Was the ‘race card’ pulled??

[Glittercloud17]

So just got back from vacation. At the airport, my daughter and I were queuing for passport control when a girl/teen pushed past in front of us. 5 seconds later I heard a lady say to me “excuse me, we just want to join our niece” pointing to the girl who’d pushed in. Without focusing too much attention on her or the family, but seeing an additional 3 people (another teen and two women) I said “sorry, but that girl just shoved in, so maybe it’s better she joins you instead” (meaning the 1 girl who’d pushed in should join her family behind my daughter and I, and not the whole family move in front of my daughter and I.

The lady said “oh, I don’t think she pushed in, darling” in a clearly sarcastic tone, but I didn’t reply as the girl/teen then walked back to join her aunt behind us.

Then I heard the woman say to the girl “you know exactly why she thinks she needs to be in front of us, this is another example”. At this stage I assume she meant I felt entitled to say this because they were a family of colour! So instead of pulling up the teen for pushing past us, the adult put the responsibility of this situation on me, insinuating I was bullying them for racially motivated reasons!!

It hadn’t even crossed my mind that they were black/white/asian whatever family! Only that a person had pushed past my daughter and I and the family felt they then had a right to go in front.

Comments continued among the adults in the family to the teens around how this was another example why the teenagers had to be more assertive “in this world” and that I, “the lady” was in the wrong.

I didn’t react, or say anything as I didn’t want to escalate something that clearly wasn’t there, and continued to look in front (not in their direction) or be accused of anything especially in an airport with a flight to catch! Later after passport control, I was standing talking to my daughter when the other adult (who I hadn’t looked at previously) violently pushed into my back as they walked past. I was very shocked by this (again I brushed this off).

People who have genuinely experienced racism - was I unreasonable, and were they justified to jump to this conclusion? I understand there’s a long, complex history around race, but I am not aware, at least on a conscious level, of discriminating against anyone like this??

I think your assuming they were on about ‘race’ you don’t know why conversations they were having beforehand, they could of been speaking about snobs, rich people, stuck up people absolutely anything (I’m not saying you are any of these things) but you can’t assume they said those things because you are white!

It's possible that this was just a family of opportunists, also possible that they honestly thought you were wrong. I had an encounter a few months ago queueing up to pay in a charity shop. A woman came up behind me and said I had cut in front of her in the queue. I questioned this, very politely, and it turned out that she HAD been in the queue before me but had stepped out to look at something on a nearby rack. She explained that because she was on her own she didn't have anyone to hold her place, and because she was the last one in the queue when she stepped away, she couldn't ask the person behind her to hold her place.

She definitely felt that I was in the wrong, and (1) should not have got into the queue before she came back and rejoined it and (2) should have just let her go in front of me without questioning. This isn't how queueing works but even if it were, I hadn't been present when she stepped away so I had no idea that she had previously been in the queue. Anyway, I am pretty positive that she genuinely BELIEVED that she was correct and I was wrong (and rude).

In the case of the airport family, there could be something you didn't notice that made them think you treated them poorly. There may have been something in your tone of voice or the exact words you used when you accused the niece of pushing in that caused them to think that you felt superior to them. They may not have liked that you assumed ill intentions on the part of the niece rather than keeping things neutral. Race could be what they perceived as the reason for your alleged mistreatment of them and so could a number of other things but as they didn't say so I wouldn't assume that. And regardless, they definitely didn't accuse you of racism, so even if you had a less loaded equivalent of "playing the race card", it doesn't apply here.

Correct. As well as ‘sexism card’, ‘homophobia card’, etc. It’s a turn of phrase, not a suggestion that discrimination is a game. Nothing wrong with the phrase imo, it’s widely understood.

Sounds as those she was talking about race.

Tbh I’ve never totally understood the expression “pulling the race card”! As in, who is supposed to be pulling it in a given situation, but it sounds like it’s an offensive expression so I won’t bother learning it.

They are just twats who didn’t like being called out on their queue jumping so tried to style it out.

Did she actually say anything about race or was she just implying you're rude and entitled? (In her opinion)

I’ve never met someone who actually uses the phrase ‘the race card’ who was not, in fact, a racist.

Obviously only ever met one person then and you probably go that wrong too.

There are awful people of every race. Some people are just dying to see persecution and oppression even where none exists, so they have an excuse for underachieving in life.

A friend of mine got into an argument with two black women over an order at McDonald's recently. It didn't help that he might just be the whitest man alive, but it took them about 30 seconds before they started shrieking 'racist' at him.

It got quite pretty quickly when, a few moments later, his Jamaican wife and two mixed race kids came running over to see wha'gwan 😅

Nothing wrong with saying race card to describe cheeky fuckery like this. She isn’t saying actual racism is a game. Shes calling out arseholes.

Race card absolutely does exist, I know some people who unashamendly tell others that they use their colour often to guilt trip others into allowing them to jump queue places.

Had someone at an interview once say that we needed to hire her because it would look good for our online photos to have someone of her race there.

One of DHs friends got in a disagreement in a MacD counter, within seconds he was accused of being a racist by someone in the queue because of the colour of the person behind the counter, his Asian wife then showed up and it all went very quiet and MacDs replaced his order with a fresh one.

The people minimising racism in this scenario, were the queue jumping family.

Don't even give it another thought @Glittercloud17 The family clearly have no manners, which isn't your problem. Race is totally irrelevant, here.

🙄

Clearly not a race thing… these people are disgusting.

also Lots of people record things now to get a social media reaction

Are you in the US OP? I'm asking because you said vacation.

There isn't a better term to use to express "was this person trying to gain an advantage by falsely accusing me of being racist", no.

Presumably something like "AiBU ot think this person was implying I am racist" would work if that's what you meant. It doesn't really need a phrase of its own, unless you think it's something that happens a lot therefore needs a pithy expression people can use to talk about it...

While I dislike the term race card (or anything card, really), it could be that they’re from a culture where this is fairly normal - someone stands in the queue and then the rest join in later - although in their case they’re wrong by default for the simple fact she pushed in.

I think you did well in not giving them any ammunition to escalate. It’s a lot easier to just kill it from the start than having to explain what happened.

Based on what you written it doesn't sound like they think she pushed passed you. So they might thing think you are the entitled one. As I myself have had people push me out of the way and when I stood my ground insist that I should go back to my family.

Sometimes, I stayed in the queue. Why should I let adults who pushed me win? Other times, I went back to my family as this was not a fight worthy of my time. I'm black and have a younger looking face.

It’s frustrating when that happens. I was on the tube late last Sat night coming home from Oasis when some guy got on at a stop further along (so not been to the concert) and he must have knocked into a couple who were standing near the door. It was a busy carriage. The guy who got knocked into (white guy) shouted something about him being rude and it really escalated fast.

Other guy was gunning for a fight, shouting hit me, go on. I had 2 teen girls with me so tried to calm the guy down, to little avail. He then said ‘it’s because i’m not white’ which I found ridiculous as this guy would have no doubt said the same to anyone.

In the end the guys wife made him get off a stop early and catch the next tube which was very sensible. I was genuinely worried he was going to pull out a weapon as he was so gunning for a fight and so confident (this assumption had nothing to do with the colour of his skin, just based on how confident he seemed and really gunning for this guy to hit him.

This is why I don’t like being out late at night, especially with DD.

Haha. Well you’re meeting one now!

Regardless, I’ve asked lots of people but haven’t had a single response. What can one say in place of this incorrect term?

You say the truth. You assumed they were implying that you are racist. I have no idea what they were implying. I wasn't there.

Ps I'm not saying you racist either. I don't even know you.

Stop policing people's language

That’s a false equivalence… “pulling the race card” doesn’t mean calling out racism, it means using an accusation of racism to deflect from an issue or avoid blame.

Your language in talking about the ‘race card’ is racist.

But surely then it's down to the people who use their race as a reason to wrongly accused people of being racist to them to put that damn race card away? I've also completely unjustifiably been accused of racism a few times and it was awful.