NC for obvious reasons 🥴. After some opinions/ideas that I might not have considered. Long post as want to give all info without drip feeding!
Background: I’ve been married 26 years, I’ve just hit 50, have 4 children, youngest of whom is 13.
Since our youngest was born, our sex life has been really bad, averaging twice a year. Last 5 years, maybe 3 times in total. He rarely sleeps in our bed as he’s an insomniac, so that doesn’t help. When we do have sex, he has a type of ED which means he takes ages to finish.
My DH is just not interested in sex. He never instigates and when I do (mainly for connection), I have a 99% chance of getting rejected.
I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve asked him to go to GP (about his sleep and lack of libido), I’ve asked him to get a blood test thinking maybe testosterone levels are off. He won’t do anything about it as he says he’s happy as he is.
We get on well, but we’re pretty much living as roommates. I miss sex! He’s not affectionate at all, so no hugs, kissing, handholding etc either.
But the family unit is happy and comfortable, kids are happy, we have a lovely life. Do I blow that up because of a lack of sex/physical affection? Do I just hang on in there for 5 years until they’re all adults? I think that would be my absolute maximum, but then that’s 10 years of no sex/affection from him and I’m feeling resentful already.
Not sure if relevant, but I haven’t really changed physically since we’ve been together. Obviously I’ve had kids so everything isn’t quite where I left it 25 years ago, but I’m the same weight as I was. So it’s not that I’ve changed physically.
Also, I don’t think it’s porn, excess masturbation or an affair. He works from home and has zero social life unless I drag him out.
YABU - you’ve managed 5 sexless years and 8 virtually sexless ones, you can manage 5 more. Don’t blow up your family life for sex/affection.
YANBU - Life is short and a dead bedroom is a depressing deal breaker.