Was the ‘race card’ pulled??

[Glittercloud17]

So just got back from vacation. At the airport, my daughter and I were queuing for passport control when a girl/teen pushed past in front of us. 5 seconds later I heard a lady say to me “excuse me, we just want to join our niece” pointing to the girl who’d pushed in. Without focusing too much attention on her or the family, but seeing an additional 3 people (another teen and two women) I said “sorry, but that girl just shoved in, so maybe it’s better she joins you instead” (meaning the 1 girl who’d pushed in should join her family behind my daughter and I, and not the whole family move in front of my daughter and I.

The lady said “oh, I don’t think she pushed in, darling” in a clearly sarcastic tone, but I didn’t reply as the girl/teen then walked back to join her aunt behind us.

Then I heard the woman say to the girl “you know exactly why she thinks she needs to be in front of us, this is another example”. At this stage I assume she meant I felt entitled to say this because they were a family of colour! So instead of pulling up the teen for pushing past us, the adult put the responsibility of this situation on me, insinuating I was bullying them for racially motivated reasons!!

It hadn’t even crossed my mind that they were black/white/asian whatever family! Only that a person had pushed past my daughter and I and the family felt they then had a right to go in front.

Comments continued among the adults in the family to the teens around how this was another example why the teenagers had to be more assertive “in this world” and that I, “the lady” was in the wrong.

I didn’t react, or say anything as I didn’t want to escalate something that clearly wasn’t there, and continued to look in front (not in their direction) or be accused of anything especially in an airport with a flight to catch! Later after passport control, I was standing talking to my daughter when the other adult (who I hadn’t looked at previously) violently pushed into my back as they walked past. I was very shocked by this (again I brushed this off).

People who have genuinely experienced racism - was I unreasonable, and were they justified to jump to this conclusion? I understand there’s a long, complex history around race, but I am not aware, at least on a conscious level, of discriminating against anyone like this??

You were very polite to them.
I don't think the phrase "race card" is very nice either, as you're white.
It is racist IMO.

Exactly the same thing happened to us on the train…Indian fella pushed past my husband to which he said “excuse me there’s a queue”. In our case it was a young white bystander who then accused DH of racism - er no he’s just been shoved out of the way by another individual, were we meant to ignore that because of the colour of his skin? I just don’t get it - we’ve lived and travelled extensively throughout Asia and India so horrified to be called racist, but can we no longer address poor manners anymore regardless of who demonstrates them?

This…

At this stage I assume she meant I felt entitled to say this because they were a family of colour!

You 'assumed' - with no reason to in my opinion.

I re-read your OP in case I had missed something that the family had actually said but no, they made no reference to race, even obliquely.

Maybe you came over as hoity toity, although you were in the right over the queue jumping, and that's why they were making comments about being assertive, etc.

It is you who have pulled 'the race card' on this family of colour.

I’d think they were odd And nasty. Not sure calling it the “race card” as if that’s something that some people use every day is helpful or accurate. I’ve never had someone try to get ahead of me by dint of their race my whole life. Their behaviour was stupid, rude and aggressive.

It's just the usual liberals, being more concerned about the use of labels, than anything else. If they're not too busy throwing labels out themselves, they are clutching their pearls at situations being ascribed a label, that doesn't sit well with them.

Just because you are mixed race doesn’t mean you are right on this matter. Sorry.

😆 🤣

We all know what OP means by the term, and while none of us were there, perhaps the bones of her accusation is correct. But the phrase she used is unpleasant and unhelpful.

“Pull the race card” is a very flippant/sarcastic use of language to make a pretty serious accusation around a serious topic. I think that’s why many people here are objecting to it. The words we use do matter - not as much as actions but sometimes not far off because words are simply thoughts written down and thoughts and words determine actions.

Interesting that no one has suggested a better term to use….

Because then it’s not about the term, it’s about the concept. There is no correct term for this. It’s “not allowed”

We are apparently not allowed to believe that false accusations of racism can ever be made, and to even suggest this might have occurred, is “racism”. It’s gaslighting 101 from the Left… echoing direct from
the pages of Orwell’s 1984.

But people who are mixed race (and any race) can understand that some people do exploit accusations of racism for their own benefit.

YANBU if it was as you’ve explained it.
But Ive met such people from all different race backgrounds.

OP, I would have said, ‘the family were unfairly accusing me of racism because I did not let them push in front of me’ or some such wording. The problem is that many racists use the phrase ‘race card’ and it diminishes the many genuine incidents of racism POC suffer. I don’t like the phrase I have to say.

This family sounds awful, esp pushing you. And it sounds like they indeed could have been accusing you of racism as their ‘pushing in plan’ failed. Idiots.

The OP asked where she could learn about this- I provided a credible resource. It's not about permitting someone to express the phenomenon, it was just the best explanation I've seen for it.

Language is important and it matters what people use and say. I think a thread like this is a good opportunity to learn.

"Playing the race card” is a loaded, dismissive phrase.

When people say “you’re playing the race card,” we implicitly suggest that their lived experience of discrimination is fake or opportunistic. That framing makes it harder for real grievances to be heard.

In this situation the OP seemingly dealt with some CFs who pushed in front of her- not at all a situation where discrimination applies.

Some alternative thread titles:

Accused of being racially biased after confronting a queue jumper.
Stopped a teenager from pushing in- family blamed racism.

This isn’t about suppressing speech, but about using language that doesn't undercut genuine grievances.

If a women was using her sex as a cudgel to bash men with if she didn't get her own way and claiming sexism, then yes, I'd say it's pulling the sexism card.

These people weren't calling out an act of prejudice - thats the differene.

They were rude and entitled and they are teaching their kids to be grabby and then claim racism when they are called out. More fool them. You did nothing wrong ( you were the victim of their aggression) but some will undermine your case because you made the mistake of using a term people can claim is racist. Thus the actual issue of the poor behaviour is not addressed . This is a microcosm of what happens in society.

You don’t need a word for it. You could have just asked whether it was unreasonable of them to assume it was racism.

Actually there are so many assumptions here as you don’t even know if they meant race with what they insinuated.

Also it is possible that they didn’t see the teen push in and did think you were targeting them.

It is also possible that subconsciously you were influenced by race in choosing your actions. Although you were totally within your rights (and NBU) to challenge someone for pushing in, perhaps you wouldn’t have been as likely to notice a white teen pushing in, or have as much confidence to challenge the family.

👏 👏

I have experienced something similar once. A teenager of ethnic minority was in the queue in front of me in a clothing store trying to return something for a refund with no receipt & no tags on. The store were polite but explained they couldn't accept it etc as a return. The girl got irate and another store worker said "look if you want the same thing different size I can probably swap it over for you" etc, they were trying to help but explained they can't give refunds without receipts and tags . Suddenly the girl shouted "omg its because I'm [ethnicity] isn't it, you think I've lifted it you are racially abusing me".

The poor store workers looked baffled and really worried. The girl continued to make a giant scene shouting about racism until security had to ask her to leave the store!

You get bad eggs of every ethnicity alas.

There are people who will never accept they are in the wrong and will claim it is because of a personal characteristic, not sure the term 'race card' is current or the best expression to use.

I had this situation but with white family the Dad had pushed in front with one child, then insisted that despite being too crowded to move, that wife and another two kids came to join him. Like they couldn’t possibly wait separately which they all looked capable of doing. They went on about how embarrassed my daughter must be of me, because I had suggested he move back rather just wait. Wouldn’t have happened if my husband was there. Watched with amusement as we left them standing at passport control as none of them seemed to be able to find their passports. Basically people cannot queue any more and panic in queues. Too many people around.

Yes this is what someone said to me about my story upthread (moving a black teen to the front because he was mucking about). I've told it before and was instructed that I was in fact subconsciously racist. The fact that he was the only child flicking spit balls was overlooked, for the apparently preferable interpretation that I was singling him out for racist reasons. whether we call it the "race card" or some other term, more long winded and clumsy, it does sometimes happen. The desperate attempts to somehow make it not so (the OP assuming what the family meant) are just that. If the events were as reported, I think it's pretty obvious what the family meant and attempts to try and change it from any of us who weren't actually there are a bit desperate. As others have said, denying this does sometimes happen undermines the many many real incidents of racism and cause them to be doubted.

Asking people to read a whole book before they are permitted to express this phenomenon is completely unreasonable.

Except that she didn’t say that.

These lies by the right wing is what led to the Southport riots.

This. Years ago I worked in a multi cultural organisation, where there was all sorts of support for women, people with disabilities, and anyone of ethnic minority heritage. We had senior managers of both sexes, various ethnicities, and my own boss (female) was disabled.

There was a couple of staff who come to mind who insisted that their colour was the reason for their lack of promotion, when it was their very obvious limited ability, and in one case their attitude to work. No racism involved, but they claimed there was. How do claims like these sit with people who say there’s no such thing?

You could just ask ‘Was this racism’

also, it’s a hard question to answer. My feeling as a mixed black Asian woman is No. But perhaps they’d experienced lots of micro incidents and felt from their perspective that you were being difficult due to race. Not your fault.
Not 100% their fault either depending on what had been experienced.
did they see the girl push in @Glittercloud17?