and that would be a huge shame.

Agree entirely. And we are fast-headed in that direction.

A bit like what you and the other apologists for sexist behaviour are doing then?

Well we're on a thread discussing it, so giving an opinion.

I think that's different from taking umbrage and starting the thread.

Jokes need to be funny to be jokes. Your comment was a pointless comment.