Was the ‘race card’ pulled??

[Glittercloud17]

So just got back from vacation. At the airport, my daughter and I were queuing for passport control when a girl/teen pushed past in front of us. 5 seconds later I heard a lady say to me “excuse me, we just want to join our niece” pointing to the girl who’d pushed in. Without focusing too much attention on her or the family, but seeing an additional 3 people (another teen and two women) I said “sorry, but that girl just shoved in, so maybe it’s better she joins you instead” (meaning the 1 girl who’d pushed in should join her family behind my daughter and I, and not the whole family move in front of my daughter and I.

The lady said “oh, I don’t think she pushed in, darling” in a clearly sarcastic tone, but I didn’t reply as the girl/teen then walked back to join her aunt behind us.

Then I heard the woman say to the girl “you know exactly why she thinks she needs to be in front of us, this is another example”. At this stage I assume she meant I felt entitled to say this because they were a family of colour! So instead of pulling up the teen for pushing past us, the adult put the responsibility of this situation on me, insinuating I was bullying them for racially motivated reasons!!

It hadn’t even crossed my mind that they were black/white/asian whatever family! Only that a person had pushed past my daughter and I and the family felt they then had a right to go in front.

Comments continued among the adults in the family to the teens around how this was another example why the teenagers had to be more assertive “in this world” and that I, “the lady” was in the wrong.

I didn’t react, or say anything as I didn’t want to escalate something that clearly wasn’t there, and continued to look in front (not in their direction) or be accused of anything especially in an airport with a flight to catch! Later after passport control, I was standing talking to my daughter when the other adult (who I hadn’t looked at previously) violently pushed into my back as they walked past. I was very shocked by this (again I brushed this off).

People who have genuinely experienced racism - was I unreasonable, and were they justified to jump to this conclusion? I understand there’s a long, complex history around race, but I am not aware, at least on a conscious level, of discriminating against anyone like this??

I agree with the sentiment and over arching message here with the exception that the framing of ‘playing the race card’ implicitly suggesting that lived experience of discrimination is fake or opportunistic.

You can believe that a marginalised person has had significant experience of discrimination and that it is understandable that their inferences may be skewed by this and believe that in a given instance, they may infer discrimination when there is none, to confer some sort of advantage.

No group is free from unscrupulous people, willing to leverage whatever they can to gain advantage.

The “race card” is meaningless terminology which functions to deny the real problem of racism in society and suggest that people most disadvantaged from racism are somehow the ones benefiting! It’s a very wrong, and also racist, concept.

It is very possible that your actions were subconsciously influenced by race- this is likely in fact, since subconscious ideas about race influence us all. This doesn’t mean you were wrong to do what you did but it’s also something that is worth acknowledging and reflecting on,

@GoodPuddingWhy can’t people just ask ‘Was this racism’ ?

Why do you need a term that instantly gives the impression of a game or con?

It’s a term that’s inherently racist and biased by nature and minimises that fact that actually yes, most of us who are black and brown/global majority whatever you want to call yourself DO experience personal/structural racism on a day to day basis and majority of the time have to ‘brush this off’ as we’d be told we are ‘playing the race card’

@Tandora

You don’t need a word for it

Why can’t there be a word for it? What is this insanity? Maybe we should say “the card that can’t be named” like it’s Voldemort?!

The Left need to stop this Orwellian and authoritarian policing of language… It’s not going to work.

There’s no “card that can’t be named”. There’s no such thing as “the race card”. This is a racist concept that functions to minimise the very real problem of racism and deceptively imply that those most disadvantaged by racism are the ones in fact benefitting from it. The totalitarian and lying sentiment is very much therefore the other way around- in the hands of those who use this false and manipulative terminology of “the race card”.

In being more concerned about the term used, the CF/ignorance is being ignored. That's the minimising that's going on here. Why should the OP be asking was this racism? She's asking whether the queue jumper's family were excusing the cheeky fuckery behaviour.

At this stage I assume she meant I felt entitled to say this because they were a family of colour!

I’d had hoped that when using the highly inflammatory term race card, your reasoning was a lot more concrete than an assumption.

I have to admit that the use of the term ‘Race Card’ makes me think that your stated sensitivities to racism aren’t as solid as you clearly think they are.

Yes these people were rude but your attempt to turn this unpleasant encounter into some kind of race war was clumsy, B+.

Wow, what horrible people. I’m sorry you had to encounter them, OP.

OP do you think you are jumping to conclusions? I cannot see anything that is suggesting this about race.

This reflects ‘attribution error’ where people misjudge causes for events.

There are subtypes of attribution errors:

Self-serving bias - People attribute successes to their own abilities but blame failures on external factors.

Fundamental attribution error - Overestimating the role of personality or intent in others’ actions while underestimating situational factors.

Actor-observer bias: Viewing our own behavior as situationally driven, but others’ behavior as personality-driven.

Most posts on this thread, including mine, contain potential bias linked to the above.

Because that wasn’t the question… The OP is asking whether others were falsely accusing her of racism as way of deflecting from their own actions.

The idea that we aren’t permitted to have a word or phrase that means “the act of falsely accusing someone of racism as a means of deflecting from their own or others’ questionable actions” because that would be “racist” is one of the most perfect examples of irony I have ever encountered! It’s absurd!

Agree

Some ppl use their race to victimise themselves when there has been no evidence to suggest race is a factor in what ever it is thats happened, yes its not a game but its something that does happen. If you take issue with the term speak to those who think its OK to use race as an excuse for everything that doesn't go their way.

Yes, many racist people do indeed use it.

I got called racist for a cafe review where I described their chairs as uncomfortable, that there was poor parking and that the workmen gathering outside smoking and swearing were intimidating.

Some people use their race as a way to take no accountability for their behaviour or failings. I have absolutely no sympathy for these people and they are most definitely playing the "race card"

YABU for letting people bully you! Stand up for yourself, otherwise morons like this will get away with bad behaviour. If someone pushed me, they'd be getting pushed back!!

If the woman behind you genuinely believed her niece had not pushed into the queue, it's odd that she then accepted standing behind you while counselling the niece on being more assertive.

Even if she hadn't pushed in, 'saving a place in the queue' isn't considered good manners unless you're 12 and in the school canteen at dinner time. Holding a place in a long queue, e.g. while others go to the loo, is fine, but not inviting others to join you belatedly in an earlier space.

All that said, I'd probably have said nothing at all in the OP's shoes, it really isn't worth the aggro - pick your battles!

No, it's not bloody likely I am subconsciously racist. FFS..a teenage boy was flicking spit balls so I moved him to the front. He was the only one doing it in a class of mixed ethnicity. No others were ignored, tolerated or treated differently. Please do say how me appropriately responding to that behaviour was motivated by racism. If I'd called SLT, had him removed and suspended, sure. I moved his seat..a standard manoeuvre used by thousands of teachers always.

Here we go.

I'm saying yanbu , they sound like vile bullies.

I was appreciating your response until that last paragraph. So tiresome.

You know I was thinking the same about them - I wonder if they would have said that and pushed me violently had I been a tall, muscular man (and not an unassuming mum travelling alone with a small child).

So idiotic.

@GoodPuddingIn which case then OP could have asked ‘Was I falsely accused of racism’

The fact that so many on here have such a visceral reaction to the idea that they may be unconsciously/subconsciously racist is telling. Sorry to say it but yes we do experience racism on a day to day basis and no sometimes you don’t realise that it is racism because you have no reference point for it!

You can see some denial here. It's doing race relations no favours, whatsoever. As soon as you question matters, you're called a racist. Quite ironic really.

What would your answer have been if she had asked was I falsely accused of racism?

They were wrong to make it about race, but you are wrong to use the term ‘race card’. As a black person I hate this term which is simply used to make people of colour think twice before raising legitimate concerns about racism. As if racism is a privilege to experience…